Customer Reviews

Cancer Etiquette: What to Say, What to Do When Someone You Know or Love Has Cancer

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3 star:		(1)
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1 star:		(1)

 

 

Cancer Etiquette is stunning in its sensitivity, anecdotal examples, and practical advice on what to say and not say (and do) when you have a relative or friend diagnosed with cancer. Doctors should also read this book because sometimes they are very insensitive too. For example, the author says that when one patient was concerned about her cholesterol level, the doctor said, "Don't worry about your cholesterol. Your death certificate will say ovarian cancer."

The author, who has survived two bouts with cancer herself, discusses the distressing comments that are often made to people with cancer and offers helpful advice on what should be said instead.

For example, in one case, a 12 year old boy who was diagnosed with leukemia had his picure taken with celebrity Andre Agassi. Most people seeing the photo made positive comments, but one person said, "It almost makes it worth getting leukemia, doesn't it?"

In her own case, when the author told someone she had cancer, the person responded with, "If anyone should have this, it's you." It was meant as a compliment but it was a cruel and thoughtless thing to say and the person apologized. Sometimes, however, people don't realize the cutting impact of their words. Cancer Etiquette will help resolve this ignorance.

There are also humorous examples, such as the patient who brought a large water pistol to the hospital. When some doctors came in and one of them started talking about his case, the patient asked him who he was. He was ignored by the doctor, who was a resident. The patient asked the doctor to stop talking and was still ignored. So the patient "shot" the doctor with the water pistol. That got his attention and the resident later apologized for his behavior.

Buy this book. You may be sad or even cry when you read it but you'll come away with a better understanding of how powerful words are and how you can truly help your relatives or friends who have had to deal with cancer being thrust into their lives.

Christine Adamec
coauthor of Prostate Cancer for Dummies

This book will be helpful for everyone. We have all been in the situation of not knowing what to say or do for someone who has cancer...or any other life threatening disease for that matter.

The book is very readable. It's clear, conversational, not heavy-handed at all. Some of the stories are even humorous. It's got a lot of practical advice for friends and relatives, and also for doctors and nurses. There are suggestions of ways to help out and examples of well meaning, but NOT helpful things as well. Ms. Kalick also talks about connections and community and love. She tells of how groups of people have done things to support a cancer patient, and how much it meant to that patient. Again, there are good suggestions of how to go about organizing something.

Ms. Kalick speaks of her own experiences with treatment for 2 different cancers. She is able to tell what made her feel better, and what made her feel worse. Some of her descriptions are very moving, but she is able to poke fun at herself as well.

This book should be in every doctor's office in the country...for all to read in the waiting room, AND for the doctors and staff to read as well.

Who hasn't heard the words, "I have cancer?" Unfortunately, when this happens, most of us are either speechless, or blurt out the wrong things.

Thanks to incredibly perceptive and wise author, Rosanne Kalick, I now know what to say and do when I hear these life-changing words. Kalick and cancer survivors she interviewed have been on the receiving end of countless tactless remarks, and I feel confident that I'll never make those mistakes again.

Sometimes, I learned, the best thing to say is *nothing.* "Take your cues from the patient," Kalick suggests. Respond to what he or she is feeling. "Over time, helping the cancer patient restore some sense of control in his or her life can be an invaluable gift."

This book will be extremely valuable for anyone dealing with cancer, and it's also an excellent gift for anyone in the health care field. Give it to future doctors entering medical school, and anyone beginning a career in medical services - such as mammography technicians.

THAN YOU to the author is so inadequate for such a book as this.
If there was ever a book that everyone should read this is the one.
Having had three kinds of cancer myself, I can totally relate to so much of what Rosanne Kalick has written. Her book has brought tears to my eyes and smiles on my lips.
I know in my heart that most people mean well with their comments but at the same time they come across as appearing to be brash, uncaring and sometimes downright stupid. When we are in pain, or feeling so sick from our treatments it's often times hard to smile through it all and try not to react to these comments. I know also that many times we as patients tend to over react to what others may innocently say.
This book is a great guide for all of us, both patients, family, caregivers, friends or neighbors. We can all benefit from reading this book and hopefully applying it to our lives.
I have ordered several more copies of this book to share with others. I know it will be going through my church family as well as a lot of my friends. Some are already telling me they can't wait to get their copies.

There is something happening in our society, it is called "cancer's dirty little secret"; long-time friends disappear, stop calling or emailing a cancer patient, they may stop contact all together... why would this be so widespread at a time when friends and family are desperately needed not only by the cancer patient but by those trying to give- care?
Could it be fear? Fear of not knowing what to say or do? Better to avoid than to offer help or compassion. Cancer patients need help, and a lot of it. It is estimated to take 3-5 people to get a person through treatment and give care while a person struggles against this horrible disease. This books offers help to people by stating clearly what they can do; what helps and what doesn't, what hurts and what heals. Perhaps this book will encourage people to step up and help a victim of cancer without fear or anxiety that they will do or say the wrong thing.
Carol Kaplan

It was ok with many insights and suggestions, but at times came off as somewhat condescending to those who have never had the misfortune of having cancer. The author gave examples of what she considered inappropriate comments she experienced from others, but imho it often came off as angry and self pitying (which is understandable but not beneficial to anyone). It just didn't prove useful to me (I have a child with cancer).

I was looking for a book that would give me some practical tips and advice on how to treat a family member with cancer and their spouse with kindness and consideration. This book offers some excellent advice from a cancer survivor. I particularly needed some advice on what to say or not say and this book does deliver. I will be referring back to it.

Cancer Etiquette, by Rosanne Kalick, is not only an etiquette guide for friends, family, and caregivers of cancer patients. It not only tells us what to say or not to say; what to do or not to do; what to give or not to give. The book could be thought of as a guide for all our interactions in life, and the love, compassion, kindness, and joy that are so necessary. The author is a two-time cancer survivor who has been able to distill what has happened to her, including her good and bad interactions with people, into this detailed, valuable, life-affirming, and timeless guide.

When a friend or loved one has cancer, do not tell anyone.

Let the patient decide who is to be told.

I had cancer and my dad told the gardener; my tenant told our mutual next-door neighbor; someone else told my ex-husband.

I thought it went without saying that medical issues are utterly private!!!

This book is necessary!

thought the book was very informative and at a reasonable price-service was quick. book was not too long or boreing--have friends who are dealing with cancer and thought this book would help--it did help on how to talk to them--thanks