Customer Reviews

Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love

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This is the update version of her original Caring For Your Own Dead and what I said about that book applies here. Lost count of the number of copies of this book I have bought, but I love giving it as a gift, and have used it myself actually when helping friends build plain pine burial boxes and oak burial boxes for loved ones.

It is a subject that needs to be discussed more, since so many people assume that ONLY a funeral home that charges thru the nose in prices, can legally handle a body or a funeral and burial. Fact is nothing could be further from the truth. The book discusses each states laws, along with what family and loved ones need to know about getting tansport permits to get the body of a loved one either home from the hospital, and prepared for a service and burial or to a local cemetary or cremation facility for handling. And the new edition has updated info on state to state laws.

Fact is my Grandma Katy who grew up in rural Montana knew all about washing and dressing family members and the whole life to death process and that death and burial need NOT be a scary and uneasy thing to take part in. The author discusses all the myths of handling the dead, and all the misconceptions people have about death and dying. Personally I cannot think of a more loving gift than welcoming a new life into the world and helping a loved on who has exited this world.

This book and the classic The American Way Of Death by Jessica Mitford are MUST reads for anyone who is mature, thoughtful and not so easy swayed to handing all their personal needs over to strangers. Ceasar Chavez' family made his plain pine burial boxes. The Amish make all their own burial boxes and have for centuries. Locally we made our friends Bea Brickeys plain pine box per her wishes.

Bill Cosbys family buried their beloved son who had been murdered, at their home. And the Amish, some Quakers and a number of Sierra Club members I know have all done the "home funeral", so the idea that you the average citizen cannot do what the Amish and the wealthy do for their own loved ones, is just not true. Read the book if for no other reason that to learn something new.

This book should be given to every person whose parents are still alive! No kidding. When you need this book most, you're least likely to buy it because you'll be paralyzed with grief and not thinking straight. Know what you're going to be up against -- before you're up against it! I wish Hospice would make this available to families of its patients. While death is an uncomfortable topic for anyone, Lisa Carlson makes dealing with final arrangements so very easy and understandable. She gives you the options that the professionals will conceal. She empowers you to make the best financial decision for your loved one and your family. I can't praise this book and its author highly enough. If you know someone whose family member (or partner) is dying, do them a HUGE favor and buy it for them. They'll thank you later.

This book is a must-read before you pre-buy your funeral and accoutrements. Caught planning someone else's funeral? Take time to read this book. This book has a load of legal information and practical advice to keep you from being scammed by those who are pros and have a ready audience in grieving people.

Not all funeral homes are devious. Some, no doubt, are very ethical and take the time to be fair with clients. But a time of grief isn't the time to seriously look into whether a home is trustworthy or not.

What you have been lead to believe about funerals and the law may not be accurate. This book is a real eye-opener!

In "Caring for the Dead," Lisa Carlson provides both an informative guide to DIY funerals and cremations, as well as a searing exposé of the funeral and cemetery industries.

Carlson divides her book into three sections: "Personal Stories" is a 40-page introduction to the text in which different individuals (including Carlson) discuss their experiences with death and the subsequent disposal of the dead; "General Information" consists of 14 chapters and explains both "traditional" and non-traditional funerals, as well as cremation and body and organ donation; finally, "Caring for the Dead" details the relevant laws and regulations of all 50 US states.

It was the "General Information" section that I found most captivating. I've never had to arrange a funeral (and hopefully I won't need to for some time yet!), so I was woefully unaware of what actually takes place during the course of planning and implementing one. Carlson demonstrates how greed and callousness have pervaded the funeral and burial industries, causing prices to skyrocket while sales tactics plummet to new levels of depravity.

Through manipulative techniques and downright lies, funeral directors convince John Q. Public that embalming is both required by law and essential for public safety (in reality, it is neither, and the chemicals used are actually toxic to the environment), while cemeteries strong-arm consumers into paying maximum price for a minimum amount of real estate, all the while demanding that any upgrades be purchased, installed, and maintained solely by them (for a hefty fee, of course!). Even cremations don't come cheap, as crematories guilt-trip survivors into buying expensive caskets (which will simply be destroyed within days) and cemeteries deceive them into buying niches in which to "bury" the cremains.

While this is all quite appalling, it hardly comes as a surprise; after all, it's just another example of capitalism at its worst. Harder to comprehend is how funeral homes and cemeteries are allowed to get away with this sort of crap! Well, again, I guess I shouldn't be shocked - we are talking about the FTC here. Like many savvy businesses, funeral homes and cemeteries simply band together in the form of associations, which then employ lobbyists, apply a modicum of political pressure, and top it all off with campaign contributions, and - presto! - the FTC at your command!

End of political rant, back to the book review!

In essence, the "General Information" section serves as an excellent consumer guide, informing you of your rights, detailing the immoral and sometimes illegal sales tactics you're likely to encounter, and teaching you how to come out victorious over those who wish to separate you from YOUR money and rob you of the valuable opportunity to care for YOUR dead, YOUR way. The final chapters on state-by-state laws offer an excellent supplement to the general information.

I highly recommend "Caring for the Dead" to EVERYONE, whether you anticipate planning a funeral in the near future or not. Many Americans are duped into buying funeral and burial services that they neither need nor want. Chances are that, sooner or later, we'll all be responsible for "caring for the dead," or will know someone who is. As consumers (it sounds rather crass, but `tis true!), we must arm ourselves with information so that we aren't caught off-guard when a death does occur. After all, we shouldn't expect those involved in the funeral business to look after our bests interests; the bottom line is that they're businesspeople who are concerned about their bottom lines! Educate yourself, and share your knowledge with your friends, your family, and anyone you know who's in the unfortunate position of having to arrange a funeral or cremation.

Another excellent book that deals with this subject is "The American Way of Death Revisited," by Jessica Mitford (to which Lisa Carlson contributed). Ms. Mitford deals with the subject in more of a muck-raking journalistic manner (as opposed to a consumer guide, as is "Caring for the Dead"), but it's a highly informative analysis of the "American death" nonetheless. After developing a sense of the funeral industry's antics in "Caring for the Dead," you'll appreciate Mitford's dry wit and humor in "The American Way of Death Revisited."

I had the earlier edition of this book, "Caring For Your Own Dead," as well as the most recent. Over the years, I've given both copies away to others.

The revised edition has a few extra essays by Carlson and others, but its bulk, and most important part, remains its state-by-state breakdown of mortuary laws. You may never again have to listen with a straight face while a Funeral Director tells you that the embalming and vaults are required by state law. She also lists cremation and burial societies in most states.

This book is clearly writtten, and details what is and what is NOT needed to bury one's own.

Our father was buried simply, no flowers, or any of what he would have called 'that show stuff'.

He would have approved of the no nonsense and guilt free approach of 'Caring for the Dead'.

One stop source for information in each state. Must have for planning the inevitable. Written by an author who really cares if your family gets ripped off.

Not only is the title right on, all the details, state by state, of dealing with the laws and the usual funeral system are right there. Can I bury her ashes in the back yard? (Not legally in lot of places, but the reality is no one will likely make a fuss of it unless there is family feud going on.) Is a funeral director required at the burial? (Not necessarily, but often you can make up your own service, invite him, slip him a C-note and say goodbye. Depends on your state.) And many more useful and practical bits of information.

"Caring" is practical, sensitive, and helps remove much of the confusion that goes on around family deaths in our culture.

But the law in your state may have changed since Caring came out in 1978. Double check now that it is 22 years later!

Anyone interested in the caring for their own after death should read this book. It is quite informative and includes information for all or our United States. I am looking forward to the next book by this author.

Caring for the Dead, written by the Exec. Director of the Funeral and Memorial Societies of America, explains death and funeral issues such as cremation, burials, cemeteries, caskets, and embaling. The book also discusses specific death and funeral practises for each state. Very helpful guide.
-- Jamieson Haverkampf,
Author of the 4-time-award winning 500+ resource guide: Mom Minus Dad
Mom Minus Dad: The Essential Resource Guide for Busy Adults with a Newly Widowed Parent