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Will ruin your life
on January 31, 2012
This is not a review about playing Cards Against Humanity, it's a review of the fallout endured from playing Cards Against Humanity. Take it as a warning, if you will.
If you aren't a horrible person already, you will soon be. You will play Cards Against Humanity, and as others have said, you will be shocked, appalled, and worst of all, you will learn and adapt. You'll reach for your smartphone and search for terms you've drawn such as "The Übermensch", "Heteronormativity", and "The Three-Fifths Compromise". You will commit these and many other newly-learned words to memory.
And that's where it all comes crashing down.
At first, you might allow "front butt" to casually wander its way into a conversation here and there. As more of your subconscious fights to unleash the trauma, you'll find yourself uttering "nipple blades" and "mouth herpes" in the most unacceptable of times. You'll visit the Cards Against Humanity website and bomb them with suggestions for new cards like "Cutting the cheese at a funeral" and "Scissoring".
Soon, you will meet up with new people to inflict Cards Against Humanity upon them and they'll be hooked. You will receive random voicemails and texts, asking for another hit of that "8 oz. of sweet, Mexican black tar heroin", and you will comply, because you're just as hooked as they are. They'll bring new friends in to freshen up the game...you will feel a rush as the look of shame crosses their innocent eyes as they win a round by playing "Amputees" against your "White People Like _____".
"I was just throwing that card away!" they'll proclaim, but you know the sad truth.
You will buy the expansion pack. You will host parties where you play through every card in both boxes. You'll wonder where the time went. Your face will hurt from laughing so much. Your friends will buy their own sets, and the infection will be passed on.
A team of rescue workers will find you you weeks later in your closet, frazzled, emaciated, and stinking from "Soiling Yourself", because you just couldn't stop with playing Cards Against Humanity against yourself. The light of day will strike your eyes and you'll gaze up at your saviors with pensive anticipation...