Customer Reviews

Bring Out The Best In Your Child And Yourself: The Wisdom and Skills You Need to Create the Family You Want

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As a therapist and a parent, I am continually searching for the ultimate parenting book that I feel comfortable recommending to clients because it has worked for my family. I have found that book in "Bring out the Best." It's more than just a handbook of practical parenting skills, it presents a complete parenting philosophy that is respectful, insightful, forgiving and non-shaming. The beauty of the book is that it is simultaneously individual and universal. Rather than dishing out cookie-cutter parenting skills, Dr. Val-Essen asks the reader to explore the ideal parent that you would like to be and leads you through the process of making that dream a reality. After reading this book, I have developed a new level of respect for my children. I see them more clearly as seperate individuals. I have learned to recognize their unique strengths and to work with them rather than againzst them. In a sense, I have fallen in love with my children all over again. These new insights, coupled with Dr. Val-Essens's emphasis on assertion skills, has helped transform our family. We communicate more openly, enjoy each other more genuinely, and the level of cooperation in our home has risen dramatically. Parenting is not only the most difficult job anyone will ever undertake, it is also the most humbling. Dr. Val-Essen's book gently guides the reader through this process with honesty and compassion. As a result, I feel more confident in my abilities as a parent and my children reap the benefits. What could be better? I highly recommend this book.

I was fortunate enough to find this book during a most difficult time in the life of my (then) 15 year old daughter. She was one of those children that challenged every family structure and desire for peaceful coexistence. The love was unquestioned, but the pain we were experiencing was also profound. Through this book, I learned to reframe the difficulties and experiences -- and have more emotional distance so that I could truly be an effective parent for my daughter. It was a long and gradual road but today I am very grateful to report that my daughter and I are VERY close and she is building a healthy and happy life for herself. We both thank Dr. Val Essen for her significant contributions to our family relationships.

This book came very highly recommended by a teacher of a parenting class. I purchased it because I am a classroom elementary school teacher and because my brother needed some quality parenting tips. I COULD NOT PUT IT DOWN!!! When I recommend this book, I don't recommend it to parents exclusively. It is more about fostering relationships and helping people to achieve their highest potentials. It deserves a wide readership and is not limited to interactions with children. To me, this book is a whole philosophy of life (as in the quotations it includes from Mandella and Goethe)and has applications far beyond building family relationships. It addresses all meaningful interactions and relations with others. It is a book about building trusting relationships and has a wonderful philosophy of life.

This wonderfully inspiring book reveals that every child -- in their interactions, their behaviors, their dialogue with their parents-- are yearning for one thing: a loving acknowledgment of their emerging selfhood. Dr. Val-Essen relates, through illuminating examples and personal research, that our children wish to be their best self -- confident, creative, grateful, respectful and loving. We as parents sometimes shortchange our children by not listening carefully to their deeper need or their deeper fear. We might respond too hastily or too harshly (or conversely, too passively). In either case, if we're acting too much like either a Mighty or a Mini Parent, as Dr. Val-Essen says, we're not allowing our children an opportunity to express themselves fully. And in this way, we rob them of what they desire most of all, our respect. Dr. Val-Essen offers parents this challenge: Even though you might have difficulty understanding your child's behavior or actions, act as if their intentions are honorable. Act as if they really wish to discover the best in themselves.

When we respond to our children with respect and loving limits, offering an explanation or a reason for our concerns, we give them an opportunity to solve a problem, learn from a challenging situation, or take on a new responsibility.

Most of all, the book proves that there are myriad benefits to recognizing all the things our children do right. Positive reinforcement and genuine praise leads to more positive and genuine acts of respect, kindness and maturity.

Her book is filled with practical wisdom, actionable solutions, illuminating examples as well as exercises that help us decode and decipher the sudden appearance of unexpected guests (certain sub-personalities that take over when you or your child is feeling anxious. frightened, ignored, confused or under-appreciated), and a veritable toolkit to help parents with listening skills, communication skills, creating a family charter, and making plans for a daily routine or to deal with new situations.

Having tried some of the exercises myself, (trust me, you'll be surprised by what they reveal) I'd like to say that I heartily recommend this lovely book to anyone who hopes to be a more mindful and loving parent.

Dr. Val-Essen's book has been a life-saver for our family! Application of her easy-to-understand, intuitive techniques yielded significant results with our four-year-old son within six weeks. More to the point, the book taught us many things about ourselves that we were overlooking, but that our child obviously was not. Once the book showed us how to see things about ourselves from his perspective more clearly, the rest of our parenting work became a joy rather than a burden. Our household is now back on track and our family interactions are increasingly refreshing and enjoyable for each of us. Thank you Ilene! A number of our friends with whom we have shared even a fraction of Dr. Val-Essen's ideas have experienced positive results as well. We highly recommend this book to parents with children of any age.

Bring Out The Best -- In Your Child And Yourself is a wonderful exploration of emotionally responsible parenting. There are many texts out there with some terrific techniques and methodologies aimed at helping your child learn to behave or otherwise acclimate to the adult world. This book takes the issue one step farther. Dr. Val-Essen helps us parents examine how we can get in the way of a meaningful relationship with our own children. In simple language and with lots of real-world examples she helps us learn more about ourselves and therefor more about growing closer to our children. With this book as a guide I've been able to step out of the way and allow my children more room to grow into themselves in their own unique way. I highly recommend Bring Out The Best -- In Your Child And Yourself and it's philosophy, not to mention the great illustrations!