Can 50-something, quasi-yuppie Billie Bold find true happiness with an semi-straight Iowa farmwife Pasty Plain? You bet, when you're reading an out-and-out parody named The Butches of Madison County. Join Patsy and Billie for 4 unforgettable days of love, romance, and an absent husband. Winner of the 1995 Lambda Literary Award for Best Lesbian and Gay Humor.
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About the Author
Ellen Orleans is the Lammy-winning author of four books of gay and lesbian humor, including The Butches of Madison County, Who Cares If It's a Choice? and Still Can't Keep a Straight Face. Raised in New Jersey, now living in Colorado, Ellen's work has been widely-published in publications as diverse as The Washington Post and Girl Jock Magazine to Women's Glib (Crossing Press) and Wilma Loves Betty (Alyson Press)
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
With a decisive turn of the key, Billie Bold locked the door to her tastefully remodeled turn-of-the-century farmhouse for the last time. Gripping a purple and green duffel bag, she made her way down the flagstone path to the dirt driveway where her forest green Ford Explorer was parked.
A thermos of instant cappuccino and a cooler filled with feta cheese and sun-dried tomato sandwiches were already loaded onto the passenger seat. In the back was a 1974 acoustic guitar, a 1995 PowerBook, a tent, a velvet string bag containing the Mother Peace tarot deck and a small collection of sex toys. There was also, of course, her emergency bad weather kit which included tire chains, a snow shovel, a wool blanket and a box of soggy Saltines. Sure it was the middle of summer and 93, but you really couldnt be too careful.
Billie got behind the wheel and shut the door. In another lifetime, she would have lit a Lucky Strike but she hadnt lit a cigarette, hadnt inhaled its pungency, encircled herself in the wafting smoke, eyed the puff of smoke from the match as it surrendered to the breath from her lipsanyway, she hadnt smoked in years.
Before backing out the driveway, she mentally inventoried her supply of clothes: one pair of sweat pants, two pairs of jeans, and a pair of multicolored Guatemalan pants that made her feel globally aware. In additional to three new Oxford shirts, shed packed seven T-shirts, each commemorating a different socially-responsible eventalthough at present she wore a faded black T-shirt which commemorated nothing.
On her head, she wore her third lovers army cap; on her waist, her fourth lovers leather belt; on her butt, well-worn blue jeans which had belonged to her fifth lovers son. She glanced again at the back of the Explorer. That was ither whole life. Except, of course, for what was in the four oversized storage units on the east side of town. Here, though, was the essence, the essentials.
"My rice bowl and sleeping pad," she thought, remembering stories from her week-long retreat at the Duluth Zen Center.
Billie Bold took a final look at the empty house. Shed lived here in Northampton for fifteen years. Here shed had four lovers, eight roommates, three children (none hers), seven dogs, twelve cats and one iguana. Although not all at the same time. Although, it often felt that way.
Billie looked at her Casio Pathfinder Triple Sensor watch, which also served as a digital compass, thermometer and altimeter. It was 8:03 am. It was August 5, 1995. She was fifty years old and it was time to leave.
At the end of the driveway, she clicked her left blinker. There wasnt a car in sight, but she didnt want to get into bad habits. "Visualize Using Your Turn Signal" was her favorite bumper sticker.
Billie pushed "PLAY" on the CD player. Strains of Yanni filled the Explorer. Normally, she would have chosen something upbeat, but today she was in an introspective mood. This was not just another car trip; this was a journey. A journey, although she didnt know it at the time, that would change her life.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Loved it!,
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This review is from: The Butches of Madison County (Paperback)
This parody of The Bridges of Madison County is way better than the original, which was really, really bad. This book is intentionally funny!
50-something Billie, veteran of some 15 lovers, and who has vowed to be celibate for 3 years, stops at an Iowa farm house to ask directions to Bull Dyke Ranch, and meets Patsy, straight farm wife, whose husband is off at the organic carrot growers convention. When she tells Patsy that she is a writer, Patsy exclaims, "That explains the mystical, god-like qualities I've been sensing!" Thrill to Patsy's first phone call as a lesbian, her first bath as a lesbian, her first clothing choices as a lesbian! Listen in as Billie's inner child throws a tantrum, and Patsy's "dormant homosexual genes" activate her "collective lesbian consciousness", causing her to talk like a sociologist. Will Patsy flee Iowa farm country for the wilds of Michigan and Provincetown? Or will she return to thinking of carrots only as a vegetable? You'll have to read this to find out.
1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wonderful Little Book,
By
This review is from: The Butches of Madison County (Paperback)
Absolutely loved this book. The only thing wrong with it is that it came to an end. Would love to see these characters expounded on in other books!
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