Cancer Etiquette: What to Say, What to Do When Someone You Know or Love Has Cancer [Hardcover]

Rosanne Kalick (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0874604508 | ISBN-13: 978-0874604504 | Publication Date: May 2005 | Edition: 1

At last, the definitive guide on how to respond when someone says, "I have cancer." Two-time cancer survivor Roseanne Kalick helps readers communicate caringly with the cancer patient. Many have had the gut-wrenching experience of having a friend or loved one reveal they have cancer, yet few can figure out how to react. Using real stories, Kalick conveys how much most people really want to say and do the right thing – and how they often fail. Even those in the medical profession who work with cancer are guilty of etiquette "don'ts." The book is intended for patients, caregivers, family members, and friends.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

A retired librarian, Kalick has survived both multiple myeloma (cancer of the bone marrow) and breast cancer. She shares many of her own stories as well as dozens of others' anecdotes in this manners guide to cancer. Some of her tales are difficult to believe; for example, when "James G." was diagnosed with cancer, an annoyed business associate told him "you got what you deserve." Clearly, such insensitive remarks are useless, and anyone who might say such a thing probably wouldn't pick up this book in the first place. All the same, there's some good advice to found here. For example, Kalick counsels readers to say "you look terrific" only when it's true, "not when you want it to be true." Hold off on sharing "war stories," she advises. And when you visit a cancer patient at home, provide distraction, however simple: an afternoon movie, a manicure excursion, or a simple walk outside. Be specific in how you offer to help: a comment like "I'm here for you" isn't as useful as "Do you want me to cook on Tuesday or Wednesday?" Kalick is not a psychiatrist, and her advice should be taken with a grain of salt, but she's been there twice and that certainly counts for something.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

Cancer Etiquette has been nominated for Health category book of the year by ForeWord Magazine. -- ForeWord Magazine

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 160 pages
• Publisher: Lion Books Publisher; 1 edition (May 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0874604508
• ISBN-13: 978-0874604504
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #384,555 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Everyone who knows someone with cancer needs this book, June 10, 2005

By 

Loves books (Florida) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cancer Etiquette: What to Say, What to Do When Someone You Know or Love Has Cancer (Hardcover)

Cancer Etiquette is stunning in its sensitivity, anecdotal examples, and practical advice on what to say and not say (and do) when you have a relative or friend diagnosed with cancer. Doctors should also read this book because sometimes they are very insensitive too. For example, the author says that when one patient was concerned about her cholesterol level, the doctor said, "Don't worry about your cholesterol. Your death certificate will say ovarian cancer."

The author, who has survived two bouts with cancer herself, discusses the distressing comments that are often made to people with cancer and offers helpful advice on what should be said instead.

For example, in one case, a 12 year old boy who was diagnosed with leukemia had his picure taken with celebrity Andre Agassi. Most people seeing the photo made positive comments, but one person said, "It almost makes it worth getting leukemia, doesn't it?"

In her own case, when the author told someone she had cancer, the person responded with, "If anyone should have this, it's you." It was meant as a compliment but it was a cruel and thoughtless thing to say and the person apologized. Sometimes, however, people don't realize the cutting impact of their words. Cancer Etiquette will help resolve this ignorance.

There are also humorous examples, such as the patient who brought a large water pistol to the hospital. When some doctors came in and one of them started talking about his case, the patient asked him who he was. He was ignored by the doctor, who was a resident. The patient asked the doctor to stop talking and was still ignored. So the patient "shot" the doctor with the water pistol. That got his attention and the resident later apologized for his behavior.

Buy this book. You may be sad or even cry when you read it but you'll come away with a better understanding of how powerful words are and how you can truly help your relatives or friends who have had to deal with cancer being thrust into their lives.

Christine Adamec
coauthor of Prostate Cancer for Dummies

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book should be in everyone's library, June 18, 2005

By 

Avid Reader (Chicago, IL) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cancer Etiquette: What to Say, What to Do When Someone You Know or Love Has Cancer (Hardcover)

This book will be helpful for everyone. We have all been in the situation of not knowing what to say or do for someone who has cancer...or any other life threatening disease for that matter.

The book is very readable. It's clear, conversational, not heavy-handed at all. Some of the stories are even humorous. It's got a lot of practical advice for friends and relatives, and also for doctors and nurses. There are suggestions of ways to help out and examples of well meaning, but NOT helpful things as well. Ms. Kalick also talks about connections and community and love. She tells of how groups of people have done things to support a cancer patient, and how much it meant to that patient. Again, there are good suggestions of how to go about organizing something.

Ms. Kalick speaks of her own experiences with treatment for 2 different cancers. She is able to tell what made her feel better, and what made her feel worse. Some of her descriptions are very moving, but she is able to poke fun at herself as well.

This book should be in every doctor's office in the country...for all to read in the waiting room, AND for the doctors and staff to read as well.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An extremely helpful and wise book, June 18, 2005

By 

Loves-to-read (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cancer Etiquette: What to Say, What to Do When Someone You Know or Love Has Cancer (Hardcover)

Who hasn't heard the words, "I have cancer?" Unfortunately, when this happens, most of us are either speechless, or blurt out the wrong things.

Thanks to incredibly perceptive and wise author, Rosanne Kalick, I now know what to say and do when I hear these life-changing words. Kalick and cancer survivors she interviewed have been on the receiving end of countless tactless remarks, and I feel confident that I'll never make those mistakes again.

Sometimes, I learned, the best thing to say is *nothing.* "Take your cues from the patient," Kalick suggests. Respond to what he or she is feeling. "Over time, helping the cancer patient restore some sense of control in his or her life can be an invaluable gift."

This book will be extremely valuable for anyone dealing with cancer, and it's also an excellent gift for anyone in the health care field. Give it to future doctors entering medical school, and anyone beginning a career in medical services - such as mammography technicians.