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Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them [Hardcover]

Ronald M. Shapiro (Author), Mark A. Jankowski (Author), James Dale (Author)
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)


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Book Description

June 7, 2005
The impossible people who make life’s journey so difficult are everywhere—at the office, in restaurants, on airplanes, living next door, members of your own family. They’re . . .

• your “nothing is ever good enough” boss

• the “no price is ever low enough” client

• the next-door neighbor who redefines the meaning of paranoia

• the maître d’ who looks through you as if you don’t exist

• the father-in-law who you know is always thinking about how much better a life his Janey or Joey would have if only married to someone other than you

Ron Shapiro and Mark Jankowski give you a simple and highly effective 4-point plan for dealing with all of them and more—N.I.C.E. Their system shows you how to neutralize your emotions so you don’t just react but act purposefully and wisely. It enables you to identify the type of bully, tyrant, or impossible person you’re facing—the situationally difficult (something has happened that turns an otherwise reasonable person into a temporary terror); the strategically difficult (she has empirical evidence that being difficult is a strategy that gets results); or simply difficult (being difficult is his 24/7 M.O.). Then you’ll learn how to shape the outcome by controlling the encounter and, finally, how to get “unstuck” by exploring your options.

Using colorful stories from all walks of life— “He called me the scum of the earth and it went downhill from there,” “First, lock all your vendors in a small room,” and “The boss from hell”—the authors bring their lessons to life, from business life to family life.


Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Following up on The Power of Nice, agent-attorney Shapiro and fellow negotiator Jankowski reiterate that book's tenets: Neutralize your emotions and stay rational; Identify the type of difficult person; Control the encounter; and Explore options. Using examples from their own lives as well as pop culture, they offer anecdotes and tips for analysis. The "situationally difficult" person may be temporarily overreacting, so empathy can be a sure road to cordial defusion. The "strategically difficult" are calculating (passive-aggressive, take it or leave it, etc.), but can be countered if you pleasantly, even humorously make them aware you're onto their game. The "simply difficult," using power as an imperative (irrational, bullying, duplicitous, etc.) are the toughest, but those facing them must recognize their own power—including the option to just walk away, a decision that must be approached carefully. While the title may be the best thing about the book, its tips on steering toward win-win situations are more than plausible. (June)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

The authors offer their blueprint to "outnegotiate, outsmart, outmaneuver, outlast, outlogic, outthink and outwin life's bullies, tyrants, and impossible people--without becoming one yourself." Their approach to getting what you want (in business and personal relationships) with difficult people employs the acronym NICE--Neutralize your emotions, Identify type, Control the encounter, and Explore options. With suggested techniques and case studies, we learn to handle the Situationally Difficult, those who have had a bad day and take it out on you; the Strategically Difficult, those who believe being unreasonable is effective (and it often is); and the Simply Difficult, those with ingrained personality characteristics that negatively affect their behavior. Their final directive refutes the value of revenge and discusses the strategy of walking away. With thoughtful planning and analysis, Shapiro and coauthors present a set of positive steps to resolve intractable situations. This excellent book will appeal to a broad range of library patrons. Mary Whaley
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Crown Business; First Edition edition (June 7, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1400050111
  • ISBN-13: 978-1400050116
  • Product Dimensions: 7.7 x 5.7 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #183,019 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

14 Reviews
5 star:
 (9)
4 star:
 (3)
3 star:
 (1)
2 star:
 (1)
1 star:    (0)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
4.4 out of 5 stars (14 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book about dealing with difficult people, September 12, 2005
This review is from: Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them (Hardcover)
"Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People" is an excellent book about dealing with difficult people. We have all had to deal with person that flies into a rage, tries to use unscrupulous tactics to get their way, or is just plain difficult.

Shapiro and Jankowski present the material in an excellent fashion. Each topic they bring up is followed by an example situation that they have experienced and how the technique they used broke down the techniques of the difficult person. They also give instructions to identify what type of difficult person you are dealing with as well as a step by step formula to put you back in control of the situation.

The only negative thing I have to say about this book is that the techniques are easier said than done. The first and most important step for dealing with negative people is learning to control your emotions which is hard to do when you are being yelled at or taken advantage of.

I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to learn to deal difficult people. It's easy to read, easy to remember, and gives lots of examples. 5 out of 5 stars.
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15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People : How to Beat Them Without Joining Them, June 28, 2005
By 
M. Guillou (Connecticut, United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them (Hardcover)
This is the second book I read about bullies and this is the winner.
I cannot believe nobody has written a review yet.
Due to my education in a military academy, I belong to the "nice" club. Behaving and respecting everybody are values and not weaknesses.
During my career, I had to deal with bullies, although I rarely lost control, emotionally it was very difficult.
I read the book in no time, it is an eye-opener and the best of it, it comes with solutions.
What a relief I won't have to join the "Bad boys" club! The book explains how the angels will keep smiling.

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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Extremely Helpful and Interesting, July 14, 2005
By 
This review is from: Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them (Hardcover)
I found this book extremely helpful in figuring out how to deal with the boss and a couple of other people who have been difficult lately. The concepts are presented in a simple and easy-to understand way. Those who work in customer service or who deal with the public should read it, as should those who face a diffcult person or negotiation scenario. Share it with your friends who have difficult people to deal with!
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