Customer Reviews

Buying Dad: One Woman's Search for the Perfect Sperm Donor

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

From the moment I first picked up Buying Dad I was hooked and could not put it down. Harlyn Aizley takes two of life's biggest occasions - deciding to have a baby and watching your mother battle cancer - and dares to embrace them with humor, wit, and deep emotion. As a straight woman who also lost her mother near to when her first child was born, I can only say this book allowed me the opportunity to both cry and laugh out loud about a very difficult time in my life. Harlyn Aizley is the kind of writer you want to take out to dinner and chat with when the book is done.

At last here is a FUNNY and smart book about life, loss, and becoming a parent that includes a gay woman's perspective but is not a "gay book." Perfect for any woman who stays up all night wondering whether or not she wants to become a mommy. A great read!

The author is a Jewish, very well educated (Brandeis, Harvard) lesbian who lives in Boston. So it's written from a certain viewpoint-- but I didn't for a second think anything was "snide" or "snarky" as some other readers have commented. In fact, there is a LOT of self deprecating humor in here; the author is constantly worried about her own possible inadequacies--everything from genetic disorders that Jews might be carrying to her financial and social situation and her family issues. This book is almost kind of classic Jewish humor in some ways, which I liked, but I don't think you have to be Jewish to enjoy this book. (I'm not.) Also don't think you need to be gay to enjoy this book. I think almost anyone trying to get pregnant would enjoy this book, especially if you are trying to do it in a non-traditional way or in a non-traditional family situation.

The reason it's oddly practical is that I actually think I picked up some concrete details on the whole process, should I ever do this--how to choose a bank, costs, what to scrutinize in donor essays, how to screen doctors and clinics for mercenary motives, how clinics SHOULD be checking for ovulation and how they SHOULD be attempting inseminations. Because the author had some bad experiences with faulty donors and lousy clinics and goes into a lot of details about specific conversations, procedures she had, etc.

I found the book fascinating, informative and cleverly written. I learned a lot from it and found that I wasn't alone in some of my pre-insemination craziness. There were even times when the book made me laugh out loud. While I found the book hard to put down, 3/4 of the way through it I got really tired of the author questioning the wisdon of lesbians getting pregnant. I felt like there was way too much internalized homophobia and I was just tired of it and wonder what the child will think when reading mom's book in the future. I also wish it didn't end so abruptly and spent more time on what would seemingly be the culmination of the book .. childbirth ... as well as the events with her mother surrounding the time of childbirth. Despite these two areas, I loved the book and highly recomend it.

It's hard to imagine laughing about cancer and crying about sperm, but that's what I did while reading Buying Dad. Harlyn Aizley's insights and sharp wit made reading about two really difficult issues - cancer and infertility - a joy and a learning experience. A great book to pass on to a friend thinking of becoming a mom or to someone who is helping a loved one face cancer.

I had this book on my shelf for a month before opening it - why did I wait so long? I agree with the other reviewers. This is a funny, moving, and yes, heartfelt book. Harlyn Aizley's voice is one I will never forget. Very poetic and humorous take on two of life's biggest and hardest adventures.

I loved reading this!! Even though its written by a lesbian this book is not "for" lesbians contemplating insemination. Its hilarious and I couldn't put it down. VERY well written story about one couple's journey to motherhood using donor sperm.

Whoever said lesbians aren't funny and can't laugh at themselves, has not read Buying Dad. It's just too bad Aizley is tied up with a child now as she would make a great stand-up comic.

My partner and I bought this when we were starting to look at selecting a sperm donor, and were very disappointed in this book.

We thought the author came across as neurotic and with a lot of internalized homophobia. And not in a way where you thought, "Yes, but she's struggling to deal with it and there's some hope!"

This book is well written, amusing, and chatty; reading it is like entering into someone's confidence about juicy details you were dying to know but were too polite to ask about.

The problem is, that entry also allows you to see the author's rather snide outlook, an outlook that shows contempt for those not in her inner circle (and given that the author is self-described as a very private person with lots of boundaries, that circle is seems to be pretty small). The rest of the world is often portrayed with a callousness that is a bit chilling (e.g. the "obese" social worker who liked watermelon decor, or the sperm bank social worker whose I.Q. was presumably not as high as Aizley's). The therapist that Aizley had found to be "smart enough" to work with seems to have left her disdain untouched.

Her description of her mother's illness and death was heartfelt and moving, as was that of her emerging love for her baby, but in the end, the snide tone was what I was left with.