Customer Reviews

The Brides of March: Memoir of a Same-Sex Marriage

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The first thing I realized about The Brides of March was that it wasn't the usual impersonal polemic pushing for GLBT rights. Not that we don't need those who push political agendas: we do. It's just that I often find books about political movements rather, well, dry might be the kindest way to put it. The Brides of March is a refreshing change from dry - it's as wet as the diapers that need changing, the river Portland enjoys, the tears that are shed, the champagne you want to toast this couple with. When the book opens, the author has been in a stable long-term relationship with her partner Jannine for many years. The two of them are raising three children. Due to a temporary political fluke, Portland's Multnomah County issued marriage licenses without discrimination for a brief time in March 2004. The book is the author's first-person account of how she and her partner took advantage of that singular opportunity to be married; how their hearts were crushed when their marriage license was later nullified, and how they continued their commitment to each other and to their children through it all.
She relates enough about their past to provide context and enough of their daily lives to provide a sense of what it's like to be part of their family. The author takes the reader along for the ride as they wait for the marriage license, go ring shopping, chase a toddler, welcome relatives to an impromptu reception, shed tears over rights subsequently lost, and feel righteous anger on vacation in Canada where "equal rights" actually means equal rights. There are other books on this topic, but few (if any) are written in such an intelligent, warm, witty voice. If you want to know what it's like to have the right to marry dangled in front of you, just out of arm's reach - this is the book you want to read.

Thank you Beren deMotier for writing such a fasinating book about yours and Jennine's life. Aunt Helen recommended the book and when I received it I could not put it down. People should read this so they can understand your lives and your childrens. I have told others about it and loaned the book to my daughter. I hope this summer to see Beren in Washington and have her autograph my book.

I was so excited to read this book and it did not let me down. It is a wonderful, witty account of life as one half of a same sex marriage. She shares honestly accounts of everyday life, past history and life struggles. Every politician in America needs to read this book.

As a middle aged straight man I did not think I would enjoy this book as much as I did. It gives people like me a wonderful window into the struggles and strengths of a Lesbian couple who are just trying to live their lives and be good people.
As civil rights were to the sixties, gay rights are to this decade, and this book is about brave people at the forefront of that battle.

From the first pages I felt that Beren and her family would fit right in to my middle class life. I might see her at soccer practice or volunteering in the schools. As a stay-at-home straight mom, I found myself identifying with her values and lifestyle, except I have the priviledge of marriage. Beren's memoir is powerful because her life resonates with a typical American experience, and because she enables us to feel the pain and injustice of oppression. Yet, she tells her story with humor.

She doesn't make us feel guilty but rather empathetic and wanting to stop the injustice and pain. I wish every straight person would read this book, especially liberals who feel that civil unions and equal legal priviledges are good enough--that GLBT people and queers don't need the term "marriage."

One more reason why I feel this book stands out is because Beren succeeds in making us feel her joy and pain. We are comfortable acknowledging that our decisions are based on anylitical arguments--we are less so in admitting that we are swayed by feelings. Yet, empathy is a critical component of showing us that something is unjust. If we feel the pain, we want to stand up and fix the problem. Beren takes us into her world and lets us experience life from her perspective.