Customer Reviews

Build a Better Spouse Trap: A Street-Smart Dating Strategy for Men Who Have Lost a Love

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This unusual, very helpful book is by a no-nonsense guy who presents straightforward talk about the real issues of dating and relationship. I find that his combination of practicality and personal experience is savvy, down-to-earth, and useful. "Useful" is the operative word here. I think of the chapters on reinventing yourself after the loss of a mate, strategies for finding and nurturing a new relationship, identifying women who may be emotional time-bombs, and being realistic about STDs. These -- along with subjects like meeting on the Internet, knowing when you're really serious, confronting money issues, fighting, and even breaking up (if things come to that) -- make this a great overall book on relationships. But I think its most notable accomplishment may be this apparent impossibility: it offers, in effect, a basic, practical course for men on romance. How rare is that?

"Build a Better Spouse Trap" says it's for men who have lost a wife to death or divorce, but it also turns out to be one terrific guide to creating a successful relationship, full of practical understanding for both men and women, whatever their circumstances may be.

I applaud Ted Wentworth for writing a terrific relationships book targeting male readers. Most personal growth, love relationships, and self-help books are designed to appeal to women. This one is for men (and the women who love them). It is filled with practical tools for healing a broken heart, understanding the emotions that come with losing a lover through death, divorce or disease, and getting back out into the scary singles scene.
This is a great gift book. I purchased several books to give to my male friends who long to be in committed loving relationships. I know that with this book they will be able to construct a strategy and action plan that will really help them find their ideal mate.
This street-wise strategy is also great reading for women by the way. I learned a lot about recovering from loss, dealing with grief, and learning to trust again. So, I guess it's not just for men.
I give this book the highest possible rating and I sincerely hope it finds its way into the lives of millions of lonely men and women who are ready to build their next partnerships and marriages.

Here's a book that a truly sincere and mature man can appreciate. While there are so many books written for women about love, there are very few good ones directed toward men.

This one, however, is one of those gems.

What's great about this book is that it is very male, bottom-line friendly and therefore, speaks the language of its intended audience. As a relationship author myself, I found this book a great help (and confirmation) in understanding what are the most key issues about men, women, and love.

Some of the things that I thought were very useful include:

* "The Five Stages of Grief" and particularly the last stage called "acceptance." This is one that I overlooked in my life and is one of the most valuable to me personally.

* "Inventing the New You" which is about moving forward by learning and growing. The author selects some great books and tapes to help in the recovery phase. I found that most people underrate the value of audio programs, but it is the live audio program format that first got me interested in attending seminars and lectures which I feel have the greatest impact for creating lasting personal change.

* "The Psychological Land Mines" which includes a look at what could be early signs of potentially damaging relationships. I found this to be the most informative part of the book.

I could go on and on about the different features of the book, but the bottom line is that there is something for every man in this book. For me personally, I think that I respect the author for his personal journey and his willingness to share his brilliant interpretation of how to intelligently go about creating a new love relationship the second time around.

Here's a man who has felt the ultimate pain of a love one's death and has turned his life around to enjoy and contribute to another relationship in what seems like a relatively short time.

When you read this book, you'll come to appreciate that it comes straight from the heart. There is nothing self-serving about Spouse Trap. For men wanting straight talk about finding love and intimacy, here's a great book for you.

Since the advent of the classic self-esteem and self-help books of the 60's and 70's, I haven't read any practical psychology books for decades, my interest being more in the neurobiological side of psychology. But this book's title caught my eye, and I ended up reading much of it the bookstore to get an idea of what it was about.

The purpose of the book is two-fold. The first is to help men who are recovering from the loss of a spouse or partner, whether through death or divorce, and to get them through the grief and the loss so that they can go on with the rest of their lives. This is important since one must have dealt effectively with these problems before finding a new relationship, otherwise the emotional hurt and baggage from the old one may be carried over to the new one, with unfortunate consequences for the new partner and relationship.

The second goal of the book is to give men useful, practical advice on how to navigate the difficult and often treacherous waters of the modern dating game, and ultimately on how to find a new partner. The book is full of useful tips, advice, and techniques covering the entire dating and relationship field that should be invaluable to the man in search of a partner--whether you are recovering from the loss of an old partner--or looking for a first one.

Another thing I liked was the section where the authors discuss several other books that also deal with relationship issues, especially from the woman's point of view, and that should be useful to the hopeful spouse-hunter. I also looked at one of these, entitled Getting to I Do, by Patricia Allen and Sandra Harmon. This book discusses many of the same topics as the present book, only it's written, as I mentioned, from the woman's point of view. If you want to understand better what women want and how they deal with various aspects of the relationship process, and especially the dating game, this is also a good book for getting you to see the woman's side of things.

I found both books full of practical and useful advice for both men and women looking for help with the difficult process of dating and ultimately finding that special person and/or relationship.

Every patient and male friend, to whom I have recommended this book, has found great straightforward advice that tells it like it is. Wentworth doesn't waste a reader's time with fluff and explanations, he gets right to the point of how to get over the loss of love and work a practical plan to bring real connection and relationship back into one's life.

He points out the pitfalls that many men fall into in new relationships. He talks directly about psychological "landmines" of character-disordered women (i.e. beautiful borderlines) and how to fight fair, break up respectfully and when and when not to use the Internet for dating. He uses humor and refers to a great many resources for further research, if readers want to know more about any topic.

The women I have recommended this book to have also truly enjoyed the practical and easy-to-understand suggestions. It seems both men and women are tired of groping blindly in the dark and just hoping that love will find them. Taking a proactive approach is far more appealing.

This is a great gift for any man you care about who is really interested in finding a healthy relationship!

Theodore packs a lot of gems in this small book. In a sense the basics of effective dating and courtship have remained the same for the last 100 years -- but with certain issues like divorce, STDs and other factors complicating things a bit. If you are recently single after not being in the dating field for a while, this book will be invaluable. The section on romance tips for guys needs improvement but I'd recommend The RoMANtic's Guide by Michael Webb which will teach you more than you need to know on romance.

As a psychologist who has counseled thousands of people who want to find new partners over more than 25 years of practice, I am delighted to have Theodore Wentworth's Build A Better Spouse Trap available to recommend to my clients - male and female alike.

It is an invaluable resource, which people will refer to again and again during the process of seeking a new mate, so that their quest is as rational, enjoyable, and fruitful as it can possibly be.

Terence C. Wade, Ph.D.
Honolulu, Hawaii USA

Having read "Spouse Trap" out of interest in how men think, I can say this is one excellent book for anyone, male or female, interested in REAL LOVE. No psychobabble here, rather real hands-on tips based on personal experience. The author's sincere and helpful stand that one has to do the work on one's self first is unique from most other books on finding love. Wonderful insights on grieving and getting on, good step by step procedures for personal evaluation on what one really wants in love. Highly recommended by this reader.

I've been divorced for 3 years now and trying to find a way to "get moving". I read the sample pages, (and the reviewers' comments)from this book and I got the impression that it would perfect for me. Like the others I've read, it had a few things that explained feelings I've had that I could not put into better words. The "dealing with the grief" part was good but not the "dating again" chapters. In the book, he makes several referneces to "Chapter 11, (I think thats the right number), that is the most important chapter in the book. I was looking forward to getting to it to see what the big deal was. All it dealt with was giving tips on getting a good counselor and how important it is to get someone with a solid background to help. If you're like me getting over a lost, you probably have or had a counselor to help you cope and get moving on with your life.
At the end, it discusses ideas when relationships get serious and also when they go bad. It also gave warning signs of unstable women and good reasons to get away from them. The last chapter has an example pre-nupital agreement.
Anyway, it had some decent stuff but weak on the dating aspects.

Straight talk about dating, mating and relating! This book is an excellent guide in learning how to bounce back from a painful loss and begin living again.