If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?! [Paperback]

Cynthia Heimel (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1992

In this hysterical, piercing completely on-target collection of essays, Cynthia Heimel lets loose once again on all her favorite subjects. From "The New Coldness" (pretty people eating frozen radicchio mousse while starving children outside claw at the window) to "PMS and Outfits" (self-explanatory), each of these pieces offers a welcome antidote to modern culture (which, Heimel tells us, is too kind a word for what we live in). Here's Heimel on:

Women...I know what kind of man I must look for: a guy who will be my pal, who approves of me and supports me, and who is not afraid of his feelings. I know this is right, because I feel the same aversion that I feel about eating bean sprouts.

Men...The boy disease is when everything's just great and you're having a wonderful time and then he suddenly becomes very weird and disappears. It's epidemic nowadays.

Men and Women...If he's the wrong man, you can turn yourself inside out with smiles and perfume and French maid's outfits and nothing will work. If he's the right man, you can have greasy hair, spinach in your teeth, and your skirt on inside out, and he'll still be entranced and follow you to the ends of the earth.

Life, etc...Being a mother of a teenager is a strange and precarious exercise. You both know about sex, but nobody's talking. Better to talk about cannibalism.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Reading Heimel is like listening to a standup comic. Her delivery is snappy with zinger after zinger; her topics are contemporary and her language is hip. Author of Sex Tips for Girls ( LJ 6/15/83) and But Enough About You (S. & S., 1986), Heimel writes about codependency, PMS, and the eternal conflict between men and women. Her humor is cutting, and her language, to put it mildly, is strong. For these reasons, she may have less of a broad appeal than Erma Bombeck. Still, her spoofs of the modern human condition are right on target, so this is a book to consider carefully. Libraries that already have her other books may want this one as well.
- Carol Spiel man Lezak, General Learning Corp., Northbrook, Ill.
Copyright 1991 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Perennial; First Edition first Printing edition (March 1992)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060974788
• ISBN-13: 978-0060974787
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,514,317 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

25 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Go ahead and laugh, but it's all true!, October 6, 1997

By 

M. Beyer "mom of two" (MA, United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?! (Paperback)

Someone bought me a copy of "If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" for a gift. The title immediately made me smile, so I read it. The contents didn't disappoint.

Heimel writes about women, PMS, and even compares differing reactions to porno movies depending on the sex of the viewer. (No pun intended.) The book is hysterical - I've read the list of things men want out loud to many people, but while the subjects are written humorously, they aren't exactly untrue....

So laugh if you like (I know I did), but according to my own independant poll, men really do want a lady in the living room and a sex-starved tiger in the bedroom!

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Breakup Book, June 3, 2001

By 

G. Jordan "ginazone" (Adirondacks, NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?! (Paperback)

This hilarious book hides some hard hitting truths about our relationships, insecurities, doubts & regrets, and helped me get through a nasty breakup without going back. Every time I felt tempted to call him, I'd read a chapter & be laughing too hard at seeing the ridiculous nature of my relationships boldly outlined with laugh-at-myself-and-heal humor. After a breakup is when I feel the most depressed, taking life way too seriously! This book had me laughing the whole way, or smirking, chuckling, snorting, almost-peed-myself, non-stop, nodding-my-head, giggling. Whenever I'd get upset about a man, I'd read a few pages & it was like seeing the guy naked to the core--and myself too (because we're not so innocent either)! I now have the whole set of books this author has written, the humor is timeless & there will always be breakups or jerks who make my hair stand on end, and this book helps release the pressure of taking life too darn seriously.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The Greatest Title Ever, November 10, 2001

By 

Rachael (HONG KONG) - See all my reviews

This review is from: If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?! (Paperback)

Cynthia Heimel's "If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" is a collection of her columns from the Village Voice, Playboy, and Cosmo. The book is half painful wisdom, half male-oriented feminist anger, and half fall-on-the-floor-laugh-out-loud comedy. If you think that doesn't add up right, you haven't taken into account that anger can be funny, and sometimes even wise. The columns date from the 1980's and are totally New York oriented, so if you don't think the Big Apple is the center of the universe you may find yourself annoyed, and the discussion of drug use will profoundly disturb some. But Heimel's not out to offend--she's just an urban divorced mother trying to live a worthwhile life. She's caught in the crossfire of mindless masculinity and rabid feminism, looking for a safe place for a love life, a job, and a family. Her most moving columns are about her son, and "Childhood is Powerful" should be required reading for prospective parents. In it, she talks about guilt, and how honesty with your child is more important than parental authority; and how limits must not be placed on your child in order to create that authority. "As much as love, empathy cures all evils." And "For Rent: Empty Nest" is a tear-and-smile inducing bit of writing that will resonate with every mother. "If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?" isn't a perfect book, but it's bite-sized slices of life are well worth the price of admission, especially if your date is paying!