Customer Reviews

But This Is My Mother!: The Plight of Our Elders in American Nursing Homes

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Cynthia Loucks has hit the nail on the head in describing what it's like in nursing homes across the country. I've been visiting residents in nursing homes for 17 years and the stories and situations haven't changed much during that time. You see the exhausted and short tempered employees who don't take the time to really listen, or even bother to get to know the needs and wants of residents. I constantly hear from residents about belongings being "misplaced." Nothing broke my heart more than a resident telling me that one day she had $15 in her purse and the next day is was gone or, worse yet, when a resident told me that "someone" had come in while she was sleeping and stole an unopened package of Depends which her family has to supply for her at serious bucks per package. I nodded in agreement when I read every chapter and felt validated when I read Ms. Loucks' description of "running the gauntlet" when she entered the facility to visit her mother. That is a description that I'd been using for years to describe how it felt to have to walk passed wall to wall "parked and abandoned" residents who call out for help, grab my hand, or think that I'm an employee. I've learned over the years that most of these people just need a little time and attention. Sometimes a hug, a hand on the shoulder or just eye to eye contact with a smile will do wonders for them. Ten seconds of my time just may have made someone's day. The book is fabulous even if the subject matter is alarming, frustrating, and depressing. With more and more people living longer lives, "Boomers" are going to have to wake up and realize that we are going to have to do our part to make the issue of end of life care a top priority or else end up in the same deplorable conditions as our parents and grandparents. I cannot begin to fathom the kinds of decisions the Gen Xers will be making to decide what happens to me when I'm old. One's twilight years shouldn't be spent in hell on earth, but that's exactly the way it is for far too many of our "greatest generation." As far as I'm concerned, this is the most shameful tragedy in the United States.

If you have ever had a relative or loved one in a nursing home, this book will truly speak to your heart. Even though we are fortunate to have some good nursing homes in this country, the sad truth is that the majority of nursing homes fail on many different levels. Ms. Loucks tells it like it is. The nursing home where her mother lived is like many other in this country. The staff was overworked, probably underpaid, and had little interest in delivering good care or getting to know the residents. Many of the scenes are heart wrenching. I relate to this book personally because my family has had an experience with a "bad" nursing home, but even if we didn't, I still would have found this book valuable. At one point in the book I literally had tears in my eyes because Ms. Louck's words and descriptions were so descriptive and true. She never gave up the fight to get the nursing home to do better, which is another thing I admire. It's all too common that family members complain about bad nursing home care, but take no action to make things better. I recommend this book to anyone with an elderly relative or loved one. The author also includes a section with tips on how to select a "good" nursing home. It includes many different helpful suggestions and thoughts. This is one of the best books on the subject of nursing homes that I have ever read.

This author cites the failings of others when she failed her mother first and foremost. Her mother's plight read more like an inconvenience to the author than anything else. A cautionary tale, I suppose.