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Bringing Metal to the Children: The Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination Hardcover – April 10, 2012


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Bringing Metal to the Children: The Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination + Official Truth, 101 Proof: The Inside Story of Pantera + Black Tooth Grin: The High Life, Good Times, and Tragic End of "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 320 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow; First Printing edition (April 10, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0062002740
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062002747
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (102 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #296,713 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Zakk Wylde. Great Player. Great Sound. Great friend.” (Eddie Van Halen)

“Zakk Wylde is one of the true Heavy Metal guitar heroes of his generation. They don’t come much beter than Zakk!” (Slash)

“If Zakk Wylde did not exisit, we would have to build him like Frankenstein’s monster. The hands of Randy Rhoads sewn onto the body of Conan the Barbarian implanted with the brain of Larry David.” (Rob Zombie)

“When Zakk plays, it’s like Guitarmageddon!! An audio assault coming from his fret board, the ture meaning of a guitar hero.” (Kerry King, Slayer)

“In my opinion, Zakk Wylde is the f*cking best guitarist in the world. He curses like a f*cking marine and knows more about f*cking music than anybody I’ve ever f*cking met. I hope you can use this f*cking opinion.” (William Shatner)

From the Back Cover

So you've watched the movies This Is Spinal Tap and Monty Python and the Holy Grail a hundred times each, and now you desire another brilliant opus to tickle your cranial sponge in a similar fashion. Well, look no further, fellow Berzerkers! Golden god Zakk Wylde and his brother-in-Metal Eric Hendrikx are about to take you on a Black Label Crusade of World Tour Domination, sharing never-before-told stories of backstage lunacy and Metal-maniacal anecdotes for the aspiring Berzerker like you.

Why would you need to buy this book about a modern-day Viking who strums his own fiddle for a living? You'd better ask yourself one simple question: Would you rather have us come beat the money out of you, or do you want to give it up the easy and painless way?

As a twenty-five-year veteran of the Ozzy Osbourne band and Black Label Society, Zakk Wylde has managed not only to stay alive against all odds but has also survived numerous attacks on his life by members of his own band, his wife, his children, his manager, and even his dogs. Among deranged tales of onstage indecent exposure and booze-fueled destruction, Wylde continues your Metal awakening with the sacred founding myths—explaining, for instance, how the forging of Metal in Valhalla begot the Black Label Empire—and lays out the battle-tested Rules of the Road.

For the young Metal Loki, Wylde offers exclusive tips on how not to make it in the business, insights about planning your band's tour and outfitting the Black Vatican recording studio, plus more useful advice on how to set up a shooting range on a tour bus and how to survive a mosh pit. Bringing Metal to the Children will make you laugh, weep, vomit—maybe even soil yourself—and if you aspire to new heights of Metal mayhem, get on the bus and get ready for the Metal ride of your life.


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Customer Reviews

A very entertaining read.
Van Nimrick
Being the lover of anything music I decided what better book to read than one written by one of the greatest guitarists ever.
B. Newby
He's totally hilarious, and i have to say as far as i read (just started the book) he's a pretty good writer too.
Iona

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

23 of 27 people found the following review helpful By Fernando H. Ramirez VINE VOICE on June 9, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Zakk's book is written in a weird, pseudo-viking style. Let me say it... this book is all about propagating the 'mystique' that Zakk has built around himself being a viking/lumberjack guitar hero. It's a stylistic adaptation that some people can relate to, and if you buy in, it is akin to being in a motorcycle club, or something. The club here, though, is the BLACK LABEL SOCIETY, and this is what members must support. Zakk has changed his persona and morphed into the bearded lumberjack/viking leader of this sect. Is it for commercial reasons? I think so, although I can see this as being something real for him, too.

I've enjoyed Zakk's guitar work since he came out in 1988 as Ozzy's new axeman. I think he's a great player. I thought this book would give us some background into his life, and that it would include tons of stories about his career. Only about 30 percent of the book has this kind of stuff. The rest is babble having to do with the BLS lifestyle. In that way, I found the book a major disappointment.

The book is written by Zakk and one other person. If I had edited this book, I would have taken out everything written by the other guy. It was not necessary. I would have preferred a SUPER LONG career-spanning interview with Zakk than what we got in this book.

I will admit, though... a few of the stories (involving bowel movements) had me laughing so hard, my stomach was hurting. No book has ever made me laugh like I did with this one.

So buyer beware... reading this book is like having a conversation with dudes. You know, the kind of stuff guys talk about... that nobody else is supposed to hear. It's rude, obnoxious, shocking, homophobic, tasteless, and embarrassing. I almost quit reading because it was going nowhere.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Martin on April 14, 2012
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Finished the above mentioned book in three nights. I am literally craving more of the same. You will not be disappointed and as others have stated it was well worth the wait. This extraordinary inside look at this phenomenal musician and the world of metal will no doubt answer your most intriguing questions. It is a gut-busting laugh riot of epic proportions. Even if you're not a "rivethead" you will find this book to being a treasure. Seriously hoping there is more to come in the future days ahead...SDMF
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13 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Aaron Bachstein on April 12, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
As a member of the Indiana chapter of the Black Label Society, I found this book to be
required reading.

Zakk takes you on a tongue-in-cheek (or tongue in anus, as Zakk would probably call it..) adventure
through the music business and the Black Label Society. The humor may not be for everyone.
It is full of swearing and homosexual references, but people that love this type of music and
understand the character of Zakk Wylde will fully grasp the humor involved.

Zakk lovingly molests you through several chapters versing from what a Berserker is to the history of the
Black Vatican to how to survive while on tour as a musician. The stories shared in this book are worth the
price of admission! To find out the music business IS as bad as everything thinks it is, well that's priceless.

A hilarious read, I very well suggest this book to anyone that bleeds Black Label. Or Rock 'n Roll.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Randy V on April 23, 2012
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
When I attempt to explain this book to my friends, I fall short on words (This coming from a man who can talk your ear off). This book is a hybrid of the Marquis de Sade's "The 120 Days of Sodom", Major John Plaster's "The Ultimate Sniper", mixed with the HBO series "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Now if you can crush those three items together into a single literary work, you get "Bringing Metal to the Children". This is a no-holds-barred, slit your throat, knock your teeth out, and smash your head in look at the world of the music business through the eyes of guitar wizard Zakk Wylde (with some very cool offerings to the Norse gods from Eric Hendrix). I love this book. Not since Gary Larson's Far Side have I laughed so much at the printed word. If you are a ninny, forget it - you will be offended. If you are squeamish brace yourself, it's pucker time! A must read for all hard rock enthusiasts and anyone serious about taking a run at success in the vicious world known as the music business. This is a realistic blueprint on how to give it your best shot. Don't ever change Zakk - the world needs you just the way you are!

Randy V (author) - Coven of Celsus - Elizabeth: an erotic horror

PS - Zakk, I never got to tell you that the solo in "Riders of the Damned" is one of the most violent ass-kicking leads I have ever heard. Every time I hear that f~*^ing break I am compelled to play air guitar and destroy s~^t! Thank you for recording it! SDMF
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By shaggzilla on April 20, 2012
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
A fabulous book written with Zakk's tongue-in-cheek humor. He is one of the funniest Viking Berzerkers that ever picked up a Les Paul, and lay waste to any imposter, poser, metal bands!!! Great book, easy read, and hard to put down!!
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Joe Daly on April 18, 2012
Format: Hardcover
As someone who reviews rock biographies for a living, "Bringing Metal to the Children" was a great surprise and an unmitigated joy to read. The archetypal rock biography follows the formula of covering the artist's early years, their first forays into music, success and then generally pulverizing failure, followed by redemption. It's not a bad formula; in fact, it's a tried and true recipe for a compelling story.

Wylde entirely sidesteps this recipe however, with spectacularly entertaining results. "Bringing Metal to the Children" is loosely-organized as a primer on succeeding as a musician. Wylde covers everything from setting up a home studio to etiquette on the tour bus. The real enjoyment however, is how these stories play out--not in bone-dry, "How To" prose, but in coffee-spitting, over-the-top allegories wherein Wylde shares his triumphs and missteps in jaw-droppingly profane language. The result is a book that flows like a conversation. Conversations take unexpected turns, they explore tangents, roll into segues and unfold in approachable, often colorful language and that is precisely the experience contained in these pages.

Of course, conversations (the ones that don't require psychiatric intervention), involve more than one person, and "Bringing Metal to the Children" boasts a supporting cast of storytellers from Lars Ulrich to Slash. There are a number of essays and sidebars written by Wylde's contemporaries, friends and co-author Hendrikx. Throughout the book, Wylde steps in and comments on what others have said, including a series of gut-busting exchanges with co-author Eric Hendrikx.
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