The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting was inspired by broken sippy cups, tantrums, afternoons that felt like days, and a small, chubby, but determined little person whose cracker-scented breath still wakes me up at all hours of the night.
Good news for those of you failing your small children: The Honest Toddler: A Child’s Guide to Parenting comes out in PAPERBACK on May 5, 2014.
Why is this good news? Paperbacks are generally easier to tear apart with your hands. Let’s say you just learned your letters and want to read this book over several days. Rip the book into manageable sections and just take what you need on the go.
Bonus material: Many of you have emailed me with questions about your toddlers’ normal
How to get kicked out of preschool 1 <– this is a link
This post is for both Adults and Toddlers. Whether you like Pretty Little Liars and Breaking Bad or you are just a pretty little liar who likes to badly break things, keep reading.
You may be asking yourself, “What is preschool?” These brightly-colored correctional facilities are the latest trend in parental abandonment. Despite charging millions and being a hotbed for gang activity, parents are rushing to be the first
Dear Mr. Spider (or can I call you Itsy?),
First, I’m a big fan of your work. Your music has seen me through a lot of difficult times: incisors, for one. When I was younger I’d ask for your song on repeat during car trips. I know all of the lyrics and even the lesser known corresponding hand movements. But that’s not why I’m reaching out.
I’m writing you today because I’m worried. I know lots of famous musicians live a fast-paced lifestyle but how many spouts is it going to ta
Below is the official statement from The Toddler Council in response to the announcement that the royal baby has been born. At this time I am not on the council due to a falling out with the President over whose turn it was to sit in the red chair but I hope to be reinstated soon.
From: The Toddler Council of Gloriousness
Date: none of us know the date
It has come to our attention that the mu
By now many of you have heard the allegations against me. These rumors are getting out of control and I feel like it’s time to address them publicly.
I want to state this very clearly for the press: I am not, nor have I ever been, tired.
Have I closed my eyes in my lifetime? Yes. Who hasn’t. But never…never was I sleepy.
There are photos circulating around Facebook that allegedly depict me in various states of unconsciousness. I can neither confirm nor deny that they a
This post is for Toddlers Only (TO). If you would ever waste strawberries in a salad and cite “summer” as an excuse, please find something else to do close by.
Mornings can be a confusing time for small children. While it’s normal to wake up between 4-5:15 looking for companionship, the adults in your life may seem resistant. To the *naked eye, it may even appear as if they have mixed feelings about seeing you. Sadly, before 8AM it’s common for tired parents to look at their beautiful
This post is for Adults-Only. If balsamic vinegar has a special place in your heart, keep reading (fool).
I want to discuss something serious right now so put your phone screen-side down on the table. In parks, libraries, and play centers across the nation toddlers are being peer pressured to partake in an activity so dangerous, so disturbing that it makes thousands of us cry out the nose daily. I’m talking about sharing.
You’re thinking: “Stop right there. Sharing is necessar
You know those dreams you have where you show up for an exam unprepared and notice that you’re the only one naked? That’s not a dream. It’s a flashback.
I feel bad about my Apgar score. Hopefully it’s not all colleges care about. I plan on having lots of extracurriculars just to be safe.
For the record, nobody told me there was even going to be a test. I would’ve studied. Spent the last few weeks in the womb cramming…practicing responsiveness drills, I don’t know. Maybe they c
Mother’s Day is coming up and around the world female parents are asking themselves, “Do I deserve anything?” Even if your mom has only been “hug good” and not “present good” you still need to spend money.
If you haven’t purchased a gift yet, you are playing with your life. Your mom may have said something like, “Don’t worry about me, you are my gift” but mothers say a lot of things. “Just one more bite” springs to mind. If on Sunday morning you have nothing for her to unwrap, things
Unless you have your heart set on raising a street performer, reading to your toddler is important. Even if your child can draw a sizable crowd via the power of pop & lock, you have to be able to read to find a Coinstar. Paying utility bills in small change is frowned upon. Below are reviews for toddler-appropriate books.
Green Eggs and Ham
In these hard economic times many adults have to make difficult choices such as buying fewer 100-calorie packs. Dr. Seuss prepares tod