The Care and Feeding of Perfectionists [Paperback]

Cynthia Curnan (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 1998

The author explores the many facets of perfectionism and demonstrates, using case histories, the multiple guises of the perfectionist, offering real-life solutions to careers, family and personal dilemmas. She integrates the best of modern psychology with age-old common sense.

Editorial Reviews

Review

A wonderfully perceptive and sensitive guide to your own inner truth. Dr. Curnan is the first person I know, who talks about getting back to basic instincts and separating them from anxieties. -- Eve Roberts, Master Acting Teacher, USC

An important book in its straight forward and creative way of integrating the best concepts of modern psychology with age old common sense. A powerful yet practical guide to inner healing. A unique book by a very unique woman. -- Alvin P Ross Ph.D., Founder Ryokan College

Brilliantly insightful, highly practical. Based on core life experiences. Clear concise examples for patients, clients, students, and therapists. Bold, penetrating catch phrases. -- Marvin Portner M.D.

Cynthia Curnan brilliantly takes you on a ride through life, examining the Perfectionist vs. Essence. This well crafted book smooths out the rough spots which makes the ride so much more pleasant gives the tools to examine the Perfectionist and find a balance to the see-saw of life orchestrates beautifully how to look at both sides and blend them, through inner guidance, into the most delicious Vanilla Swirl ice cream. -- Linda Gray, Actor, Director, Producer, United Nations Goodwill Ambassador to U.N.F.P.A.

I was stuck on a play for ten years. It was the worst case of writer's block I'd ever known. Cynthia's book, THE CARE AND FEEDING OF PERFECTIONISTS, helped me build a bridge over the block. Within two days, I had turned a problem play into my most meaningful and successful work, ever. I have since used it as a reference manual in the writing courses I teach. Invaluable resource! -- Jim McGrath, Playwright, Winner of LA Theaters' Ovation Award Television Writer, AIR AMERICA

In this wonderfully wise and timely book, Dr. Curnan liberates all those who have been taken hostage by the myth of perfection and reminds them that life is not a performance, but a living practice and it is through our imperfection that we find our true nature and our original voice. -- Michael Jones, Composer, Pianist, Author, Creating an Imaginative Life

No matter who you are, there's something in this book that will open your eyes to parts of yourself that you have not yet explored. Cynthia has done an amazing job of self-analysis and has been courageous enough to share this in ways that allow even the most casual reader to gain something from the process. -- Channing Dungey, Sr. VP/Film Producer, Material

The Perfectionist is one of the major league hitters in the family of selves that live within each of us. In this book, Cynthia brings clarity as to how the Perfectionist operates, the mischief it can cause in our personality and, most importantly, she shows us how to deal with our perfectionism in everyday life. This book will serve both health care givers as well as the general public and we strongly recommend it to you. -- Hal Stone Ph.D. and Sidra Stone Ph.D., Authors, Embracing Our Selves, and Embracing Your Inner Critic

This touching and heartfelt book will delight perfectionists and those who love them. Dr. Curnan is one of those rare teachers who walks her talk. I highly recommend it. -- William Collinge, Ph.D., Author, Subtle Energy: Awakening to the Unseen Forces in Our Lives

From the Publisher

Trying to be the Super Mom? Super Executive? Super Volunteer? Super Partner? And maybe more than one -- without the fear of failing? Psychotherapist Cynthia Curnan Ph.D. suggests that it's more...much more than just balancing schedules or saying 'no' more often or coping with not enough time. It may be the out-of-control Perfectionist in us that is sabotaging the very things we set our minds to do. Do any of these scenarios ring true?

* You have a full time job and family commitments but they ask you to take on a major position in your womens group. How can you say 'no' but now you're panicked about getting all the work done. * You're burnt out in your job and are seriously thinking about a career change, but you're terrified about making a mistake. * You just met someone you feel totally in-sync with. Instead of letting the relationship evolve naturally (warts and all), you are determined to hide what you consider your flaws or weaknesses. * You've always wanted to paint but have never taken any art classes because you feel you won't be good enough.

If they do, you may be a 'closet perfectionist' limiting your capacity to enjoy life more fully. There are answers to identifying, accepting and coping with your Perfectionism allowing it to work for you, not against you.

Perfectionism has long been considered an isolated trait, and surprisingly little has been written on the subject. In THE CARE AND FEEDING OF PERFECTIONISTS, California psychologist Cynthia Curnan shares her discoveries, both personal and clinical, about this driving force so prevalent in human nature. Writing with honesty and insight, Dr. Curnan details the problem of perfectionism and also the possibilities for transformation when the condition is recognized and understood.

"This book is not about stripping away perfectionism," writes Dr. Curnan. "It is about sorting through it to find the aspects that hurt us and the ones that can help us. For when we let go of the parts that hurt us, they are replaced by what seem like miracles."

Perfectionism is not just about over achievement: some of the most severe perfectionists are underachievers because the fear of failure is too great to try something new. Perfectionism prevents intimacy, limits self-realization, inhibits the creative process, and causes the individual to not reach, or to overreach to achieve desires. Addiction, in all its forms, is one of the most prevalent consequences of perfectionism.

THE CARE AND FEEDING OF PERFECTIONISTS distinguishes nine types of perfectionism, giving the most likely childhood causes and the specific underlying fears associated with each type. It guides readers to identify and counteract their unique perfectionist subpersonalities, so that their innate human urge to seek excellence in accomplishments may become free to express itself. Dr. Curnan outlines effective ways to master perfectionism, so that the reader may find deeper self-acceptance, a greater capacity to give and receive love, and a surer sense of being able to achieve personal and professional aims. Using these methods, she and her clients (some of whose stories appear in the book) have experienced a gradual lifting of deep-seated fears, a reclaiming of youthful vigor, and an abiding sense of life as a joyful adventure.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 196 pages
• Publisher: North Star Publications (MA) (October 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1880823217
• ISBN-13: 978-1880823217
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.3 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,649,552 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Some useful insights for perfectionists, July 25, 2001

By 

"stone4" (Orem, UT United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Care and Feeding of Perfectionists (Paperback)

The author of this book has been through a long journey toward learning to deal with her perfectionism. Her book contains her personal story, her insights into perfectionism and how to deal with it, stories of her perfectionist clients, and references to inner guidance. Of all the content in this book, I found her delineation of the nine types of perfectionism most helpful. However, the book feels more like a series of ruminations rather than a well-developed program toward recognizing and overcoming one's perfectionism. While the content is useful and insightful, it is not well-organized, which makes it difficult to read and apply. Expect to read parts of this book several times to really understand how it might apply to your life.

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great coverage of a painful life position to recover from, May 24, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Care and Feeding of Perfectionists (Paperback)

This book is an in depth thought provoking look at perfectionism and all its various disguises. After reading the book I have been able to change long and difficult relations with co-workers into more realistic fulfilling interactions. Being able to name the source of my unhappiness as perfectionism has given me so much freedom and empowered me to change my perspective on myself and others.....it is about learning to care for oneself with compassion rather than with the harsh yardstick that the perfectionist uses. I heartily recommend this text, it enables one to see the light and make changes immediately... and it is written in a most interesting and engaging manner....hope this author writes more books in the future.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Perfect Book for Perfectionists, September 29, 2000

By 

Mark Valentine (Port Angeles, WA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Care and Feeding of Perfectionists (Paperback)

Even if you are not a perfectionist, you need to read this book because you know someone who is and she or he needs your love and understanding.

If you think you might be a perfectionist but are not sure, you need to read this book because it will clarify and delineate just what perfectionism can do or undo.

But if you are a perfectionist, read this book twice, and then again. Curnan's easy prose style and her insight into the nature of the problem of perfectionism makes this a handy, practical guide for thousands (or at least, for you). She identifies nine different types of perfectionists; types that overlap on each other, but all have common roots in the drive for power and control (and the helplessness of lack of control in the flipside). She offers practical advice and wisdom in working through and out of perfectionism.