Customer Reviews

How to Catch and Keep a Vampire: A Step-By-Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Ever wonder what special tricks Bella Swan used in order to capture the attention of Edward Cullen? Or just think that vampires in general are sexy, and you are dying to know how to win one for yourself. Then How to Catch and Keep a Vampire is just the self help book for you! Divided into amazing step-by-step chapters, readers are sure to find out what qualities one must work on in order to find their vampire love. With chapters such as, "What's a Vampire Got That My Boyfriend Hasn't Got?" and an in depth FAQs section, Laurence provides readers with all the tools needed to find your perfect partner.

This self-help type novel was a really fun quick read. It also includes an insightful (and humorous) look into why we are so attracted to these creatures of the night. Laurence's usage of humor and wit had me laughing at the extent that one can undergo to find their forever partners. This book will definitely please vampire lovers and humorous alike.

How to Catch and Keep a Vampire: A Step-By-Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful
by Diana Laurence

I received this book to review (not through Amazon Vine) and I was hoping for more of a fun/ funny read but that wasn't the case. This is a light, quick and different read. I normally read horror, urban fantasy, and thriller suspense novels so this really interested me for a change of pace.
The writing was well done, and I did like it, but I kept asking myself, "why is this so flat?" I felt the novel was missing something, perhaps it should be accompanied with another vampire novel. The title is self explanatory and an accurate description of the book. I will keep my eye out for this author's work, as I think she is talented and will have more good stuff to come.

Do you find yourself jealous of Sookie, Bella and Buffy? Do you think Tom Cruise, George Hamilton, Kate Beckinsale and Gary Oldman their sexiest when sporting fangs? Then How To Catch and Keep a Vampire: A Step-By-Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful is the book for you. Chemistry, what vampires look for in a mate, the effects of biting on the relationship, why you can never tame a vampire, and comparisons between vampy boyfriends and run-of-the-mill boyfriends.

With the help of some enchanting immortals, author Diana Laurence provides a all of the necessary elements one needs to find Mr. Vampire Right and it is not impossible as Ms. Laurence explains in the introduction:

Well, I'm here to tell you your longings for a bloodsucking companion are not in vain. And I will not be wasting your time with bad vampire puns like "in vein". You can meet a vampire, you can woo and win him, you can forge the kind of relationship you've dreamed of. You can catch and keep a vampire, because I'm going to tell you how.

The book is divided into ten chapters (including "Not Just Any Immortal Will Do" to "When You Start Thinking of Converting") which are scattered with actual case studies as well as her own story of going after the wrong vampire. There are also some FAQs of the undead concerning some of the most popular questions concerning vampires such as do they pay taxes and whether marriage is ever in their future. You will even discover why you are so attracted to these stalkers of night.

This book was great fun and a perfect read for Halloween. It is written as a serious self-help book with all of the tongue-in-cheek (or fang-in-jugular) humor needed for the subject matter. Ms. Laurence's experience as a paranormal romance writer shines and her witty writing balances serious with parody. Paranormal/romance/vampire fans will delight in this quick, entertaining read.

Please be sure to visit the How To Catch and Keep a Vampire Facebook page and website for more information on the book, the author and a chance to submit a question to join the panel discussion with the vampires that helped out in the book. Ms. Laurence also has her author site and recently shared thoughts on her book in an interview.

Diana Laurence is a talented and witty writer. This book was a hilarious read. Diana managed to mix some real vampire facts in with a lot of fun silliness in such an artful way.

I would only ask you to not seek out vampires. This could be downright dangerous. The online vampire community (OVC) is astoundingly huge and so is the real life community. Just like any community, there are psychopaths and sociopaths. And, never forget, vampires are predators.

KellyRedhead

This was a very funny book that somehow managed to straddle the line between serious dating guide and parody. Diana did a great job of presenting the realities of dating a vampire in a no-nonsence, practical method without ever veering into pure silliness. Inserting various 'case studies' from fellow vampirophiles of some of the possible pitfalls was a nice touch, and I especially liked the FAQs at the end of each chapter.

Think my favorite part of the book was the list of Top Ten Vampire Pickup Lines. I mean, really...what vampirophile could resist lines like Your irresistible loveliness called to me from across this Jiffy Lube waiting room or I can be your Lestat, your Edward, your Bill...only better?

All in all, this was a fast, enjoyable, humorous read that I would recommend to any and all paranormal lovers out there. Gave it a 4 out of 5.

I've always wanted to meet a vampire. Not the poser kind that say they drink blood because they think it makes them look cool. I want to meet a real, true immortal vampire. I even had this dream before liking vampires was cool. I had people laugh at me when they found out that I was serious with my vamp fascination. Now that Twilight has come out, tons of people want to meet one. They're stealing my thunder! LOL. Just kidding. But seriously, if you meet a real vampire, please send them my way!

I feel like this book was written for me. I've often wondered why I am so attracted to the undead. Especially because I used to be an angel. Seriously, I was 19 before I did something that my parents would consider "wrong". I was a boring, goody goody. Yet I was obsessed with creatures of the night. I've already met the love of my life, so now the only way I'll have a relationship with a vamp is someone turns him. Luckily, he's like me and shared my fascination of things that go bump in the night. This is an awesome book that helped me realize a lot about why I feel the way I feel. So go read it:)

Diane Lawrence's new book, How to catch and keep a Vampire is a delicious comic guide book for all Vampire lovers (and you know who you are...) everywhere. Comic yes and yet, as you read on, you become more and more convinced of their existence. Three quarters of the way in, as Lawrence writes of the "red satin ribbon" I found myself... debating, wondering... if maybe I should... internally arguing the morality of a happily married woman tempting such fate! It took a few moments to snap back into this sad Vampire less world to realize, "oh wait! There are no such things..." sigh!
Mr. Lawrence writes with intelligence, wit and imagination on a subject that many might have had more than enough with. She brings to the table a fresh take on an ancient obsession and is brilliant in explaining why we are still fascinated by "the bad and the beautiful", that darker aspect of our psyche we try so hard to cover up.
Written in language and imagery nicely muted for a younger audience, this new spin on the subject of Vampires will not disappoint.

Con Pappalardo

Diana Laurence wrote a fabulous guide to loving and dating vampires. The subtext on the introduction hooked me. "You tell me you want to date a vampire. My reply: Well, naturally!" Written with humor and sharp wit, I laughed out loud reading this entirely too many times. Ripe with rules, case studies, and stories of her own personal pitfalls of dating vampires and mortals (you can and are encouraged to do both at the same time), I think this would be the perfect complement to any vampire aficionado's bookshelf. And if you're stubborn like me, read this first and prepare to max out credit cards purchasing Twilight and Sookie :) The presentation of the book is also great, with some some red contrasting nicely with the black and white standard pages.


Let me admit that, Buffy notwithstanding, I've never touched a vampire novel. I've never seen the Twilight movies, or watched true Blood. I don't know why I've shyed away from them. But Holly is enamored and has been nagging me to read them for months because she adores them so. So when this was offered from Shelf Awareness, it looked like a humorous book that could potentially lead me to Holly (and the rest of America's) side of things, and I told her if I loved it that I'd look into Sookie or Twilight. Turns out? Holly wasn't wrong, and True Blood has been playing on my OnDemand for five hours now. Now back to the book. Adored it. Cover to cover, devoured in three hours. Pardon the pun. Grab this book, it's adorable!

Wear a red ribbon on your right wrist to attract attention from a good vampire, and you'll be in for a treat as you learn many offbeat facts about the deliciously bad boys in this tongue-in-cheek dating guide. Among my favorites: "They lower their chins and look out the tops of their eyes very frequently, which is fine, because that trick never gets old. They also wear dress shirts with the cuffs turned up a lot." "And, by the way, the subtly different tastes of blood types are discernible to the undead: they all have their preferences, and AB-neg is quite a culinary delicacy." "Photographing a vampire works just fine with today's digital cameras. But believe me, it was a problem in the old days with film cameras, something to do with silver being part of the technology." And finally, we hear the story of the vampire Colin who was reading "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" when author Diana Laurence met him, for the reason that "a friend suggested it was a good reminder of what it's like to get in trouble for eating what one shouldn't." This cleverness of this book is a delight!

Ever wanted to catch a sexy vampire? Well now you can! This step-by-step guidebook will help you sniff out those badass bloodsuckers that most of us love. From the first line I was quickly engaged in Diana's tactics in catching a vampire. I read most of it on the train and would literally look around to look for vampire "signs." Call it crazy but Diana's persuasive writing really makes you think vampires exist. I'd love to meet an Edward or Damon one day, but do they really exist? Who knows. If you are a vampire addict and need a book to help you fulfill your needs then this book is for you. Overall, How to Catch and Keep a Vampire was a fun read and I really enjoyed it!