I Can't Believe I Just Did That [Hardcover]

David Allyn (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 25, 2003

Social scientist David Allyn examines the subtly damaging effects of shame and embarrassment on our everyday lives-and offers powerful advice for identifying and managing them.

For many of us, when it comes to asking for a raise, asking someone to dinner, or just saying what we think in a difficult situation, a quietly lurking fear of embarrassment undermines our ability to effectively get the job done. Yet often-times, we are so accustomed to these feelings-or so eager to forget them once they have disappeared-that we fail to notice how dramatically they are shaping our actions.

In I Can't Believe I Just Did That, David Allyn draws upon extensive research in psychology and the social sciences, as well as the real-life experiences of the numerous subjects who participated in a study conducted for this book, to illustrate the impact embarrassment has on our day-to-day encounters. He shows readers how, if left unchecked, even the briefest incidents of embarrassment-in the checkout line at the supermarket or with a family member or coworker-can have negative repercussions on the important relationships in our lives. Through exercises designed to identify and ultimately dissolve these feelings of self-doubt and confusion, Allyn presents readers with a powerful program for transforming our spirals of shame into spirals of achievement.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

David Allyn, Ph.D., is a Harvard-trained social scientist. A Visiting Scholar at the Institute for Social and Economic Research and Policy at Columbia University, Allyn's essays have appeared in such publications as The Journal of American Studies, The New York Times Magazine, and The Washington Post.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher (December 25, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1585422576
• ISBN-13: 978-1585422579
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.4 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,705,603 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book shook the foundation of my heart., June 13, 2005

By 

John W. (New York, NY United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Can't Believe I Just Did That: How Embarassment Can Wreak Havoc in Your Life--and What You Can Do to Conquer It (Mass Market Paperback)

Wow!! A profoundly insightful, powerful, and completely unique take on the subject of "self-confidence" and "embarassment." I highly recommend it... regardless of your level of self confidence, or lack thereof. And, if you have kids... definitely...get this book! Don't wait. Not only did it teach me how to step outside of my own self-punishing shell of shame, guilt, and self-pity, but I also learned how to be a better (and much more sensitive) parent. The wisdom in this book has helped unleash a powerful new understanding of my children, and a renewed sense of warmth, pride, and acceptance of them in all their faults and glory. Truly a priceless gift to me and my family. Thank you a thousand times Mr. Allyn.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, Practical, Excellent Value, March 1, 2007

By 

Linda H. (New York, NY USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Can't Believe I Just Did That (Hardcover)

David Allyn captures the universal concern for what other people think of us and the deep desire to hide away, embarassed and horrified, when we think we've screwed up. After reading this book, I felt much less alone in my feelings of shame and embarassment and more empathetic toward others.

I recommend this book very highly. It's not a psychological treatise -thank goodness. It's easy to read, even funny in places. It's for people who want some practical ways to think about and deal with life's daily horrors that we bring upon ourselves.

If you've ever made a mistake that you are still thinking about (and who hasn't?), read this book and breathe a lot freer.

5 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Superficial, June 18, 2005

By 

hapathy "hapathy" (U.S.) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Can't Believe I Just Did That (Hardcover)

I was hoping this would be a book that would give meaningful guidance to people with a deep sense of shame/embarrassment, or at least a book anchoring shame in the social context. It does neither. Instead it is just a one-size-fits-all collection of self-help cliches.

The author is a "Harvard trained social scientist" who has written a prior book on the sexual revolution, and yet this book doesn't bother to put shame in a social or historical context at all, except on the most superficial level.

And furthermore, although I realize the author is not a psychologist, neither does this book seem to show any real psychological understanding of what it is like for a person who suffers deeply from chronic shame/embarrassment. Instead this book is just lightweight self-help fluff and the usual random anecdotes about successful people and businesses.

It's not that the advice in this book is bad. It usually isn't. (Although the authors insistence that honesty is always less *shameful* than dishonesty is highly questionable in my opinion). It's just that you've probably heard it all before. Sometimes we forget the obvious and need reminding or external encouraging though (and hence the reason I even give 3 stars).