Customer Reviews

The Caregiver's Compass: How to Navigate with Balance & Effectiveness Using Mindful Caregiving

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Nicely done book on how to apply life coaching principles to stay balanced during the difficult moments of caregiving, based on the author's own experience with her mother and as a life coach. I especially like her matrix for weighing what various activities cost in terms of time, money, energy, and what they return for you and the person you're caring for.

Holly Whiteside's book is ostensibly about caregiving, and it certainly works as such. (In fact I wish I had it 25 years ago when I was struggling to deal with my mother's decline.) But "The Caregiver's Compass" is actually a manual on self-awareness, on mental attention, on mindfulness -- AND its application to caregiving. For this reason it's as useful to me now when I can relate it to a broad range of human experience - from embracing fear or risk, to dealing with anger or grief, to caretaking of myself. For this reason I think this book under-promises and over-delivers.

Ms. Whiteside is a writer as well as a life coach and experienced caregiver, and brings a simplistic but effective, holistic approach to the subject of caregiving. She makes the distinction, early on, that caregivers can be near or far; indeed, a relative thousands of miles away, arranging care and making important decisions on a patient's behalf, is no less of a caregiver than the individual who is on site dealing with the patient's daily needs.

The book sets out basic concepts of caregiving, perhaps the most important of which include dealing with the myriad of emotions that come into play. Readers are encouraged to relate each short, no-nonsense chapter to their own situation, by writing down their feelings about the subject in a "caregiver's journal" which the author considers a vital tool. Concepts such as self-care, pre-grieving, asking for help when needed, and knowing when to let go are handled in a straightforward, honest manner, covering bases that might otherwise get overlooked in a caregiver's overburdened life. The author also relates her own experiences as a caregiver and as the one receiving care after a cancer diagnosis years before.

An excellent, recommended resource that can be a comfort to those needing guidance or reinforcement that they are doing their best for their loved one. Four caring stars out of five.

- Bob Lind, Echo Magazine

The Caregiver's Compass is an excellent guide both for those who are already primary caregivers and for those who know it's right around the corner. The design is very helpful, including an index for quick reference, lists of additional readings that might be useful, and many personal examples that make it easy to relate to the issues and suggestions.

This book is, itself, an example of mindful caregiving...from its warm and supportive tone to its practical delivery of a difficult message.

Thank you, Ms. Whiteside!

Whiteside blends theory with much practical help in this well-written and thoughtfully-designed book. Each concept is presented in only two pages, a good meal but not too much to digest at one time.

Care givers with a background in basic psychology will especially benefit from Whiteside's advice. Readers without that knowledge will benefit from later chapters. Also people being cared for can understand from this book what effective care-givers do.

The author's six chapters include concepts about making choices, directing one's thinking, and choosing communication strategies. She advises caregivers to welcome life changes and to deal rightly with emotions while caring for own well-being (a most important concept). She ends the book with ideas on how to apply the principles for effectiveness, and how to live after care-giving ends. Care givers will learn to develop a healthy balance as they care for someone with love, understanding and acceptance.

Whiteside is a life-coach, a care givers coach and a writer. She cared for her mother for ten years so speaks from experience as well as from her education.

Unlike other caregiver books, this isn't depressing or overwhelming. It's comforting, and then it goes on to give you real ways to feel better. It covers just about every topic you can think of. And it's written in small bites. It doesn't take much time and it gives back energy. I would recommend The Caregiver's Compass to anyone I care about who needs a boost during caregiving.

This is a true compass for the oceanic ride of caring for others and steering your own ship safely, thoughtfully and positively. The author's own journey is highlighted at times with vignettes that resonate with the many emotions that go with the territory and suggest new possibilities for us. Although I wish this had been available to me during my Mother's later years, I believe her message to be broad enough to companion us well in many areas of our life journey. I would highly recommend this wonderful book.

As a geriatric care manager serving TN, GA and AL, I found this book well written and an excellent resource for caregivers and professionals alike. I have strongly recommended to my clients that they purchase and read this book, once for understanding and then, placed on a coffee table for continuous reference. I look forward to hearing and reading more from Holly.

Shon Ingram
Geriatric Care Manager
[...]

Organized in two parts and seven chapters, the first part overviews three mindful caregiving principles--being present, shifting communications, and welcoming change. The second part applies these principles to three parts of a caregiver's experience--emotions, well-being, and effectiveness.

Author, Holly Whittelsey Whiteside applies fifteen years of life-coaching principles to caregiving, while illustrating with excerpts from her journal as decade-long caregiver to her mother who initially lived alone and then moved into an assisted living community.

First, Whiteside emphasizes the need to be "present" and "self-aware." This means that we listen attentively; fully engaged in what the other person is saving. When we're distracted or try to move forward without focus and clarity of thought, unexpected outcomes may surprise us and cause us to get angry. When this happens, Whiteside advises that we not minimize our feelings but embrace and understand our anger; so that we can move forward.

By being present, we can be more aware of changing how we "think" and "speak" about our experiences. One way to accomplish this is to try and understand how it may be to live in the world as our care recipient. How we communicate will affect how we navigate the caregiving journey, which impacts our well-being. How we "label" our experiences will determine how we experience it. We can choose to be happy. Holly writes of how she found ways to laugh on demand. For example, while running errands she'd sing old love songs to herself in an Elmer Fudd voice, like "Fwy me to de moooon." She adds: I laughed till I "cwied" and almost went off the "woad." She offers a helpful tool--"Housecleaning for Self-Connection Matrix" in order to maintain balance between your needs as a caregiver and the needs of your care recipient.

Whiteside's decision to care for her mother was not easy. Coming from a self-described difficult childhood, she writes: (paraphrased): To care "for" Mom, I had to care "about" her. These two words bear significance for many challenged caregivers. Imagine how differently you'll care for someone, once you decide to care about him/her.

The Caregiver's Compass applies to other aspects of our lives as well. Whatever you endeavor that may cause uncertainty and with it a worrisome fear (a major life decision to retire, move, take on a new job, learn a new skill-Whiteside explains, takes us out of the present moment into a future that has not yet happened and therefore does not serve us. She provides exercises (as she does after every principle) for us to identify our fear and then let it go accepting that the future holds unknowns.

Caregivers should read, digest, and apply one principle before applying the next one. In about one month, a busy and overwhelmed caregiver can receive daily nourishment and coaching to transform his/her experience. Support group facilitators can also guide support group members in the application of one principle at a time.

Reviewed by Brenda Avadian, MA
Editor, The Caregiver's Voice Book Review

Anyone dealing with difficult problems and relationships will benefit from reading and utilizing this excellent, thoughtful and encouraging book. For caregivers it is an extremely well-written resource, a support, a gift to help understand and manage their own emotions.

The Caregivers Compass is filled with positive advice and practical applications of the principals so gently stated. The book will assist any caregiver in surviving the difficulties of their position.

These chapters present wonderful ways to learn and grow through the sometimes burdensome, often enriching experience of meeting a loved one's needs.


© Zena Caulley, Minister's widow and experienced caregiver of fifty-eight years. (of her Mother and mate)