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Buying Dad: One Woman's Search for the Perfect Sperm Donor
 
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Buying Dad: One Woman's Search for the Perfect Sperm Donor [Paperback]

Harlyn Aizley (Author)
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)


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Book Description

July 1, 2003

What do two nice Jewish girls do when they want to start a family? They can marry two nice Jewish boys, or, if they happen to be lesbians, they can buy sperm online from California! Buying Dad is a hilarious, edgy, first--person chronicle of a year in the life of a woman engaged in a very alternative family-planning experience. Peeling back the layers of self-indulgence accumulated in 30-odd years as a self-proclaimed gay, childless, albeit happy neurotic, Harlyn Aizley takes the reader on one of the most personal, intimate and utterly female journeys any woman, gay or straight, can make-that of becoming a mother. Aizley's story begins with the search for sperm-known or unknown donor? Delivered on dry ice or in a nitrogen tank? The journey unfolds within the context of her relationship with her female partner, her mother's cancer diagnosis, the threat of her own possible infertility and finally pregnancy itself. Aizley's wry voice and candid prose embrace this confluence of major life events with the humor and wisdom that make Buying Dad accessible to any woman who ever considered ending a lifetime of sleep-filled nights and becoming a parent.

Harlyn Aizley's fiction and poetry have been seen in Cups, Caffeine, Inside, Dialogue and The South Carolina Review as well as the anthologies Love Shook My Heart, Scream When You Burn and Beginnings. Her nonfiction has appeared in Boston Magazine and the anthologies The Best American Neurotica and Mondo Barbie Redux. She is a graduate of Brandeis University and holds a master's degree in education from the Harvard Graduate School of Education. A native of New Jersey, she currently lives in the Boston area.



Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

While reproductive high-tech isn't exactly gay friendly, it has revived interest in the biological clock for many lesbians who wouldn't have heard its tick years ago. Aizley, a Jewish lesbian freelance writer, and her partner, Faith, were already in their 30s when they started considering motherhood. Agreed that children didn't need dad energy, and that Aizley, being older, should get pregnant first, they faced the trickier issue of sperm sourcing. After considering some male friends, they decided an anonymous sperm donor was less problematic. At first, sperm shopping seemed delightfully empowering-"the genetic world is our oyster"-but they soon realized they hadn't thought about which attributes really mattered. Ethnicity? Intelligence? Sincerity on the writing sample? Narrowing it down to donors willing to disclose paternity when the child grew up, the couple invested enough in one donor's specimens so Faith could later produce a half-sibling. From this point, Aizley's tale reads like any woman's: failed insemination procedures, fears of fertility treatments and huge doses of self-doubt. But before long, she's pregnant. Meanwhile, Aizley's sweet mom is dying of cancer, her hetero sister is having an unbelievably easy pregnancy-the story is as addictive as a good soap. Aizley's sense of humor may turn off some (when they switch to "non-Jewish" sperm, she muses, "I hope they treat my egg with respect and roll back their foreskins before doing the deed"), but her lesbian fans-and a good many straight women-may appreciate her irreverence and her honesty.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

Two nice Jewish lesbians decided to have a baby, launching a scenario of ever-multiplying decisions. Should the requisite sperm donor be known by them or not? Black or Caucasian (for a time, Native American was definitely in the running)? Tall or short? Jew or goy? When the sperm was finally chosen, bought, and paid for, they had to decide where to conceive: fertilization at home or in a clinic? So it went when forty-ish Aizley and lover embarked on a venture that might have made the more easily daunted cry, "Oh, Mother!"--especially if their mom, like Aizley's, faced a cancer diagnosis while her daughter waited to know whether she was absolutely infertile. With indefatigable wry humor, Aizley slogged through to pregnancy, only to find that if getting there was difficult--oy veh, the rest! More decisions: risk a Jewish jinx by shopping too early? Register the fetus for day care? Perhaps anyone who has contemplated a baby will smile, chuckle, even laugh out loud at Aizley's story. Whitney Scott
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Alyson Books; 1st edition (July 1, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1555837557
  • ISBN-13: 978-1555837556
  • Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,301,421 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

10 Reviews
5 star:
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4 star:
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3 star:
 (1)
2 star:
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Average Customer Review
4.3 out of 5 stars (10 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Bravo, July 11, 2003
By 
This review is from: Buying Dad: One Woman's Search for the Perfect Sperm Donor (Paperback)
From the moment I first picked up Buying Dad I was hooked and could not put it down. Harlyn Aizley takes two of life's biggest occasions - deciding to have a baby and watching your mother battle cancer - and dares to embrace them with humor, wit, and deep emotion. As a straight woman who also lost her mother near to when her first child was born, I can only say this book allowed me the opportunity to both cry and laugh out loud about a very difficult time in my life. Harlyn Aizley is the kind of writer you want to take out to dinner and chat with when the book is done.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally!!, June 28, 2003
By 
LMendon (Los Angeles, CA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Buying Dad: One Woman's Search for the Perfect Sperm Donor (Paperback)
At last here is a FUNNY and smart book about life, loss, and becoming a parent that includes a gay woman's perspective but is not a "gay book." Perfect for any woman who stays up all night wondering whether or not she wants to become a mommy. A great read!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Funny, insightful... and oddly practical., August 11, 2006
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This review is from: Buying Dad: One Woman's Search for the Perfect Sperm Donor (Paperback)
The author is a Jewish, very well educated (Brandeis, Harvard) lesbian who lives in Boston. So it's written from a certain viewpoint-- but I didn't for a second think anything was "snide" or "snarky" as some other readers have commented. In fact, there is a LOT of self deprecating humor in here; the author is constantly worried about her own possible inadequacies--everything from genetic disorders that Jews might be carrying to her financial and social situation and her family issues. This book is almost kind of classic Jewish humor in some ways, which I liked, but I don't think you have to be Jewish to enjoy this book. (I'm not.) Also don't think you need to be gay to enjoy this book. I think almost anyone trying to get pregnant would enjoy this book, especially if you are trying to do it in a non-traditional way or in a non-traditional family situation.

The reason it's oddly practical is that I actually think I picked up some concrete details on the whole process, should I ever do this--how to choose a bank, costs, what to scrutinize in donor essays, how to screen doctors and clinics for mercenary motives, how clinics SHOULD be checking for ovulation and how they SHOULD be attempting inseminations. Because the author had some bad experiences with faulty donors and lousy clinics and goes into a lot of details about specific conversations, procedures she had, etc.
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