I Can't Believe She Did That!: Why Women Betray Other Women at Work [Paperback]

Nan Mooney (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0312322070 | ISBN-13: 978-0312322076 | Publication Date: October 3, 2006

The massive influx of women into the workplace in the past thirty years means a whole new category of problems has arisen among women at work.  Suddenly, women are working over, under, and alongside other women.  Women on the job have grown more comfortable with ambition, competition, and success, but that hasn't negated the value they place on communication and relationships--on being liked and being nice.
 
 In this provocative social and cultural exploration of the often troubled and painful dynamics that unfold among women at work, Nan Mooney explores how and why some women hurt each other on the job, and what we can do to begin cleaning up the mess.  
 
I Can't Believe She Did That!  provides vivid insights on the emotional toll competition can take on working women and charts a path towards more productive and fulfilling relationships for professional women everywhere.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Mooney, whose well-received memoir, My Racing Heart (HarperCollins, 2002), about the world of thoroughbred horse racing, now examines a more vicious race-women versus women in the workplace-offering a vibrant, studied counterpoint to a touchy subject that's been fodder for many novels of the The Devil Wears Prada persuasion. The prickly dynamics that often develop between women in the workplace-both the subtle stabs-in-the-back and outright executive hair-pulling-are essentially tied up in our society's definition of what it means to be feminine, says Mooney; even though women have "grown more comfortable with ambition, competition, and success," they still place great value on "communication and relationships, on being liked and being nice." Mooney visits a broad range of offices from all over the country, and the voices of these "scientists, social workers, waitresses, lawyers, bankers, soldiers, editors, salespeople, athletes, and schoolteachers" resonate with the same frustrations, disappointment, feelings of betrayal and guilt, and reveal both patterns of behavior (such as "looking clean and dealing dirty" and "the new tokenism") and longstanding issues that affect interaction between women at work (physical attractiveness, work-life balance, race and class issues, and age differences). Any woman who's felt the sting of a workplace snub will appreciate this long overdue book and its jaw-dropping anecdotes about conniving, clawing and incredulous women.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

There is, unfortunately, a well-documented issue in business called the queen bee syndrome: businesswomen in high-level positions don't reach out to help others climbing the career ladder. Think no further than the behavior of Omarosa, one of the candidates on Trump's The Apprentice series. Mooney, who is not a psychologist by training, takes the time and considerable effort to uncover reasons behind a more general trend--female competition in the workplace. Through a targeted questionnaire, one-on-one interviews, and secondary research, Mooney reveals a variety of corporate conflicts attributable to gender betrayal, such as passive-aggressive moves to undercut colleagues or very different work attitudes. Mooney also discusses the power of the office romance (practiced by some eight million Americans each year). In the end, the recommended solution is heavily dependent on individual change: to acknowledge conflict, behave ethically, help change social policy and media scrutiny, and show respect. Sound like the Ten Commandments? Barbara Jacobs
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin (October 3, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312322070
• ISBN-13: 978-0312322076
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 7.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #488,563 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Leaves you to do the legwork, April 11, 2007

By 

Christine Kenney "Chix0r" (MIT) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: I Can't Believe She Did That!: Why Women Betray Other Women at Work (Paperback)

I am grateful that this conversation has begun, but this book is by no means the final word on the subject.

I found 200 pages of individual acts of backstabbing to be uninsightful. We already know women can be vicious. While this book takes heroic steps to sympathetically rationalize treachery and dispel the "good girl-bad girl" dichotomy, it would be a far more inspirational read if it gave practical advice for dealing with our inevitable day to day confrontations.

I was hoping this book would lay out the nuances and pitfalls of working with women before dispensing some apt suggestions for diffusing tense situations. Perhaps with some humorous/memorable examples of these tactics applied. I was disappointed.

I had to glean from the anecdotes the sorts of environmental conditions which could lead to thinly veiled hostility: feeling threatened by youth, talent, beauty, race, social class or contested token woman status. Should I find myself in possession of one of these threatening advantages, I'm unsure how to react outside of warily paranoid.

Although this book alludes to individual advocacy, at its core it is a collective action cop-out. Women are reluctant to make individual changes because their less altruistic coworkers will take advantage of them. The solution? Macro-level reform meted out by our government, media and employers.

Amidst a slew of gratuitous quotes, it seems Margaret Mead's critical message has been left out: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very Helpful, December 11, 2005

By 

J.J. (New York, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Can't Believe She Did That!: Why Women Betray Other Women at Work (Hardcover)

This book has gotten me thinking: about my relationships with fellow females in past jobs; about my interactions with women in my current mostly-female career; and about various experiences my friends are having in the workplace. In all, the anecdotes and analysis that Mooney presents here ring true and will be a great source for discussion. Women should read this book in bookgroups and also on their own. The issues highlighted here -- backstabbing, lack of direct communication, healthy (though fierce) competition, etc -- are incredibly important. I feel heartened that other women are having similar experiences and emboldened to talk about some of these issues (both theoretically and specifically) with key people at work. This is an excellent read.

17 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Are These Reviewers Paid?, July 4, 2006

By 

a reader (St Paul, MN USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Can't Believe She Did That!: Why Women Betray Other Women at Work (Hardcover)

This book is horrid; there are so many that are better reading and better advice. The answer to "why" is simple: everyone is out for their best interest, and only advances yours if it achieves their objective. And here Mooney is pretending to advance your objective by selling you a bad book.

Get over the sisterhood myth and move on to better researched, better written books, such as Lois Frankel's "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office" and Gail Evans' "Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman".