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Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome Audio CD – Audiobook, Unabridged


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Bro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome + The Playbook: Suit up. Score chicks. Be awesome. + The Bro Code
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Product Details

  • Audio CD
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio; Unabridged edition (October 2, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1442359668
  • ISBN-13: 978-1442359666
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 5.1 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,599,329 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Barney Stinson is awesome. He works for a powerful bank in New York City but somehow finds time to “suit up” and help the less fortunate, in particular his lovelorn and all together pathetic bro Ted Mosby—seriously, that dude’s got probs. When Barney’s not staging private bikini calendar shoots, test-driving tanks, or elbow-deep in another legendary activity, like riding a tiger bareback or blowing up a guitar, he can be seen on the hit CBS show How I Met Your Mother with his friends Ted, Robin, Lily, and Marshall.

Matt Kuhn is a staff writer for the CBS hit show How I Met Your Mother and also produces Barney’s Blog for the show’s website. He lives in Los Angeles, California, which is conveniently where he works.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

GOLDISLUT AND THE THREE BROS

nce upon a time there were three Bros: Barney Bro, Marshall Bro, and Ted Bro. They were going out later for what would no doubt be another legendary night and decided to go pound some shots at the bar to get properly psyched.

Just then Goldislut, a blond hottie who lived upstairs, wandered into their pad, looking to borrow some sugar, if you know what I mean. She decided to sit down and wait for the Bros to get back. Barney’s chair was too hard (what up!), Ted’s chair was too soft, and Marshall’s chair was okay I guess, though it leans awkwardly to the left and he should really get that checked out.

Soon Goldislut grew tired of waiting and went into the bedroom to lie down. Marshall’s bed was too dirty, Ted’s bed was too rigid from inactivity, but Barney’s bed was just right, despite being so big—Goldislut liked it that way.

When the three Bros came home, they found their lair a mess. Marshall Bro said, “Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” Barney Bro said, “Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” And Ted Bro said, “At least something of mine is getting sat on.”

They went into the bedroom and saw Goldislut asleep in Barney’s bed. When she awoke, she winked sexily at Barney Bro but was understandably frightened by Ted Bro and Marshall Bro. Barney Bro kicked them out and gave Goldislut some sugar. Then he had sex with her.

The End

GETTING JACKED

Until your child can walk on his own, you’ll be forced to carry him around in your arms since many cultures frown upon dragging a baby behind you on a tow rope. It can be quite the workout since it’s just like carrying a 25 pound dumbbell everywhere you go . . . if the dumbbell squirmed, drooled, and frequently crapped all over itself. The good news is you’ll quickly start to notice some dramatic muscle growth: your biceps will bulge out faster than when Popeye chugs a can of spinach, your triceps will harden faster than when Bruce Banner gets angry and hulks out, and your forearms will tone faster than when a fourteen-year-old hits puberty and starts cranking his deal like it’s a stubborn can of spray paint.

ARE YOU READY TO BE
A PARENT?


s you consider having a child, one of the first questions you should ask yourself is, “Am I sober right now?” We’ve all made a poor decision while drunk, be it reenacting the van surfing scene from Teen Wolf or sleeping with a balding chick or commandeering a police horse to escape the balding chick . . . but this is too important a decision to make while under the influence of alcohol.

The question you really need to ask yourself is, “Am I ready to be a parent?” Becoming a mother or a father requires a whole new set of responsibilities, such as

Getting home every single night before 3 AM

Trading in your wardrobe for ugly sweaters and high-riding “slacks”

Watching and having an informed opinion on each week’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

Paying taxes

Having sex almost exclusively with just one other person

Many people are understandably nervous about these types of lifestyle changes and aren’t ready to trade in an invigorating social life, geographic mobility, disposable income, a rewarding sense of self, relative quiet, exercise, a flexible calendar, and regular sleep patterns for the joy of wiping diarrhea off a baby’s legs, hands, and face. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

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Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
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HIMYM fans will love it.
Brittany
Not as good as some of the original books but still a very enjoyable read, High recommended along with The Bro Code, Bro on the Go, and The Playbook.
Brad
This is a very funny book and they have througouhly enjoyed what they've read so far.
Terry

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Brad on November 19, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Not as good as some of the original books but still a very enjoyable read, High recommended along with The Bro Code, Bro on the Go, and The Playbook.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By James N Simpson on November 20, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition
For me this is a running out of ideas, cashing in on the success of the other books and the TV show How I Met Your Mother's popularity type of publication. Most of the stuff in here is a long way beyond what Barney Stinson would actually write, and is just immature lame toilet humour at best. There is the odd parody of children's picture books (or at least the covers) of the Giving Tree, Goodnight Moon, Where the Wild Things Are as well as parodies of nursery rhymes with new titles such as Mary Had a Little Bang, Little Jack Horny, Bro MacDonald that are okay, but the rest of the book is pretty much just filler. I'd check this one out from your local library before paying any money for it.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Terry on December 3, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I gave this gift to my brother and sister-in-law who recently had a baby. This is a very funny book and they have througouhly enjoyed what they've read so far. I would recommend as a gift for first time parents.
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By Ragel on July 8, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I love me some Barney stories, and I love that his spin is all throughout the book but...the book really wasn't that impressive. I skimmed through it in about 5 - 10 minutes and was done. No need to read back through it, and no desire to read the whole thing.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Read some of this before I bought it. I previewed it by clicking the "Look Inside!" button next to the picture on Amazon. It's hilarious, as expected.
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By Tina Larkins on June 16, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Love the book as we love the TV show. Thank you very much for a great book we will get plenty of use of it.
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By Karinna Durand on April 22, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Great condition, exactly as advertised. My brother "worships" Barney Stinson, and is going to be a father soon, this is just perfect for him.
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By Jim Salotti on February 15, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Continuing the book saga of Barney's rediculousness, it is a fun book. And, despite the fact that he gives terrible advice, you do see some thngs that are worth keeping in mind. (Though you may have to REALLY read between the lines. Haha.)
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