Cartwheels in a Sari: A Memoir of Growing Up Cult (Hardcover)

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Tamm's parents met in the Manhattan apartment of the guru Sri Chinmoy and quickly married each other at his insistence; when they violated his commandment not to have sex with each other, however, he regrouped by declaring that their daughter, Tamm, would become his greatest disciple. The cult leader was a skilled manipulator, and Tamm's descriptions of her internalization of his predation, constantly blaming herself for not feeling worshipful enough, are wrenching. The outward pressures were equally difficult: she was forbidden a college education and sent abroad when she was caught violating the cultwide ban on dating—and the first time she was banished from the group, she begged for readmittance. Tamm, now in her late 30s and a professor at Ocean County College in New Jersey, is unsparing in her account of the psychological damage Sri Chinmoy inflicted on her and her family, from her parent's loveless marriage to her half-brother's gleeful acceptance of the role of the guru's enforcer. She reveals the difficulties in shaking off the guru's influence—under which she had spent literally her entire life before her final expulsion—and though readers might wish to hear more about how she eventually regained her identity, the harrowing details of her story create a sense of emotional devastation that will linger. (Apr.)
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From Booklist

In this frank, clear-eyed memoir, Tamm recounts her youth as the chosen disciple of Sri Chinmoy, the wildly charismatic leader of a New York–based spiritual sect that counts celebrities and heads of nations among its millions of followers. “All of my childhood memories involve trying to obey and please guru,” Tamm writes, and with concise, absorbing detail, she describes her early years, spent playing board games such as “Disciple Chutes and Ladders” (“Did not meditate soulfully—Go back ten spaces”); her chaste but forbidden teen encounters with guys, after which the Guru reminds her, “The Supreme is your eternity’s boyfriend”; and a young-adult crisis that leads to a suicide attempt and, ultimately, her break with the cult. Tamm never sensationalizes the facts, and her narrative restraint only intensifies the emotional impact of each incident. Witty, compassionate, and often heartbreaking, Tamm’s story offers crucial insight into a cult’s inner workings and methods of indoctrination. All readers, though, will recognize universal coming-of-age themes as Tamm discards unwanted childhood lessons and begins to shape an independent adult life. --Gillian Engberg

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Harmony (April 14, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0307393925
• ISBN-13: 978-0307393920
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.9 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #315,522 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A great story! Riveting. , April 14, 2009

By	Rick (Maplewood, NJ) - See all my reviews

I loved the book. I found it fascinating on a number of different levels. First of all, just to learn about a "lifestyle" first hand that I never knew existed. Second, I think so many of us can relate to the idea that we are constantly searching for something (or someone) that helps to show our way in this world. I think those that succumb to what is described in the book are fascinating to hear about.

I loved the style of the writing - I was expecting a biographical type of book - but I loved the "creative non-fiction" style.

There were times when I was drawn by a sense of suspense, and certainly, at times, by an underlying sense of danger that I felt in certain parts.

I cried at the end. I am actually a bit haunted by the ending.

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Courageous, Beautifully Written Memoir, May 15, 2009

By	vabookreader "Jeff Hotz" - See all my reviews

In _Cartwheels in a Sari_, Jayanti Tamm sensitively describes her birth, childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood in Sri Chimnoy's inner circle as his lineage holder, chosen at birth. Tamm's book acknowledges from the start that "this memoir isn't the definitive account of Sri Chimnoy; it is my own remembrance," yet her honesty throughout makes this account both highly credible and extremely readable. The book details her own impressions from her earliest memories of "Guru" to her beginning doubts and loss of identity as she struggled to reconcile the contradictions she saw in Sri Chimnoy's personality and manipulations, with her, and her family's, pivotal role in his community.

The book begins before Tamm's birth, when her parents met one evening at a Sri Chimnoy center, married almost immediately on the orders of Chimnoy, and then had two children. As Tamm puts it, "The night, decades earlier, when they surrendered their lives to Guru, they unknowingly surrendered mine as well." The memoir unfolds so that we, as readers, see Sri Chimnoy first through a child's eyes, then from the point of view of an adolescent, and later in early adulthood to the present. Along the way, Tamm outlines her growing doubts and concerns about what she saw and her problem of having no one to confide in. People in the organization would report any sign of doubt or questioning back to Chimnoy, and Tamm had very few contacts with the outside world, hence the title "growing up cult." The problems and contradictions intensify, becoming almost inescapable.

For example, at one point, Tamm as an elementary school student hears Chimnoy ask in a sermon on a bus filled with disciples, "Could you not kill her?" in reference to Alo, one of Chimnoy's members. Tamm questions, "Nothing made sense. I must have misunderstood Guru." Then we see a precocious child's attempt to come to terms with this insane suggestion.

From Tamm's experiences growing up, a detailed, fascinating portrait of Sri Chimnoy and his operations gradually emerges. In the community he created, he represented himself as a spokesperson with god-like powers and direct access to God--knowledge of the "supreme." Among his disciples, he demanded obedience, reverence, and complete devotion. Meanwhile, to the external world, Chimnoy cultivated the image of an international leader for peace, going out of his way to develop contacts with famous people, from UN secretaries and other political leaders to movie stars and athletes. These associations would enable meetings with more celebrities, bolstering his legitimacy in the larger public.

As a final note, Tamm's book is very courageous. She discusses her own experiences frankly and does not wince from telling the truth, even when it is painful. We see the broken lives in the wake of Chimnoy's activities and the difficulties of starting over.

I highly recommend this book.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Memory lane, May 5, 2009

By	A "A" (Europe) - See all my reviews

The book made me remember why I joined the group, why I stayed for 20 years... and why I left.