Customer Reviews

Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children

5 star:		(45)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This book was so interesting and readable, I read it from cover to cover in a day. I'm not a foster parent, I'm a teacher, but I have dealt with emotionally disturbed children in my classroom (in fact, I'm dealing with one this year). This book gave me so much insight into why these children act the way they do. Now I understand why they have such a need to be in control of everything, why they will do destructive things with seemingly no motive whatsoever (breaking their favorite toys, destroying their favorite books, etc.) Now I understand why things always get worse just as they seemed to be getting better. Most importantly, now I understand why these kids can't handle praise and rewards, and why those stupid behavior modification programs the administrators and counselors always suggest always seem to make the problem worse. Thank you Daniel A. Hughes!

Although I was immensely moved by this book, and found the ideas presented thoughtful and compelling, there is a bit of Cinderella-esque fantasy involved. Most certainly Dr. Hughes illustrates the picture and the drama of the unattached child in a clear and concise manner, I would caution parents and would be parents, however, that within the confines of the foster care system, these therapeutic families and incredibly skilled therapists are not usually the norm.It would be my hope that one day every child be afforded the resources available to the fictional Katie Harrison. In the meantime, it does give foster and adoptive parents a roadmap to follow. And although there are cautionary statements throughout the book to indicate that these methods are not always successful, the hope is something to celebrate.Lastly, I hope people recognize that this child is not quite seven when she reaches her therapeutic foster placement and that with each passing year, the task in teaching children how to attach becomes greater. I highly recommend this book as a supplement to a more extensive library on attachment issues.

This is a must have book for anyone dealing with attachment disorder. I have read it over and over and learned something substantial each time. After about 6 months of failed attempts to find a therapist trained to work with my four year old daughter and I, I finally bought this book and dove in. I have been doing therapy with my daughter for about two months as described in the book and now we have a budding new relationship. A reciprocal one. She is beginning to love and trust. This is the missing peice of the puzzle. It makes sense.

When I read this book, it was difficult at first; since it was too much like real life. Daniel Hughes does a wonderful job of providing real life examples and behaviors of an Attachment Disordered child. As I read the book, from a mother's perspective, I found myself riveted to the pages, looking for answers to the same questions that "Katie's" Mom/Foster Moms were looking for....how to break down the barriers to love!! The scariest part was that "Katie" could very well be my child....I wondered how Daniel Hughes had managed to know so much about my life.....right down to my thoughts, words and feelings. He has done a remarkable job of giving the reader insight to the Primary Caregiver's (mother's) relationship or lack of, with this deeply hurt child. As well as, the challenges faced within the family structure (Mom is generally seen as the ogre)...splitting and manipulating are key tools used by these children. Yet, on the other hand he has balanced that with the eyes and knowledge of the therapists (some good and some not so good)....but then this is the reality of living with and parenting a child with Attachment Disorder.

Thank you Daniel Hughes for making my life seem real and for making me realize that I am not crazy and my child is not the perfect angel 'outsiders' perceive her as!!!

Having been raising children with attatchment issues for more than 17 years, I was totally thrilled to find this book. It gave true insight to what one deals with when they choose to raise a child with attachment disorder an describes the child's perspective as well. I have bought 2 copies for myself, so I can loan one out (which I have several times) and I have helped others to order the book so they could learn and help heal these children as well. THANK YOU Dr. Hughes for your good work and commitment to these children with such hurting souls.

My husband and I adopted a 7 year old girl two years ago. Like so many well-meaning but naive new parents, we had only a vague idea of what life with a traumatized child would be like. We assumed that love, stability, structure and consistency would heal her. We were wrong. For over a year, we struggled with such ugly, mean, rejecting behaviors that I became significantly depressed... until I read Dan Hughes' book. That was the beginning of a new stage in our lives, as no one and nothing has helped us like it has. Our therapists hold Mr. Hughes in the highest regard - he is enormously respected and admired because his compassionate, beautiful ideas WORK. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

Dan Hughes wrote this book with me in mind. I read this book while fostering a 9 yr old girl who had attachment disorder that, without proper treatment, would have destroyed her ability to function in a normal life. There were ideas and strategies in this book that worked (no matter how strange they sound). Dan Hughes knows what he is talking about. As a professional foster parent, I appreciate the straightforward language used in this book. I would recommend this to any person dealing with an attachment disorder child. It brings a much needed awarness to this overwhelming issue in surrogate parenting.

Yes, this book reads like a suspense novel - and - it IS chocked full of facts and information about Reactive Attachment Disorder. The "but" is this: Katie's foster mom is portrayed as someone closer to sainthood than Mother Teresa. I had the privilege of speaking with Dan Hughes about this and he admitted that perhaps he did make her a bit too saintly. My problem with it is that it makes real mothers feel worse than they already do about dealing with our children with RAD. Most real human mothers could not maintain the level of calmness, acceptance, and day-to-day living with a child like Katie without breaking at some point. At least I couldn't nor could any of the adoptive mothers I've asked. Read and enjoy the book but remember that the foster mom isn't real, you are.

Wow! A GREAT book that is an easy, engaging read yet is informative and realistic about how totally messed up kids can be when they get into the foster care system. I know several Katies and, believe me, there is no exaggeration in the behaviors Hughes describes. I've recommended Building the Bonds of Attachment to many people around my office and have handed it to foster parents when i talk to them about working with some of our attachment disordered kiddos. It has opened many eyes to what these kids go through and why they act in the bizarre ways they sometimes do. The skills of the foster parents and therapist described here are unfortunately not the norm--but there are lots of us out here who are learning all that we can and doing all that we can to provide appropriate treatment to these tortured souls. This book was educational, an encouragement, and a source of inspiration to me.

This book was so helpful to me as an adoptive parent that I have recommended it to several families with whom I have come into contact at the adoption agency where I work. We keep a copy in the agency library to lend to those people thinking of adopting special needs children. It spells out some of the trials foster and adoptive parents may find themselves up against with some concrete ideas to use to remedy negative situations.