The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence (Paperback)

by Barbara Coloroso (Author) "The bully, the bullied, and the bystander are three characters in a tragic play performed daily in our homes, schools, playgrounds, and streets..." (more)
Key Phrases: reconciliatory justice, jellyfish family, bullying circle, United States, Dawn Marie, Dan Olweus (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
This is an extremely helpful book that both parents and teachers can use to deal with bullying, an aspect of school that the author feels "is a life-and-death issue that we ignore at our children's peril." Staring with a bottom-line assumption that "bullying is a learned behavior," Coloroso (Parenting Through Crisis) wonderfully explains not only the ways that the bully, the bullied and the bystander are "three characters in a tragic play" but also how "the scripts can be rewritten, new roles created, the plot changed." For each of the three "characters," she breaks down the behavior that defines each role, analyzes the specific ways that each character can have their behaviors changed for the better, and suggests a range of methods that parents and educators can use to identify bullying behavior and deal with it effectively. The book also provides excellent insights into behaviors related to but not always recognized as bullying, such as cliques, hazing, taunting and sexual bullying. And while there have been numerous books about bullies, this volume is perhaps best for its sections on the "bystander," the person whose behavior is too often overlooked or excused. Coloroso's emphasis on aikido-related defensive skills do not sufficiently address the issue of what a child is to do when physical force is necessary to stop a bully, but overall this is an important look at the ways that bullied children can affirm their dignity and self-worth.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review
"If you are a parent or teacher, you should read this book. -- Education Today

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Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Collins Living (February 3, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 006001430X
• ISBN-13: 978-0060014308
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #131,058 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars By far the best book on bullying today, August 7, 2005

By	Christine Louise Hohlbaum "award-winning auth... (near Munich, Germany) - See all my reviews

Barabara Coloroso thoroughly investigates all aspects of the bullying process in this book. Making bystanders just as accountable as the bully themselves, Ms. Coloroso sharply criticizes how today's society seems to focus only on the bully's ACT instead of the underlying feelings which cause such behavior.

She encourages parents and "responsible adults" to get involved in the hallways, playgrounds, and streets of our children's world. Not at all defeatist, Ms. Coloroso's attitude is one of seeking to break the cycle of violence through love, communication, and consequence.

All teachers, school administrators and parents of children all ages should grab a copy, pencil in hand to underline the nuggets of wisdom Ms. Coloroso offers us. She hands us the solution to a prevalent problem for kids. It is our job to relax our fists long enough to receive what she has to say and to implement it through the doable exercises she puts forth. Buy a copy. You'll be glad you did.

Reviewed by Christine Louise Hohlbaum, parenting humorist, author of DIARY OF A MOTHER: PARENTING STORIES AND OTHER STUFF, and SAHM I AM: TALES OF A STAY-AT-HOME MOM IN EUROPE. http://www.diaryofamother.com

32 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Bully, the bullied and the Bystander, March 22, 2006

By	Janhavi "Vishakha" (Sugarland, Texas, USA) - See all my reviews

It is a book that should be owned definitely by every parent, and also by everyone. It helps with understanding of how and why we came here, why we are who we are, and how to make it better for our kids and actually for every one around us. It describes how a family should treat our kids with respect and freedom. It is one book which I think is a must read. It gives insight into how we can change despite of bad experiences while we grew up. I would recommend it to be bought before buying a crib when you expect a baby! It is like a bible for a christan, Geeta for an Indian, Koran for a Muslim. It tells the three kinds of families, two dysfucntional and how they make long lasting deficiencies in kid's psyche. Then it explains how a backbone family gives freedom and respect to a child and makes him independent and loving. It takes a while to read as it has painful stories of kids who killed themselves because of bullying. This book should be talked about in parent teacher's organizations, at churches, temples , Sunday schools and so on. It is one book that will make a difference in our society. It describes the importance of difference between teasing and taunting and how taunting can lead to suicides, hurts not only the bullied but also instills fear in the bystanders. It weaves the relation of parental upbringing into making a kid a passive bystander as opposed to helper for the bullied. It tells signs to be seen in your child to detect if he is bullied, questions to be asked. It tells the life destroying long lasting effects on his own life if a bully is not stopped! It gives non humiliating strategies how to stop a bully and how to empower a bullied and the critical role of bystander and how to make him help the bullied. A fantastically written book. A life changing book!

15 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The BEST book on bullying, September 30, 2006

By	Jane Rusch "jjohnson59" (Wausau, WI) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This is a must have book for anyone that deals with kids. Our schools have a problem with bullying that the district is presently denying. I hope to start a support group soon - and this will be the one book I highly recommend reading.
I've already purchased multiple copies and have given them to staff at my child's school.