Customer Reviews

Call Me Lumpy: My Leave It To Beaver Days and Other Wild Hollywood Life

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

I only gave this one star because [Amazon.com's] format doesn't allow for zero stars. Frank Bank is like one of those irritating guys you meet at airport bars when your flight is delayed: on his sixth Scotch-rocks, won't shut up. Every topic that comes up he was there, he had the first one, everybody copied him, he had the best, the biggest, the coolest. What's saddest about this exercise in mind-numbing ego is that Bank apparently doesn't realize that the only thing interesting about him is his involvement in "Leave it to Beaver," to which he devotes very few pages and about which he gives absolutely no insight. He doesn't even get the details right in what little he says about the series: Wally and the Beaver did not go apologize to Mr. Rutherford after putting barrel hoops in his driveway, Ward (in a scene that takes place off camera) worked things out with Rutherford, which is the whole point of the show (since it was Ward who gave them the barrel hoop idea in the first place). But of course, accuracy is not anything Bank cares about, what matters to him is that this was the first episode in which Frank Bank appeared (one wonders if he ever bothered to read the rest of the script). Although Bank had a co-writer, Gib Twyman, "an award winning former sportswriter," this is possibly the worst written book I've ever read. There are no paragraphs, just short, repetitive, jargon-filled sentences (fills more pages that way, I guess). Jerry Mathers' book ("And Jerry Mathers as the Beaver") may not have been any work of art, but at least he respected what brought readers to the book. Bank does not. It's no surprise when, in a late chapter, he reveals that he's the President of the alumni organization of his high school social club, The Knights (the coolest guys on campus, of course). Bank -- emotionally and perceptually -- is still in high school. Don't waste your time or money on this flatulent, boring piece of self-inflation.

The book was thoroughly disappointing. I had expected a writing about Lumpy and his Beaver days. What I found however were pages and pages of his life as a Hollywood Knight in the early 60's and the nearly 1 thousand women he bedded. I found little more than a few lines commenting on his friendship with Dow, Mathers and Osmand and his respect for Ward and June. Soooooooo, if you're looking for material on what went on, on the set of Leave it To Beaver, you had better try looking elswhere.

This book has little to do with the Leave it to Beaver show. It was written for [fools] by a [fool]. After reading a few chapters of teeny bopper prose, I could go no further...

Oh, this is no War and Peace, but it is an interesting read. Written as if Frank "Lumpy" is speaking directly to you. You will laugh out loud as he gives you details of his coming-of-age years in California and how he kept his head screwed on straight to become a success in the financial world as an adult, unlike so many other child stars from his era and before. I loved his sense of humor and knack for story telling, it was almost like having a long conversation with the author, except you weren't able to get in a word edgewise! Some of it, if you can believe it, may shock you. He has alot of nice things to say about his peers from "Leave It To Beaver", too. Must have been a happy set to come to work to. Imagine being on TV in the fifties and sixties and rubbing elbows with some of the rich and famous....well, Lumpy did and he gives us a little insight into what it was like. Thanks, Frank.

This is the worst book I have ever read. It should have been printed on 100% pure pigslop.

Frank Bank makes one outrageous claim after the next, from the story that his grandfather really captured the outlaw Frank James (Jesse's notorious brother) contrary to what history records, to his father standing off against Al Capone face-to-face over a territorial dispute concerning walkathon contests (of all things), to his own bedding of over 1,000 women.

The tall tales never stop. The audience should be insulted by being expected to believe such nonsense. Even if the stories are true, it gets monontous to hear how his life always comes up roses. A good autobiography deals both the positive and negative, to show how obstacles and adversities were dealth with and overcome, and how it hopefully made them a better person. Instead, the braggart Bank rubs his supposed fairy tale life in the noses of his less fortunate readers.

Reading this hogwash gets tiring quickly, not only due to the egotism but by his poor writing skills. Every paragraph consists solely of one run on sentence. Bank should have better grammatical skills, considering he claims to have been an honor student with a genius IQ.

Frank Bank apparently thinks very highly of himself. Too bad readers won't. He wants us to call him Lumpy, but I call him a liar.

Very little to do with the reason he has any "fame" at all, and badly written, all in first person declarative.

If you thought Lumpy was a blowhard on the small screen, you should only read a few pages of this ego maniacal tripe to realize it was typecasting.

Mind numbing and pointless and boring. I want my time back.

Is this a vanity press job? It has the feel of it.

I was a little let down bt this book.
I bought the book expecting to read a lot about life on the leave it to beaver show.
but there is very little about beaver in this book. I think Frank could have made this book more interesting if he would of written more about the show and cast. I am now looking forward to reading Jerry Mathers book maybe I will read a little more on the show.

When I first decided to do a review of this book, I was inclined to agree with the one-star opinions. There is very little in "Call Me Lumpy" to satisfy the loyal LITB fan and from that perspective, I was let down. Conversely, I will never understand the five-star opinions (which book did YOU read?) but I think that the book deserved an average rating. There were times that I was sure the next paragraph would reminisce about the time Frank explained to Jonas Salk how to cure polio, but there were others that were entertaining and though I am skeptical of much of this braggadocio it was fun to read. I think I would enjoy Frank Bank's company. I think I'd roll my eyes and chuckle a bit about his next tall tale, but it would likely be an enjoyable (albeit one-sided) conversation.

I was very disappointed in this book, I expected it to cover his Leave it to Beaver days it does touch upon them very lightly at the beginning of the book but in a very superficial and unsatisfying manner. He basically declares who was "cool" and who wasn't on the show, big deal. Mostly he talks about his endless womanizing how he laid over a 1000 women, again superficially, how smart he is, how popular he is, what a great poker player he is, what a great stock picker he is, basically this is a self indulgent brag piece for Frank Bank written with the skill of a high school turn paper "what I did last summer". In my book this one would successfully compete for the title of one of the worst books of all times.

I am not just a very big fan of Leave it to Beaver, but I am also interested in 1950's culture and nostalgia. I did like the first few chapters. Frank Bank (so I'm not calling him Lumpy) writes about some great LTB behind the scenes shenanigans that made what I paid for the book worthwhile. Chapter three is the beginning of the rest of the book, mostly about his sexual exploits and how he started every cool trend in California during his day. That's why I am only giving it two stars-- I can only recommend the beginning of the book.

I worried about writing this. I wondered, what if "Lumpy" reads this review?? I'm such a LTB fan!!! But then I realized after reading his book that his ego isn't in danger of being injured. So, I would recommend buying this book for the first two chapters only.

Now, if only Tony Dow would write HIS book! :)