Customer Reviews

The Bully in Your Relationship: Stand Up to Emotional Abuse and Get the Love You Deserve

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The Bully in Your Relationship: Stop Emotional Abuse and Get the Love You Deserve by Anne-Renee Testa, Ph.D. is one of the most helpful books about emotional abuse available. This up-to-date guide is easy to read, if sometimes painful to digest, and comes across more like a counseling session than the usual impersonal textbooks on the topic.

Although the first half of The Bully details the types of bullies and the denial abused people employ to stay in damaging relationships, the second half makes it all worthwhile. Dr. Testa states, "This impressive body of knowledge you've gained gives you a solid foundation to stand on as you move forward. You know all about the bullying problem--backward, forward, upside down, and inside out. Now it's time for the solution: my A.R.T. Method."

The A.R.T. method: Acknowledge, Reassess, Take action is based on some of the principles underlying popular 12-step programs and includes workbook activities which will prove a boon to the person who has the suspicion that something may be terribly wrong with their relationship. Dr. Testa's A.R.T. method will help anyone in a bullying relationship take a fresh look at the bully in their lives, tame the bully that lies within them, and begin the slow, rewarding process of change that will ultimately give them the power to overcome their situation.

One important caveat: Dr. Testa does not acknowledge the real, physical danger some women (and men) face in violent relationships, and at one point states "Open up a space in your mind, and affirm the following...'I'm safe and secure...I'm not in any danger--the fear that I'm feeling right now is about the past, not the present.'" Most experts agree that while "doing it scared" is necessary to overcoming abuse, taking safety precautions can be vital: retaliation all too often results in physical attacks, lasting trauma, and sometimes, sadly, even death.

This book was offering what it promissed. If you feel you are in an emotionally abusive relationship - this book is for you. The first part explains why people become bullies or vicitms of bullies and the second part gives you a practical 3 Step "Exersise Program" to help you see weather it is worth you staying in this relationship or not. It confirmed my views and help me make the nessesary changes. The book also offers web-sites and other sources that offer help. If you feel you are emotionally abused by your partner - YOU NEED THIS BOOK!!! It is worth it's weight in gold.

I found this book to touch my very soul and bring to the realization of what I had gone through in my relationship with a "Bully". It made me see a side of me I didnt know existed and took away the fog of my past life with this bully. Its a must read for any woman who has gone through and been in a bully relationship. It makes you see things that were always there right in front of your eyes but you were too much in "love" to know it. I highly recommend this book.

I wanted to like this, but I ultimately found it offensive and a bit silly. On p. 190 she writes, "People use coping mechanisms to deal with the pain of being in bullying relationships instead of just leaving their emotionally abusive partners because they unconsciously believe they deserve to be treated badly and to feel bad." I think this is ridiculous. She also suggests assessing ways in which you might change yourself to better meet the needs of your (abusive) partner. I found this offensive. I really wanted to like Testa's philosophy, but it ultimately seemed to minimize the true severity of abusive relationships. I walked away from this book with the feeling that Testa thinks I believe I *should* be abused, and if I would only pick up around the house more to please my partner, my whole (abusive) marriage would turn around. ?! If you are in an abusive relationship, Lundy Bancroft's books are going to support you much more. Check out "Why Does He DO that?" and "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" These books are much more insightful and supportive to the person who is being abused. "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" by Beverly Engel is also good.

I am halfway through this book and I love it! It is very easy to understand if you are not used to studying the mind. It is right on target and very helpful and eyeopening if you are not sure you are dealing with an emotional and or physical bully. This book makes it clear who is and who is not, why they are, and what to do to protect yourself. I'm glad I bought it and will finish it soon. I plan on re-reading it again in the future in order to really etch it in my mind. Good read!

Excellant book! Tells it like it is and has great helpful ideas to deal with this issue.

I love this book and I was very surprised when I read the chapter about you being your own bully. I realized the information you tell yourself is either helpful or hurtful and if you are just hurting yourself out of habit then realize it and let it go. This book will help you do that.

Thank you for the quick delivery. My book was in excellent condition. It arrived quickly what a plus. Will order again. Thank you....