Customer Reviews

Celebrating Interfaith Marriages: Creating Your Jewish/Christian Ceremony

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I must admit, as a near atheist raised as a Catholic I was a bit skeptical when first presented with Rabbi Lerner's book. It was soon after that my skepticism ended. It's everything I didn't expect in a "how to" book that tackles the difficult issues of combining a Jewish and Christian marriage ceremony. Celebrating Interfaith Marriages was a rich, warm book that turned into (no pun intended and with tongue firmly implanted in cheek) our bible.

As an advertising copywriter I can say definitively that the style and way this book is written is not only excellent, but it follows a very conversational tone that made it very easy for me to enjoy. It is well constructed, often witty, and not once did I ever feel I was being preached to, or told it our wedding had to be done in a certain manner.

What's more, Rabbi Lerner fills her book with many different perspectives, solutions and resources. She culls from her experiences, draws from that of others, and puts forth a great deal of outstanding ideas and scenerios to help you through what can often be a very trying and difficult endeavor.

We certianly couldn't have had the wedding we wanted, nor would our wedding have been the resounding success it was, without this book. I highly recomend it to anyone attempting an interfaith marriage. It will serve as an invaluable resource, and most importantly, provide you with considerable inspiration.

This book had an extraordinarily positive impact on the creation of our wedding ceremony. It made what could have been a very difficult task, a thought-provoking, meaningful and bonding experience. My wife, Nancy, is a Jesuit- educated Italian American Catholic and I am Jewish. Her family is large and mine very small. This book provided us with options we could use in creating a wedding ceremony that was respectful of both our traditions and our families. It helped us to understand the meaning behind each other's rituals. We were then able to make choices that were appropriate for both of us. One of the nicest things about this book was its ease of use. A wedding celebration is already a complex event without having to integrate two different traditions. The book was laid out in such a way that we were able to ascertain relatively quickly the options available to us in creating "our" ceremony.

Since no one book is going to cover everything, I got a bunch, including Diamant's "The New Jewish Wedding" and Hawxhurst's "Interfaith Wedding Ceremonies." Lerner's was the most helpful by far. I'm a Reformed Jew and my wife is Baptist, and with Lerner's book we were able to create a ceremony that was both beautiful and respectful/traditional to both religions. The book is clear in thought, and offers many different passages/readings to choose from for each part of the service. I guess Diamant's book would've been okay if my wife was going to convert to Judaism, which was never a consideration for either of us, otherwise, it was too orthodox in thought. Stick with Lerner's book -- clearly the best of the lot.

As someone who creates custom, personalized ketubot (Jewish wedding contracts), I have long sympathized with a tentative question over the phone asking if I am open to creating an interfaith ketuba. In addition to the reality that a relatively small number of rabbis perform interfaith ceremonies, I have become aware that many ketuba artists will not work with interfaith couples to create a personalized ketuba for them. The fact that someone is asking the question tells me that they have already experienced the slamming of doors in their quest to celebrate their marriage to the partner of their choice.

My heartfelt response to such a question is that I would rather be part of a process that is open to their choices, to their commitment to maintain some of the rituals from their heritage, and to their future. The more open, welcoming, and responsive we are ... the more positive and loving we make the experience ... the sweeter the taste that is left in their memories ... the more likely that both the Jewish and non-Jewish partner will feel comfortable and eager to turn toward fostering Jewish practices in their home, both for themselves and for their children.

So when recent ketuba clients told me how wonderful their experience was in meeting with Rabbi Devon Lerner and how helpful it was to read her book, "Celebrating Interfaith Marriages," I knew I had to find out more. When I discovered that we are practically neighbors, I read her book in preparation for a personal meeting. I was drawn in to Lerner's presentation from the beginning. The pervading sense throughout is one of acceptance and non-judgment. How refreshing!

There is no assumption that the couple will adopt only Jewish practices in their home. Rather, there is an acknowledgment that they are seeking to find their way through the dilemmas they are bound to face. Lerner's discussion can help open doors for couples, providing them with guidance as they seek to answer questions large and small. She urges couples to come to terms with feelings about how they will raise their children before they tie the knot, rather than waiting until the time comes. In a non-judgmental way, she provides sensitive commentary on why certain religious themes in one partner's background may be uncomfortable for their intended spouse. Lerner's guidance demonstrates just how important it is for interfaith couples to share their thoughts and feelings, come to terms with them, and work together, either themselves or with a counselor, to make decisions about their future life together. What is important to Lerner is that both partners have a spiritual component in their lives that allows them to believe in a higher power, whatever it is called and however they find it, be it through religious belief, nature, meditation, running, or some other avenue.

Once a couple decides to move forward, Lerner's sensitive guidance will help couples select an officiant, learn about traditions from a variety of religious backgrounds, and create a ceremony that is meaningful and inclusive. With the help of "Celebrating Interfaith Marriages," couples should, indeed, find source material that will help them focus on the celebration of their union.

It is challenge enough to plan a same-faith wedding in today's world. The celebration of an interfaith marriage can be positively daunting. Not only are different faith perspectives involved, but there is often ignorance, if not suspicion of each other's faith. Rabbi Lerner has obviously led many couples through their interfaith wedding planning. She combines a warm pastoral sensitivity for people embarking on a new marriage and she brings a wealth of practical information and knowledge of different faith traditions. Combine this with many useful resources for a couple preparing for their wedding and you have a WINNER. This book will not only help couples starting an interfaith marriage, it could prove a useful resource to all couples planning any kind of wedding.

The time to buy this book is when you've already done your interfaith relationship counseling, when you've already met each other's families. While the book gives you subtle reminders of things you've already discussed, the true focus of this is to help you create a ceremony for your wedding - A ceremony that keeps in mind the feelings and beliefs of both sides of your union. What a wonderful help this has been for my fiancee and I, who have struggled to put together our upcoming ceremony. After all, its important to remember that the ceremony is the most important part of your wedding, not the party afterwards. Rabbi Lerner gives actual examples of ceremonies that others have successfully performed. She also describes fully what certain parts of Catholic/Christian and Jewish ceremonies mean, and when they are performed. Pick the book up, its worth your time, and will help you get through the tough spots!

I am Catholic and my fiance is a Reform Jew. We just recently began planning our interfaith ceremony. I met with my local parish priest who all but condemned our relationship and was not willing to compromise in making the ceremony welcoming to all. I left that meeting in tears. That afternoon, I bought this book and read it in two days. Rabbi Lerner fully supports interfaith marriages and does an excellent job of discussing why different customs are practiced. After reading her book, I was hopeful and optimistic that my fiance and I could create a ceremony that fully and equally celebrated both of our faiths.

Rabbi Lerner explains every detail of the ceremony, providing for different options and encouraging couples to individualize their ceremony. The book does tend to lean toward the Jewish persepctive, which only makes sense, but she also is as diplomatic as she can be in including traditions from Catholicism and other Christian faiths. This book also helped me see why Jews do what they do.

I recommend this to anyone who is planning an interfaith wedding and marriage. My fiance has read the book, and now we are going to recommend it to both sets of parents to read. It is hopeful, supportive, and open minded.

I was a little hesitant to buy this book, as I am not Christian. My fiance is Jewish, and I was looking for a book that would help me incorporate some non-denominational aspects and work out a ceremony that included some of his traditions without causing me to say things I don't necessarily believe. This book was excellent for that purpose. In addition to having good, honest, discussion about how rabbis and Judaism handle interfaith marriages, it offers 8-10 different ways to handle each part of a marriage ceremony, as well as passages from poems and scripture which are suitable. It gives several sample ceremonies as well.

The best part is, despite the subtitle, this book does not limit itself to Jewish/Christian ceremonies. There are non-denominational suggestions, Native American passages, and passages from cultures all over the world. While there is some focus on Christian services versus Jewish services, I found that helpful so that I knew what people were or were not expecting. The book is definitely helpful regardless of your faith.

I read several books about creating your own wedding ceremony from multiple backgrounds, but this book was the most helpful. Buy it, and then use the other ones as references only.

I was asked to officiate for my brother (who grew up Jewish) and his fiance (who grew up Protestant), as neither of them are religious, but wanted to have a wedding that both families would feel comfortable with. After getting ordained online, I had a huge challenge ahead of me - how to do something beautiful, personal, and would make everyone happy. Well, this book did it for me! It's about 1/3 explanations on wedding ceremonies and things to be aware of that could be sensitive to either side, 1/3 sample ceremonies, and 1/3 a whole bunch of suggested pieces/readings/explanations under each ceremony component - 7 ideas you could use here, 4 ideas here... It made creating their ceremony a breeze, eliminating many of the expected arguments/discussions, and led to a beautiful ceremony. Thanks Rabbi Lerner!!!

I bought this book, largely on the reviews I read, that mostly raved. I was really not disappointed. What I liked most about this particular interfaith wedding guide was the emphasis on understanding why such traditions have been carried out by so many. It made me not only understand why my fiance needs to break a glass, but really want to incorporate it into our ceremony.
I understand a fair amount of Judiasm, but this book really topped off my knowledge, and made me stop worrying about missing out on the big Catholic Mass, but to embrace what a unique and special occasion this can be! I think this is a great buy to help you plan your interfaith wedding, and marriage.