Customer Reviews

Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

"Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People" is an excellent book about dealing with difficult people. We have all had to deal with person that flies into a rage, tries to use unscrupulous tactics to get their way, or is just plain difficult.

Shapiro and Jankowski present the material in an excellent fashion. Each topic they bring up is followed by an example situation that they have experienced and how the technique they used broke down the techniques of the difficult person. They also give instructions to identify what type of difficult person you are dealing with as well as a step by step formula to put you back in control of the situation.

The only negative thing I have to say about this book is that the techniques are easier said than done. The first and most important step for dealing with negative people is learning to control your emotions which is hard to do when you are being yelled at or taken advantage of.

I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to learn to deal difficult people. It's easy to read, easy to remember, and gives lots of examples. 5 out of 5 stars.

This is the second book I read about bullies and this is the winner.
I cannot believe nobody has written a review yet.
Due to my education in a military academy, I belong to the "nice" club. Behaving and respecting everybody are values and not weaknesses.
During my career, I had to deal with bullies, although I rarely lost control, emotionally it was very difficult.
I read the book in no time, it is an eye-opener and the best of it, it comes with solutions.
What a relief I won't have to join the "Bad boys" club! The book explains how the angels will keep smiling.

I found this book extremely helpful in figuring out how to deal with the boss and a couple of other people who have been difficult lately. The concepts are presented in a simple and easy-to understand way. Those who work in customer service or who deal with the public should read it, as should those who face a diffcult person or negotiation scenario. Share it with your friends who have difficult people to deal with!

Being in corporate America, raising a family, holding leadership positions within the community- this book arms you with the tools to take on any challenges within those environments. I suggest it to anyone who finds themselves in a "hot" situation. It's a must read again and again!

I purchased this book because I was having problems in my department. My supervisor, a head counselor and a co worker were giving me a hard time (i.e. hacking my computer, harrassing me, etc.) Thanks to this book, I know how to handle them without stressing out. Many of my friends suggested that I pack up and leave without a fight. I thought that was crazy as I have been on the job for 14 years and the main person who caused all the grief have only been with the company for 3 years. I never had a problem standing my ground as I fight back with the above bullies. This book however, teaches you how to mentally fight back and outlast the bullies.

First the book focuses on identifying the bullies. Then it gives you a plan of action for each "type" of bully once you have identified them. It's premise is working to outsmart the bully versus fighting back which I did and it always ended up back to square one. The book also gives you scenarios and different real life cases (both successful and failures) so that you can know how to incorporate the lessons in your life and learn from the author's failures.

You must realize that you cannot keep running from corporate bullies. My sister does and she has had 15 jobs within the past 6 years. Not only did the bullies win, but her job resume reads like a book and makes her appear to be the trouble maker. Once I finish I am going to loan this book to her. I always tell my friends, just because you run from one bully another bully always surfaces, it may not be at work (and sometimes it will like my sister's corporate bullies) it may be in some other area. People...you cannot keep running from these types all of your life. At one point in time you are going to have to stand and face the music. I'm glad that I did...I ended up getting the raise that I fought for 13 years (my co worker is a brown noser and got one immediately, hence I fought back and the bullying started). Plus, now I have piece of mind knowing that I can handle any BULLY that comes my way. This book is a keeper..keep it in your library to refer back to....now, I have another bully to concur...my car dealership...a long story...but I feel confident I can handle the situation.

Basically the message of the book is "Be nice. You may have to deal with the bully or impossible person again someday".

I didn't feel the book was particularly informative, and did not have enough clarifying examples. And, most of the examples given were concerning sports.

I even went through the book a second time to see if I could get more out of it, but just found the book lacking. A much better book - in fact an excellent book - is "How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks, by Ben H. Leichtling".

BULLIES, TYRANTS & IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE by Ronald M. Shapiro and Mark A.
Jankowski is a book whose title caught my attention . . . when
I then saw the subtitle--HOW TO BEAT THEM WITHOUT JOINING
THEM--I was hooked with the awareness that this something
that I had to read, because I often find myself having to deal
with folks that might well be considered "difficult" only because
I'm trying to be generous here.

The authors, founders of the Shapiro Negotiations Institute,
bring in many examples that can be applied to life, home
and work situations . . . what's best is that these are
real, coming from such diverse fields as sports, politics,
dining out, and personal relationships, to name just a few.

As I was reading, I kept thinking how Shaprio and
Jankowski made difficult situations seem as if they
could all be handled, such as this one example
involving Phil Jackson when he was coaching the
Chicago Bulls:

He recounted in INC. magazine how his players learned that the best
way to overcome someone who is attacking you, emotionally or
otherwise, is to replace the impulse to strike back with the impulse
to become more focused on the game. Jackson recounted that
when the Bulls played the Detroit Pistons in the late 1980s,
Detroit would win because the Pistons were able to incite the Bulls
into fighting back. It was not until the Bulls learned to control
their "strike-back" impulse that they were able to overcome the
Pistons. As Jackson recalled, "Everybody on our team was
slammed around. . . . Players were tackled, tripped, elbowed,
and smacked in the face. But they all laughed it off. The Pistons
didn't know how to respond. We completely disarmed them by not
striking back. At that moment, our players became true champions."

I gained another valuable tidbit of information when I read about how
Shapiro and Jankowski talked about "writing their press release" . . . they
said:

It can be challenging for most of us to come up with solutions
that allow the other side to save face. Because it's hard to step
outside of ourselves and think like the other side. (Hey, they are
the other side. How could they be right?) One technique we
have used to bridge the gap to their foreign territory is the
exercise of "writing the other side's press release." In other words,
as you come up with options they may find attractive, give
yourself the hypothetical assignment of crafting a statement to
the press that explains why the resolution is a "win" for the other
person, as if you are the other person. Forcing yourself to go
through this exercise will ensure that you frame proposals or
options from a point of view that demonstrates benefit to the
other side. It is rare that you will ever be in a situation in which
you are writing a real (not just hypothetical) press release. But
once it did happen to Ron. He did actually write the press release
to announce the other side's "victory" (which, in reality, he had
shaped and defined on behalf of his client). It's a story that
graphically demonstrates why options work and how to employ
them to get out of a maze filled with apparent impasses.

Lastly, I liked the fact that humor was also used throughout
the book, such as in this retelling of a famous anecdote about
executives who worked for the infamous banking baron J. P. Morgan:

Morgan was tyrannical. He demanded endless, thankless work from
his cadre of distinguished, educated, highly skilled business
managers. He was notorious for never complimenting, but always
disparaging their efforts, privately and publicly. But he paid
them huge sums of money. When asked why these men
continued to work for the abusive Morgan, one replied,
"He's got us by our limousines."

I don't know if I'll go quite that far in working with others. . . however,
as a result of reading BULLIES, TYRANTS & IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE,
I will now go out of my way to recommend it to others--particularly
if they deal with such folks on any sort of regular basis.

Great book! It has helped me in dealing with stakeholders at my job as well as dealing with people in my personal life. The NICE philosophy is so simple to implement into your thought process when dealing with difficult people and difficult situations. I never knew what a waste of time getting emotional over issues was until now.

This book which is filled with intersting real life stories which serve as examples of different situations. Part one is the N.I.C.E system, part 2 talks about neutralizing emotion and not being reactive. Part 3 tells us to identify who we are dealing with. What type of bully is this.

Part 4 and 5 I feel are the bread and butter of the book and that really the rest of the book could have taken 40 pages. part 4 talks about how we can shape our encounter with the other party. And part 5 discusses how to get out of the position where one side asks for this and the other for that and neither wants to give in. A very important chapter to this book.

The is a "must read" for dealing with insecure control freaks, tough bosses, and impossible managers. It is also used as a handbook for those people.