Customer Reviews

Bright Minds, Poor Grades: Understanding and Motivating your Underachieving Child

5 star:		(25)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I agree with many of the favorable and critical comments made in the previous reviews but I would like to fill in some gaps.

Whitley offers an excellent program for developing a consistently compassionate relationship with your underachiever. Addressing underachievement is difficult because it requires parents, teachers, and counselors to confront their behavior as well. But, Whitley does not blame parents. Ultimately, underachievers are responsible for themselves, and this is the key developmental lesson they have failed to learn. Whitley emphasizes underachievers' dependence on the very people who have tried to help them--their teachers, counselors, and, of course, parents--even as they yearn for independence. Underachievers fail because they haven't really learned how to be independent. As a result, tutors, grounding, bribing, rewarding, only reinforce, rather than resolve, underachievement. Underachievers have learned to depend on other people to help them complete their work, to turn in their assignments, to remember their assignments, and so on, to such a degree that they cannot even define their independence. This is why Whitley's program is effective. It requires parents to step back without becoming distant, to show their child they are willing to trust her, to allow her to state her own goals, and give her a chance to fulfill her goals on her own terms. If she cannot do so, then the parents will intervene and help her. Whitley's ten-step program is wise, practical, and compassionate.

Now, this is where the book's limitations become apparent. Whitley addresses parents whose kids "get it," who want to do well but can't function in a way that achieves the desired results. It's not for parents whose kids have gone beyond underachievement and into more troublesome behavior. The most difficult behavior problem addressed by Whitley is lying about schoolwork. (Contrary to the reviewer from Cheyenne below, Whitley does provide an effective way for dealing with this kind of behavior. It is time-consuming and may be nerve-wracking, but it can work.) Whitley's underachievers are basically good kids who are puzzling and may not receive that much attention from teachers and counselors because they don't place as much pressure on the school system and social institutions as more troubled young people.

In addition, Whitley addresses two character types, the socialite and the con artist, who are especially uninterested in school but he does not adequately address what to do with these kinds of kids. At least the other kids are interested in things that are related to learning; unless they are severely depressed, they have interests and hobbies that occupy their time and involve skills that may be usefully applied to academic work. Socialites and con artists just want to have a good time and get over; little else matters. For these kids, I recommend Gerald Graff's recently published Clueless in Academe: How Schooling Obscures the Life of the Mind. It's geared for teachers but its message of using kids'(particularly adolescents) expertise in popular culture, socializing, getting over, as well as their innately critical sensibilities, to learn how to think and speak like their teachers, is instructive. If your child fits this description, read Graff's book and recommend it to his teachers for suggestions on integrating your child's interests in class and having that positive energy transfer to his school work.

I picked up Dr. Whitley's book last summer (2001) and once I started reading, I could not put it down. I bought it and read it twice over the weekend. It was be best book I had ever read on kids, and believe me, I've read plenty. At that time, my daughter was in the 10th grade and was in trouble and making noises about droping out of school. It was uncanny reading Dr. Whitley's book, for what I had been going through with my daughter since the sixth grade was on every page, including all my mistakes and the misguided advice we had gotten to help her that usually only made things worse. I tried highlighting the useful information, but I wound up highlighting entire pages of this book. Before reading Dr. Whitley's book, I had tried everything else to help my daugher, from family and individual counseling to tutoring, rewards and punishments, supervision and just leaving her alone, to groundings, special education, various medications, and endless teacher conferences. I had read other books about kids and underachievement and adolescent troubles. Nothing worked, and in the meantime, while my daughters grades went from As in grade school to flunking four classes in her tenth grade year, her depression increased and I felt I was losing her; and just as importantly, the tensions between my wife and I were increasing. Dr. Whitley's approach made sense; it was clear, precise and sensible and offered hope.

I used his approach religiously. It was not magic, but I applied the ten steps he talks about. I gave up on groundings and punishments and took a positive approach he advises. My wife and I actually came together as we used his approach. I used the ten steps he advises over and over again until I actually dreamed about it. There are no instant miracles here, but the approach started working from the start of school last year onward. Using Dr. Whitley's approach, there were ups and downs, but my daugher began to redefine how she made decisions and learned to take control of her own behavior and motivate herself. By Christmas, her grades had improved markedly, but more importantly, her mood and self-esteem changed...she was proud of herself, of her independence, and that her success had become her idea, not mine or her mother's. By March last year, she had made the honor roll for the first time since the 5th grade and we had grown closer as a family. The lies, arguements and tensions were greatly reduced. And perhaps my greatest surprise, she changed her peer group on her own, which believe me, was a real blessing. We've continued working with this approach over the summer, and we are perhaps not through...but the changes in our family and in my daughter are more than I thought possible in the summer of last year.

This is a significant, important book for families, parents and children, and it delivers. Every parent and teacher should read this book and I wish it had been available to me years ago so that my daughter and I could have avoided all the pain and mistakes we went through all those years. Thank you Dr. Whitley for this book.

This is an excellent book for the parents of G/T students who are not bringing home the great grades they are capable of making. I have a 12 year old who tests in the 99 percentile on acheivement tests, is a Duke Tip student that received state recognition for his SAT scores as a 7th grader. His grades were C's, D's and F's. His teachers wanted him out of G/T classes but the Counselor and Principal realized that he would do worse in regular classes since G/T classes allow students to be more creative but-- this requires independence on the students part. His problems are with being independent and reponsible for his grades. This book has been amazing in helping us teach our child to be independent. Type A children are independent and competitive naturally. We must teach our Type B (but bright) children these skills. A must for parents everywhere who have bright kids with poor grades. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

My fifth grade son was showing every sign of classic underachievement. He had had a fourth grade teacher that made him feel like a complete failure, and he took that lesson to heart. His fifth grade year was littered with missing assignments, half-completed work, lies about schoolwork, and an overall horrible attitude. I felt like I was losing my child at the age of 11.

We tried the usual (punishment, lectures, etc.) to no avail. I bought this book, read it and implemented it to the best of my ability. It was counterintuitive to me (no punishment for bad behavior?) but I'm so thankful I went against my intuition.

It proceeded about like he described: two months of not a lot of progress, then the tide began to turn. The turning of the tide, however, corresponded to the end of the school year. He moved from elementary school to middle school, and is doing quite well. He's getting A's and B's in the honor program, is excited about school, and confident of his ability to succeed.

My only complaint about the book is that there aren't a lot of "success" stories included.

This book provided answers for a Mom who has tried it all--punishments to bribes, being totally involved to letting consequences fall where they may. Dr. Whitley described my 12th grade son. His book provided fascinating information about underachieving children. Most importantly he described in detail how to help such children. I feel empowered as a parent, I see my child with greater understanding, and I have real tools to help us solve the problems that have been so consuming. We've had great success implementing the 10 step program. I'm so grateful to have found this book before my son graduated from High School--it's not too late! ...

This is a great book. Dr. Michael Whitley has hit a home run.
Here is his premise. Kids want to be independent but as teenagers they are not quite ready. I disagree with the reviewer who says this book will not work on kids who are too far gone. Can you ever classify a kid as too far gone? I doubt it. The techniques discussed in this book are good for all ages of "children" who procrastinate and not just for helping children with school work. Many adults are locked in a syndrome of underachieving because they never had parents who let them experience success and failure in a loving, tolerant enviornment.

The parent is in charge. He does not rant and rave but talks to the child in a calm reassuring voice. The child begins to realize that he is ultimately responsible for his own decisions.
The parent keeps close track of the child's progress but withholds judgement. The child becomes his own best critic. The child appreciates the parental care and lack of criticism. If the child slips it is another teaching moment. Ingenious.
So far so good in our family, I hope this book helps yours too.

My husband and I have only just started implementing the suggestions in this book, but it is a relief to finally have some direction as to how to handle our 16-year-old son. I just wish we could have read this 5 years ago. After years of struggling and following teacher recommendations of consequences, planners for teachers to sign, and rewards--all to no avail; Dr. Whitley's approach puts the solution responsibilities back on the child. I can't say he particularly likes the process at this point, but it's not because we are angry or punishing. We are simply asking questions and Dr. Whitley says if they become irritated, "take heart" because that means we're hitting the right buttons. He compares the approach to Columbo and Mr. Rogers: caring, logical, inquiring. Even if it takes a long time to have the desired effect of better grades, at least we are not screaming at him and feel like we are acting more like we are on his side--which, of course, we always have been!

I didn't realize that paying for grades could be damaging.

If you read this book you'll probably find alot of things you have been doing wrong, and a protocol for how to do it right.

There are no magic pills, but the insight and the methods listed here can help. Don't expect to solve the problems over night.

I think this author has done a great job at assembling the techniques that work. He also does a great job in analyzing the psychology of the smart kid who just can't get good grades. It's amazing how many ways the child can say "the dog ate my homework."

He has a set of tapes and other material. I have not ordered that yet, but plan to. I can not comment on those.

For the cheap price of this book, you can not go wrong.

John D.

This "amazing" book by Dr. Whitley describes "underachievers" more accurately than any book I've ever read on this topic. If you have a child who is not reaching their full potential, this book is a "MUST"! I noticed one reviewer of this excellent book by was complaining about words that were mispelled and an occasional "typo". While there are a "few" errors in the book pertaining to sentence structure and spelling, it does "NOT" take away from the fact that this book is "VERY" well written! The information contained within this book is superior to any other book on this topic. Once again, this book should be "mandatory" reading for every parent.

Although the 10 steps outlined by Dr. Whitley seem clear, he doesn't spend enough time on strategies for overcoming the resistence and often strong anger that underachievers exhibit when their safety net starts moving away. As parent and teachers start to not respond to being blamed for everything and not rescueing, the anger that is unleashed by the underachiever can often be frightening.
Some of the author's suggestions really need to be initiated and guided by an outside party-I found myself often responding to Dr. Whitley's steps-"I don't know how to do that". I found that the charactersitics were helpful but I was really looking for more tools for the lay person.