Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: How to Put Your Kids First When Your Marriage Doesn't Last [Paperback]

Mimi Lyster Zemmelman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 8, 2007

Avoid custody battles -- save time, money and grief. Working out a fair and realistic child-custody agreement is one of the most difficult tasks for parents going through a divorce or separation. Building a Parenting Agreement That Works is the only book to show separating or divorcing parents how to overcome obstacles and create win-win custody agreements. A professional mediator, author Mimi Lyster sets out 40 issues separating parents typically face, and presents all the options to resolving them. The book walks you through all the factors you must consider, including: medical care, education, religious training, living arrangements, holidays, money issues and dealing with changes in an existing agreement. The updated 6th edition includes checklists and worksheets to help you complete the included fill-in-the-blank custody agreement, and provides the current custody laws of your state. It also covers how to track your child's well-being during a separation or divorce. (20090101)

Editorial Reviews

Review

Aims to show separating or divorcing parents how to overcome obstacles and build their own custody agreements. (Washington Times 20090101)

Takes you through the nitty-gritty of arranging custody... (American Baby 20090101)

Ms. Lyster... has isolated 40 common issues and battlefield-tested suggestions for resolving them. (Dallas Morning News 20090101)

Excellent, empowering and complete with forms. (Library Journal 20090101)

The author draws on her experience as a professional mediator to give real-life solutions to some of the most common custody issues. (New Orleans Times-Picayune 20090101)

Clear, practical advice on identifying everyone's concerns, and strategies for effective negotiations. (New York Daily News )

A step-by-step guide meant to help even the most hostile couples work out terms for raising their children after the family splits. (Newsday )

About the Author

Mimi E. Lyster has been active in dispute resolution and other facilitated decision-making processes for 25 years. She brings experiences as a mediator, trainer, facilitator, strategic planner, and court policy analyst to her work with families, businesses, nonprofits, and government organizations. Lyster has co-founded a community mediation program, served on the California Dispute Resolution Council, the State Bar's Committee and was appointed to the 2020 California Court futures Commission. She maintains a limited private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: NOLO; 6th edition (November 8, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1413307221
• ISBN-13: 978-1413307221
• Product Dimensions: 10.8 x 8.2 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.7 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #984,049 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Good for divorcing parents and attorneys and mediators assisting them, December 8, 2010

By 

Alain B. Burrese "Author, Speaker, Mediator, ... (Missoula, MT) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: Child Custody Agreements Step by Step (Paperback)

(What's this?)

As a mediator, I've spent a lot of time helping divorcing parents work out a fair and realistic paranting plan or custody agreement that works for them and their children. The plan needs to protect the best interests of the children, and it is the parents who know the children best. Absent any abuse, it really is the parents, not the court or other experts, who need to work together to create a parenting plan that will work for everyone involved. That is where this book comes in. "Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: Child Custody Agreements Step by Step" by Mimi Lyster Zemmelman contains practical solutions and sample language to assist divorcing parents overcome obstacles and build win-win custody agreements that allow everyone, parents and children, to live in their new arrangement.

Obviously, I believe a mediator is greatly beneficial when disputing parties are trying to reach agreement, but for many, using a text such as Zemmelman's "Building a Parenting Agreement That Works" will assist them with successfully navigating these difficult waters in a stressful time. The book does a very good job of covering all the important ingredients of a successful parenting agreement. And I should point out that a successful parenting agreement is one that works for the people involved. You don't want to use a cookie cutter plan for everyone, but rather design the plan that works for the people and situations involved.

After a short introduction that explains the book, part one focuses on getting started and covers topics such as taking stock of your situation, an introduction to parenting agreements, getting organized, and advice on how to negotiate a parenting agreement.

Part two of the book focuses on the actual Parenting Agreement. It has chapters on building your agreement, basic elements, more parenting issues, serious situations, and special challenges. Not everyone will need all of the components here, but it is great to have so much included for those that do. Again, you need to use the portions of the book that fit your own situation.

Part three of the book has chapters that go beyond the parenting agreement. Chapter topics include: child support, alimony, jointly owned property, making mediation and arbitration work for you, making changes, understanding your children's needs, multiracial, multicultural, and international families, nontraditional families, state and federal laws affecting child custody, and help beyond the book. The appendix contains some worksheets and a fill in the blank Parenting Agreement.

Because laws change all the time, it is prudent to check with an attorney or your local courts to ensure any laws the book shares are accurate for your jurisdiction. It is also advisable to seek guidance from an attorney if you have any questions regarding your divorce. I also liked the chapter on mediation, because if you are having difficulty in building a parenting agreement, the assistance of a mediator can be extremely beneficial. This is especially true for parties that are having difficulties communicating with each other.

For divorcing parents, this book has a lot of very good information. Nolo books do a very good job of making legal issues accessible to everyone. However, as an attorney and mediator, I also found this book very valuable for my practice. The information provided in this book will help me help others. I recommend it highly to any divorcing parents and to all mediators and attorneys who assist divorcing parents.

Reviewed by Alain Burrese, J.D., is a mediator and the author of a regular column on negotiation for The Montana Lawyer.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars saved a lot on legal fees, June 25, 2010

By 

J. Myers "spedprofessor" (East Coast, United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: How to Put Your Kids First When Your Marriage Doesn't Last (Paperback)

I used a website that provided examples of things to think about in a custody dispute for men and women and downloaded a book from their site and in addition used this book to help build a parenting agreement that was quickly accepted by my former spouse and I during a contested divorce. My attorney and counselor were both impressed by the details included in the plan. My attorney indicated I had helped save hundreds of dollars just in writing the draft and saved thousands by being able to present it to both sides during a settlement conference. The details included in our plan will help us to avoid going back to court because we have everything spelled out. The author provides lists for ideas and suggestions which we found very helpful. Both sides were happy with the outcomes.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Good Starting Point, but Not Standalone Material, August 27, 2011

By 

Amy Button "lil-m-moses" (Houston, TX United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: Child Custody Agreements Step by Step (Paperback)

(What's this?)

As a self-help book on settling separate parenting issues, this book is oddly structured. There is a lot of repetition of material, particularly in the early chapters. In some regards the book benefits from being read end-to-end, but it actively encourages jumping around and not necessarily reading everything. There are fairly useful worksheets to help guide discussions about potentially tense decision points, though a few of the topics are decidedly odd (teen marriage?). There is no mention of how to approach a co-parent who may not even be willing to fill out worksheets, and while there are a few suggestions of alternate plans that parents might consider as compromise, I honestly felt that there could have been more creativity exhibited and encouraged in the suggestions. There are a lot of mentions that folks facing situations involving domestic violence or substance abuse issues should consult professional help, but aside from mentioning it repeatedly, there's not a lot of advice on the topic. A whole separate book could be dedicated to just that aspect of things, but it gets fairly glossed over here. Most of the examples and discussion center around parents who both want to be involved, who live in relatively close proximity, and who have older children, so the book does not particularly address a lot of ideas on how to work with situations involving very young children or parents who are far removed from one another. Aside from those limitations, however, it could be a very good workbook for many people trying to build a cooperative plan for raising their child(ren). The chapter on mediation, in particular, was useful for explaining how one might go about obtaining mediation and what to expect; the author is also a mediator, so that makes sense. I would definitely recommend it as one book in a collection of resources when trying to build a parenting agreement, but it should be supplemented with other sources that may apply to specific aspects of any particular family's issues.