Bringing Metal to the Children: The Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination [Hardcover]

Zakk Wylde (Author), Eric Hendrikx (Author)

Book Description

Release date: April 10, 2012

Bringing Metal to the Children is a handbook to all things Heavy Metal, brought to you by insane prankster and guitar god Zakk Wylde, of Ozzy Osbourne and Black Label Society fame.

This “Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination” provides tips and tests for the True Rocker—as wild man Zakk Wylde invites all who dare onto the tour bus for brain-bursting tales of glory, debauchery, and general mayhem in the dangerous metal universe.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Zakk Wylde. Great Player. Great Sound. Great friend.” (Eddie Van Halen)

“Zakk Wylde is one of the true Heavy Metal guitar heroes of his generation. They don’t come much beter than Zakk!” (Slash)

“If Zakk Wylde did not exisit, we would have to build him like Frankenstein’s monster. The hands of Randy Rhoads sewn onto the body of Conan the Barbarian implanted with the brain of Larry David.” (Rob Zombie)

“When Zakk plays, it’s like Guitarmageddon!! An audio assault coming from his fret board, the ture meaning of a guitar hero.” (Kerry King, Slayer)

“In my opinion, Zakk Wylde is the f*cking best guitarist in the world. He curses like a f*cking marine and knows more about f*cking music than anybody I’ve ever f*cking met. I hope you can use this f*cking opinion.” (William Shatner)

From the Back Cover

So you've watched the movies This Is Spinal Tap and Monty Python and the Holy Grail a hundred times each, and now you desire another brilliant opus to tickle your cranial sponge in a similar fashion. Well, look no further, fellow Berzerkers! Golden god Zakk Wylde and his brother-in-Metal Eric Hendrikx are about to take you on a Black Label Crusade of World Tour Domination, sharing never-before-told stories of backstage lunacy and Metal-maniacal anecdotes for the aspiring Berzerker like you.

Why would you need to buy this book about a modern-day Viking who strums his own fiddle for a living? You'd better ask yourself one simple question: Would you rather have us come beat the money out of you, or do you want to give it up the easy and painless way?

As a twenty-five-year veteran of the Ozzy Osbourne band and Black Label Society, Zakk Wylde has managed not only to stay alive against all odds but has also survived numerous attacks on his life by members of his own band, his wife, his children, his manager, and even his dogs. Among deranged tales of onstage indecent exposure and booze-fueled destruction, Wylde continues your Metal awakening with the sacred founding myths—explaining, for instance, how the forging of Metal in Valhalla begot the Black Label Empire—and lays out the battle-tested Rules of the Road.

For the young Metal Loki, Wylde offers exclusive tips on how not to make it in the business, insights about planning your band's tour and outfitting the Black Vatican recording studio, plus more useful advice on how to set up a shooting range on a tour bus and how to survive a mosh pit. Bringing Metal to the Children will make you laugh, weep, vomit—maybe even soil yourself—and if you aspire to new heights of Metal mayhem, get on the bus and get ready for the Metal ride of your life.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow; First Printing edition (April 10, 2012)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 9780062002747
• ISBN-13: 978-0062002747
• ASIN: 0062002740
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (63 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #170,228 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #57 in Books > Arts & Photography > Music > Musical Genres > Heavy Metal

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 23 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Not enough MEAT June 9, 2012

By Fernando H. Ramirez VINE™ VOICE

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

Zakk's book is written in a weird, pseudo-viking style. Let me say it... this book is all about propagating the 'mystique' that Zakk has built around himself being a viking/lumberjack guitar hero. It's a stylistic adaptation that some people can relate to, and if you buy in, it is akin to being in a motorcycle club, or something. The club here, though, is the BLACK LABEL SOCIETY, and this is what members must support. Zakk has changed his persona and morphed into the bearded lumberjack/viking leader of this sect. Is it for commercial reasons? I think so, although I can see this as being something real for him, too.

I've enjoyed Zakk's guitar work since he came out in 1988 as Ozzy's new axeman. I think he's a great player. I thought this book would give us some background into his life, and that it would include tons of stories about his career. Only about 30 percent of the book has this kind of stuff. The rest is babble having to do with the BLS lifestyle. In that way, I found the book a major disappointment.

The book is written by Zakk and one other person. If I had edited this book, I would have taken out everything written by the other guy. It was not necessary. I would have preferred a SUPER LONG career-spanning interview with Zakk than what we got in this book.

I will admit, though... a few of the stories (involving bowel movements) had me laughing so hard, my stomach was hurting. No book has ever made me laugh like I did with this one.

So buyer beware... reading this book is like having a conversation with dudes. You know, the kind of stuff guys talk about... that nobody else is supposed to hear. It's rude, obnoxious, shocking, homophobic, tasteless, and embarrassing. I almost quit reading because it was going nowhere.... I kept on and was rewarded slightly, but not enough. I can't help but feel that this book could have been so much better had Zakk given us more information about how he does what he does so well. Read more ›

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Persistence April 14, 2012

By Martin

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Finished the above mentioned book in three nights. I am literally craving more of the same. You will not be disappointed and as others have stated it was well worth the wait. This extraordinary inside look at this phenomenal musician and the world of metal will no doubt answer your most intriguing questions. It is a gut-busting laugh riot of epic proportions. Even if you're not a "rivethead" you will find this book to being a treasure. Seriously hoping there is more to come in the future days ahead...SDMF

11 of 14 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars An unapologetic look at music. April 12, 2012

By Aaron Bachstein

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

As a member of the Indiana chapter of the Black Label Society, I found this book to be
required reading.

Zakk takes you on a tongue-in-cheek (or tongue in anus, as Zakk would probably call it..) adventure
through the music business and the Black Label Society. The humor may not be for everyone.
It is full of swearing and homosexual references, but people that love this type of music and
understand the character of Zakk Wylde will fully grasp the humor involved.

Zakk lovingly molests you through several chapters versing from what a Berserker is to the history of the
Black Vatican to how to survive while on tour as a musician. The stories shared in this book are worth the
price of admission! To find out the music business IS as bad as everything thinks it is, well that's priceless.

A hilarious read, I very well suggest this book to anyone that bleeds Black Label. Or Rock 'n Roll.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars meh February 7, 2013

By andrew marshall

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

too much bulls***, he tries too hard to be funny all the time, gets tiring in the end, and I was left wanting more

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars THE FURY OF THE NORSEMAN April 23, 2012

By Randy V

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

When I attempt to explain this book to my friends, I fall short on words (This coming from a man who can talk your ear off). This book is a hybrid of the Marquis de Sade's "The 120 Days of Sodom", Major John Plaster's "The Ultimate Sniper", mixed with the HBO series "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Now if you can crush those three items together into a single literary work, you get "Bringing Metal to the Children". This is a no-holds-barred, slit your throat, knock your teeth out, and smash your head in look at the world of the music business through the eyes of guitar wizard Zakk Wylde (with some very cool offerings to the Norse gods from Eric Hendrix). I love this book. Not since Gary Larson's Far Side have I laughed so much at the printed word. If you are a ninny, forget it - you will be offended. If you are squeamish brace yourself, it's pucker time! A must read for all hard rock enthusiasts and anyone serious about taking a run at success in the vicious world known as the music business. This is a realistic blueprint on how to give it your best shot. Don't ever change Zakk - the world needs you just the way you are!

Randy V (author) - Coven of Celsus - Elizabeth: an erotic horror

PS - Zakk, I never got to tell you that the solo in "Riders of the Damned" is one of the most violent ass-kicking leads I have ever heard. Every time I hear that f~*^ing break I am compelled to play air guitar and destroy s~^t! Thank you for recording it! SDMF

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars The philosophy of Zakk Wylde October 7, 2012

By swiftnet

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

I haven't finished the book, not sure I will. The book has some very funny stories but the bulk of it is about Zakk's philosophy.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Just Awesome!!! April 20, 2012

By shaggzilla

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

A fabulous book written with Zakk's tongue-in-cheek humor. He is one of the funniest Viking Berzerkers that ever picked up a Les Paul, and lay waste to any imposter, poser, metal bands!!! Great book, easy read, and hard to put down!!