People seem to use words in different ways. I wonder if there ever was a word that all people used in exactly the same way. I assume that some words have meanings. Maybe all words have the same meaning (this thought frightens me).
I wonder how many ways the word sanctity has been used. And then there is the word Christian. That is a word that I have heard people use in different ways. Some people label themselves Christians. I am a Christian, they say.
Dear diary, I don’t mind pedaling hard when biking uphill. – That’s a lie: I hate engaging in any physical effort, even if it’s the act of lifting a pen; so please take charge and compose this entry for me.
You will flood the rest of this notebook page with words, after I share these flowers that I plucked from a birthday balloon:
Oops, that was a picture of wigs on a cross – a still frame from Luis Buñuel’s L’Âge d’or. I like Wikipedia’s a
This post’s obligatory image is a picture that I found in a dictionary; therefore, when saving it in the computer, I named its file “dicpic.”
On my bicycle this morning, I passed a house that had a large white truck parked in its driveway. This truck had the words “Wood Floor Installation” printed on the side of its trailer. It pleased me to be reminded that I can ride straight home and read a book instead of having to deal with contractors. Bryan Ray
What follows is the total number of bullets that I found inside of my presidential candidate. Just because my sweetheart’s pet name for me is “Sunshine Bear” doesn’t mean that I’m not a dangerous criminal. My addiction to English literature has become a problem. I can accept more love than you’re willing to give, so feel free to love me intensely. In hopes of attaining salvation, I gallop at full speed into the rendering plant. Online social networking is like saltwater to the thirst of l
During the part of the week that followed Tuesday and preceded Thursday, my guru Madame Suez spoke with me about spirituality. She expressed interest in the ideas from eastern Asia. After our talk, thoughts kept bounding around in my mind: I’ll type them onto this TV screen, dear diary, in hopes that it might help them rest in peace.
Presently in the USA, there is rampant interest in oriental practices. This smells like a fad to me. Yoga franchises are popping up every
Someday inhibitions will be placed in their boudoirs and given little bows for their hair so that they can admire themselves in a prison-sized vanity while the rest of the mental landscape is running amok.
Now here are some cheeps: I’m like a cat—I have no clue what’s going on . . . or, perhaps because of this, I am the opposite of a cat. Your body is a sweet spot of the ecosystem. I’m not interested in anything that can be labeled, so I’m not interested in poetry. (I’m i
Dear diary, before I discover my calling in life, here is a picture that I found in a dictionary. It was being used to illustrate the word goatee.
Prolengomenon to exposing my special purpose
There’s an attitude that I’ve observed in online interactions – I wish that I could acquire it, but I’ve found it elusive:
When people communicate with each other on the social networks, they employ phrasing that is attractively blasé. Their remarks are casual and offhand –
Thomas Heise took this picture and I censored it:
Near the end of one of my favorite movies, The Master (2012), Peggy Dodd says to Freddie Quell: “You just can’t take this life straight, can you?” …I don’t see how anyone can take this life straight. To make sure that I had the correct spellings for those characters’ names, I visited Wikipedia (which is always right, all the time, guaranteed or your money back), and I noticed that Quell was described as “a sex-obsessed
I will not say that this is not an envelope:
Bike ride CXIV
Today I passed by a house in my neighborhood which had its garage door open and colorful streamers plus a “Congrats Grad” banner, and there were clusters of people loitering in the yard holding paper cups filled with nonalcoholic beverages. Then I passed about nine more scenes like this, as I rode around the block on my bicycle.
Also I saw construction workers using giant machines to demolish one of the backroa
As for my fear of rain, it’s not something I’m proud of. I wish I could learn to love the natural shower and travel afoot without my wetsuit. And maybe I should take a class on small talk: that way, I might perchance befriend pedestrians.
Also, regarding the movie monster that I made, I’m surprised that you saw it! After I created the thing, I regretted bringing it to life; so I refused to pay for its business’s online advert; thus, in order to upload its self-portraits, it had to ste
As the owner of a restaurant, if I were to witness a beautiful woman attempting to pour orange juice into a coffee cup, I would stop her politely and explain: Only vodka goes in coffee cups, madame. The proper way to drink orange juice is from a collins glass brimming with white rum.
Here’s my receipt—I’d like to exchange this Moses for a better one.
I wonder if the watchers have triangulated our whereabouts yet.
If I were to act in a play, I would want th
Before I begin my sermon, here’s a picture that you can use to hypnotize yourself:
News or not
My mom is selling her gorgeous lakeshore cottage. She is receiving offers left and right: eighty grand; ninety grand; one hundred and thirty pieces of silver! This is stressful because she needs to stop the moneyflood NOW – but she lacks both a printer and a scanner; so she is unable to print the sale form and sign it and scan it and send it back to the buyer. She just might have to r
Dear diary, I will confide to you an advisory parable after I share the following image, which was saved inside my computer under the descriptive title: both sides of the same paper scrap.
Let us place a number of figurines in a shoebox. This will be our world and its inhabitants. The population of our world is large, and the figurines are hungry.
A large population needs an abundant amount of food. If we rain from heaven a truckload of plastic hamburge
I used to believe in Christianity sincerely. Then I met a girl who was Anti-Christian. I was concerned about this girl, because I assumed that, if she didn’t become a Christian, her afterlife would be spent in eternal hellfire. Since I cared about her soul, I wanted to help her accept Christianity: so, when I asked this Anti-Christian to explain why she (dis)believes as she does, I listened very carefully to her answers. My hope was that I might be able to resolve her criticis
Below are some lines that I drew. Inhale them deeply, because the rest of this entry will be just plain text without images: for it is a scientific paper that I wrote in order to prove that CDs are worthless.
In the beginning, all music was stored on analog cassette tapes. Then, for my sweet sixteenth birthday, CDs were invented. (The acronym “CD” stands for “compact disc.”) This invention initiated the downfall of our economy.
Fools claim that CDs are super
Did you know that I bathe in an ice-cold stream every day? Well, here is a list of statements that I recently shouted: My eyes cannot bear to follow the trail all of the way up to its heavenly birthplace, but I swear that the sun is bleeding smoke this morning. I work most gladly when not forced to work. The bespectacled virgin saddles a domesticated markhor. Not yet have I wavered in my opinion that life ends at 26 and the rest is rehash. I want everything to be so marm that I want every
Since the spring arrived here in Antarctica, I have been trying to walk around as much as possible, in order to stay healthy, so that I will never die. I walk the same route every day; I have traveled the route exactly 100 times, but this afternoon was the first time that I ever met a neighbor. And then I met another neighbor after that.
The first neighbor
The first neighbor waved to me, but I did not see the wave until it was too late: the man had already turned his head away.
Yesterday a street preacher approached and questioned me, so I responded. Then I asked my aggressor for permission to publish our exchange on my blog; and Ronald said that he would allow it, provided that I do not list his name.
PREACHER: Why did you leave the faith?
ME: It’s hard to talk about this kind of stuff, because terms like “faith” mean different things to different people. By the way, your question is as presumptuous as if I were to ask you: Why haven’t you left your
When I turned fourteen, I became employed by a fast food franchise. On one of the tables of the establishment, near the ketchup dispenser, there were stacks of paper crowns that anyone could lay hold of and wear. They had the franchise’s logo printed on the front. You could take one of the crowns and fasten it onto your head.
I fear that in the future, the reading of books is going to become a lost art – something that only a small group of specialists cares about,
I’m like a bird that has been flying for days over the ocean, with no land in sight. Its wings are exhausted and it desperately needs to rest. Every moment it must decide between overexerting its strength to remain aloft, or submitting to fatigue and drowning in the depths. In other words, I’m living a normal life.
But I’m shocked that there’s no “Super Doctor U.S.A.” residing in “Freedom Forever, America” . . . Well, at least we still have Jesus.
To earn even a sing
In this entry, you will hear me bark twice; then, after my second bark, I will chirp until my throat begins to bleed.
Let’s say that you go out for a ride on your bike. Let’s say that you accidentally ride through a patch of wet soil. Let’s say that you were wearing a brand new white shirt when you splashed through the soil. Now you have muddy sprinkles of all over your shirt. Here’s my advice: Do not change your shirt. Let the mud dry; then sle
For this entry, at first I had planned to complain about how out of favor I am with the public; but then, as I got to thinking about it, the idea seemed too average. Isn’t everyone complaining about something nowadays? . . . But maybe that’s good. In fact, it’s probably very good that we all keep complaining – for it means that we are instinctively upholding traditions even older than Atlantis.
So I opened up an old word processor file th
This blog is like a huge mechanical swine that loves to eat. I can feed it anything, even an aborted bible commentary. My mechanical swine affords me a guilt-free way to dispose of awful writings.
Here is the ‘M’ key:
What happened is that I read an online opinion piece about the second chapter of the Gospel of Matthew. As this piece was written by a Christian, it contained many errors that were easy to correct. So I wrote a reply that remedied the au
Yesterday my Automatic Post Maker generated such a large glob of scripture that I had to rive the mass to fit it into this diary. Now here is an illustration that I found in an ancient pamphlet:
Running around with sheepfish is practically all I did when I was a nun.
To my mind, the overuse of anything emphatic is impossible.
It’s not just an anagram but also a palindrome of . . . dang, now I forgot what I was going to say.
All I ask is that you share this diary entry on your network of choice and then use your own money to promote it so that when I become rich & famous I can stiff you. I’ve always wanted to stiff a gentle soul.
Above is a fit that I threw via MS Paint. You may assure Dr. Freud that I genuinely forgot to type the terminal letter in that program’s title when naming its file on my computer: “MS Pain Crapola.”
This marks the first ti