3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Good for divorcing parents and attorneys and mediators assisting them, December 8, 2010
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As a mediator, I've spent a lot of time helping divorcing parents work out a fair and realistic paranting plan or custody agreement that works for them and their children. The plan needs to protect the best interests of the children, and it is the parents who know the children best. Absent any abuse, it really is the parents, not the court or other experts, who need to work together to create a parenting plan that will work for everyone involved. That is where this book comes in. "Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: Child Custody Agreements Step by Step" by Mimi Lyster Zemmelman contains practical solutions and sample language to assist divorcing parents overcome obstacles and build win-win custody agreements that allow everyone, parents and children, to live in their new arrangement.
Obviously, I believe a mediator is greatly beneficial when disputing parties are trying to reach agreement, but for many, using a text such as Zemmelman's "Building a Parenting Agreement That Works" will assist them with successfully navigating these difficult waters in a stressful time. The book does a very good job of covering all the important ingredients of a successful parenting agreement. And I should point out that a successful parenting agreement is one that works for the people involved. You don't want to use a cookie cutter plan for everyone, but rather design the plan that works for the people and situations involved.
After a short introduction that explains the book, part one focuses on getting started and covers topics such as taking stock of your situation, an introduction to parenting agreements, getting organized, and advice on how to negotiate a parenting agreement.
Part two of the book focuses on the actual Parenting Agreement. It has chapters on building your agreement, basic elements, more parenting issues, serious situations, and special challenges. Not everyone will need all of the components here, but it is great to have so much included for those that do. Again, you need to use the portions of the book that fit your own situation.
Part three of the book has chapters that go beyond the parenting agreement. Chapter topics include: child support, alimony, jointly owned property, making mediation and arbitration work for you, making changes, understanding your children's needs, multiracial, multicultural, and international families, nontraditional families, state and federal laws affecting child custody, and help beyond the book. The appendix contains some worksheets and a fill in the blank Parenting Agreement.
Because laws change all the time, it is prudent to check with an attorney or your local courts to ensure any laws the book shares are accurate for your jurisdiction. It is also advisable to seek guidance from an attorney if you have any questions regarding your divorce. I also liked the chapter on mediation, because if you are having difficulty in building a parenting agreement, the assistance of a mediator can be extremely beneficial. This is especially true for parties that are having difficulties communicating with each other.
For divorcing parents, this book has a lot of very good information. Nolo books do a very good job of making legal issues accessible to everyone. However, as an attorney and mediator, I also found this book very valuable for my practice. The information provided in this book will help me help others. I recommend it highly to any divorcing parents and to all mediators and attorneys who assist divorcing parents.
Reviewed by Alain Burrese, J.D., is a mediator and the author of a regular column on negotiation for The Montana Lawyer.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Good Starting Point, but Not Standalone Material, August 27, 2011
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As a self-help book on settling separate parenting issues, this book is oddly structured. There is a lot of repetition of material, particularly in the early chapters. In some regards the book benefits from being read end-to-end, but it actively encourages jumping around and not necessarily reading everything. There are fairly useful worksheets to help guide discussions about potentially tense decision points, though a few of the topics are decidedly odd (teen marriage?). There is no mention of how to approach a co-parent who may not even be willing to fill out worksheets, and while there are a few suggestions of alternate plans that parents might consider as compromise, I honestly felt that there could have been more creativity exhibited and encouraged in the suggestions. There are a lot of mentions that folks facing situations involving domestic violence or substance abuse issues should consult professional help, but aside from mentioning it repeatedly, there's not a lot of advice on the topic. A whole separate book could be dedicated to just that aspect of things, but it gets fairly glossed over here. Most of the examples and discussion center around parents who both want to be involved, who live in relatively close proximity, and who have older children, so the book does not particularly address a lot of ideas on how to work with situations involving very young children or parents who are far removed from one another. Aside from those limitations, however, it could be a very good workbook for many people trying to build a cooperative plan for raising their child(ren). The chapter on mediation, in particular, was useful for explaining how one might go about obtaining mediation and what to expect; the author is also a mediator, so that makes sense. I would definitely recommend it as one book in a collection of resources when trying to build a parenting agreement, but it should be supplemented with other sources that may apply to specific aspects of any particular family's issues.
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