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Bringing Metal to the Children: The Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination [Hardcover]

Zakk Wylde , Eric Hendrikx
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (57 customer reviews)

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Book Description

April 10, 2012

Bringing Metal to the Children is a handbook to all things Heavy Metal, brought to you by insane prankster and guitar god Zakk Wylde, of Ozzy Osbourne and Black Label Society fame.

This “Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination” provides tips and tests for the True Rocker—as wild man Zakk Wylde invites all who dare onto the tour bus for brain-bursting tales of glory, debauchery, and general mayhem in the dangerous metal universe.


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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Zakk Wylde. Great Player. Great Sound. Great friend.” (Eddie Van Halen)

“Zakk Wylde is one of the true Heavy Metal guitar heroes of his generation. They don’t come much beter than Zakk!” (Slash)

“If Zakk Wylde did not exisit, we would have to build him like Frankenstein’s monster. The hands of Randy Rhoads sewn onto the body of Conan the Barbarian implanted with the brain of Larry David.” (Rob Zombie)

“When Zakk plays, it’s like Guitarmageddon!! An audio assault coming from his fret board, the ture meaning of a guitar hero.” (Kerry King, Slayer)

“In my opinion, Zakk Wylde is the f*cking best guitarist in the world. He curses like a f*cking marine and knows more about f*cking music than anybody I’ve ever f*cking met. I hope you can use this f*cking opinion.” (William Shatner)

From the Back Cover

So you've watched the movies This Is Spinal Tap and Monty Python and the Holy Grail a hundred times each, and now you desire another brilliant opus to tickle your cranial sponge in a similar fashion. Well, look no further, fellow Berzerkers! Golden god Zakk Wylde and his brother-in-Metal Eric Hendrikx are about to take you on a Black Label Crusade of World Tour Domination, sharing never-before-told stories of backstage lunacy and Metal-maniacal anecdotes for the aspiring Berzerker like you.

Why would you need to buy this book about a modern-day Viking who strums his own fiddle for a living? You'd better ask yourself one simple question: Would you rather have us come beat the money out of you, or do you want to give it up the easy and painless way?

As a twenty-five-year veteran of the Ozzy Osbourne band and Black Label Society, Zakk Wylde has managed not only to stay alive against all odds but has also survived numerous attacks on his life by members of his own band, his wife, his children, his manager, and even his dogs. Among deranged tales of onstage indecent exposure and booze-fueled destruction, Wylde continues your Metal awakening with the sacred founding myths—explaining, for instance, how the forging of Metal in Valhalla begot the Black Label Empire—and lays out the battle-tested Rules of the Road.

For the young Metal Loki, Wylde offers exclusive tips on how not to make it in the business, insights about planning your band's tour and outfitting the Black Vatican recording studio, plus more useful advice on how to set up a shooting range on a tour bus and how to survive a mosh pit. Bringing Metal to the Children will make you laugh, weep, vomit—maybe even soil yourself—and if you aspire to new heights of Metal mayhem, get on the bus and get ready for the Metal ride of your life.


Product Details

  • Hardcover: 320 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow; First Printing edition (April 10, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 9780062002747
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062002747
  • ASIN: 0062002740
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (57 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #31,005 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

If you are a BLS fan, in a band, or both, this book is a good read. CoryHarter  |  21 reviewers made a similar statement
I am writing this for my teenage son, Zakk Wylde is his favorite guitarist . M. Whitfield  |  2 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
18 of 21 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not enough MEAT June 9, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
Zakk's book is written in a weird, pseudo-viking style. Let me say it... this book is all about propagating the 'mystique' that Zakk has built around himself being a viking/lumberjack guitar hero. It's a stylistic adaptation that some people can relate to, and if you buy in, it is akin to being in a motorcycle club, or something. The club here, though, is the BLACK LABEL SOCIETY, and this is what members must support. Zakk has changed his persona and morphed into the bearded lumberjack/viking leader of this sect. Is it for commercial reasons? I think so, although I can see this as being something real for him, too.

I've enjoyed Zakk's guitar work since he came out in 1988 as Ozzy's new axeman. I think he's a great player. I thought this book would give us some background into his life, and that it would include tons of stories about his career. Only about 30 percent of the book has this kind of stuff. The rest is babble having to do with the BLS lifestyle. In that way, I found the book a major disappointment.

The book is written by Zakk and one other person. If I had edited this book, I would have taken out everything written by the other guy. It was not necessary. I would have preferred a SUPER LONG career-spanning interview with Zakk than what we got in this book.

I will admit, though... a few of the stories (involving bowel movements) had me laughing so hard, my stomach was hurting. No book has ever made me laugh like I did with this one.

So buyer beware... reading this book is like having a conversation with dudes. You know, the kind of stuff guys talk about... that nobody else is supposed to hear. It's rude, obnoxious, shocking, homophobic, tasteless, and embarrassing. I almost quit reading because it was going nowhere. I kept on and was rewarded slightly, but not enough. I can't help but feel that this book could have been so much better had Zakk given us more information about how he does what he does so well.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Persistence April 14, 2012
By Martin
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
Finished the above mentioned book in three nights. I am literally craving more of the same. You will not be disappointed and as others have stated it was well worth the wait. This extraordinary inside look at this phenomenal musician and the world of metal will no doubt answer your most intriguing questions. It is a gut-busting laugh riot of epic proportions. Even if you're not a "rivethead" you will find this book to being a treasure. Seriously hoping there is more to come in the future days ahead...SDMF
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11 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An unapologetic look at music. April 12, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
As a member of the Indiana chapter of the Black Label Society, I found this book to be
required reading.

Zakk takes you on a tongue-in-cheek (or tongue in anus, as Zakk would probably call it..) adventure
through the music business and the Black Label Society. The humor may not be for everyone.
It is full of swearing and homosexual references, but people that love this type of music and
understand the character of Zakk Wylde will fully grasp the humor involved.

Zakk lovingly molests you through several chapters versing from what a Berserker is to the history of the
Black Vatican to how to survive while on tour as a musician. The stories shared in this book are worth the
price of admission! To find out the music business IS as bad as everything thinks it is, well that's priceless.

A hilarious read, I very well suggest this book to anyone that bleeds Black Label. Or Rock 'n Roll.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars Interesting, but not exactly deep
You have to like the guy's attitude in many ways, but there is neither a lot of insight or interesting historical information. Read more
Published 4 days ago by J. T. Gotsick
5.0 out of 5 stars Love it
I love Zack and the genre so I had to have the book. He's totally hilarious, and i have to say as far as i read (just started the book) he's a pretty good writer too.
Published 14 days ago by Iona
4.0 out of 5 stars Pretty crazy book, by pretty crazy guy
Mr Wylde has seen it all in the metal biz and has it all in this book. Pretty easy read.
Published 27 days ago by robert cunningham
5.0 out of 5 stars BLS
This has to be the best book i have read in months! i would highly recommend reading it if you are a fan of either BLS or Zakk Wylde. Read more
Published 1 month ago by aimee
5.0 out of 5 stars There is no better then Zakk
I wish the Book would have been wrote by Zakk alone but it was still a good book and very much worth Reading .
Published 1 month ago by Stephen Muecke
3.0 out of 5 stars rock stories
very interesting, a little hard to follow who is talking sometimes. (guest writers) great stories about the road, family and music.
Published 2 months ago by Joy
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny
I bought this book for my son and he thought it was funny and insightful. Would recomend this book to anyone.
Published 2 months ago by Dawn Faulkner
5.0 out of 5 stars FUNNY AS S***
Zakk tells it like it is in the hysterical book!! Not for the squeamish or those who get easily offended!! He is the MAN....GIFD brotha!!
Published 2 months ago by Jeff Shernov
5.0 out of 5 stars A look into metal
Being the lover of anything music I decided what better book to read than one written by one of the greatest guitarists ever. Read more
Published 3 months ago by B. Newby
4.0 out of 5 stars A refreshing and fun read, and it's METAL.
I read a lot of books about music and the people who make it. Zakk Wylde is not the most interesting in this topic and he seems to know it by the way he approached this book. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Clint K. Adams
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