Celibate Wives: Breaking the Silence [Paperback]

Joan Avna (Author), Diana Waltz (Author)

Product Details

• Paperback: 248 pages
• Publisher: Lowell House (March 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1565651227
• ISBN-13: 978-1565651227
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,331,873 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Joan Medlicott was born and raised on St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands. She lives with her husband in the mountains of North Carolina. Visit her website at www.joanmedlicott.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

34 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Good Place To Start, November 5, 2000

By 

Linda Rader - See all my reviews

This review is from: Celibate Wives: Breaking the Silence (Paperback)

Every woman in this book expected frequent and fulfilling sex in her marriage. But they have been in sexless marriages from 5, 10, even 20 years. Joan Avna and Diana Waltz were inundated with responses from women who kept their embarrassing secret for years while they were writing Celibate Wives.

Women blame themselves first. They felt the problem was their responsibility to fix. And they all felt they had the power to change their husbands. Some of their stories were striking:

He'd say, "Don't touch me; get away from me." We on sleeping in the same bed. There were times when I would reach for him and he would kick my legs hard. I just accepted what he did. I think I felt I didn't deserve better.

I fell nobody gets a free ride in life. We don't have everything we want, and if sex is what we lose in order for him to stay healthy a few more years, my God, it's a small price to pay.

Adjusting to a new city, my husband gone a lot, plus the illness of my daughter, overwhelmed me to the point where having sex was the last thing I wanted to do.

There are numerous reasons why a marriage may be come sexless. Illness is one. Certain surgeries or medications make sex difficult. However there are other marriages in which half the time the husband calls it quits and the wife is left without a reason.

Avna and Waltz's interviewees listed a wide range of reasons why sex ended:

1. Mismatched sex drives, one partner having a higher or lower drive than the other, also known as desire discrepancy disorder (DDD). 2. Infidelity, once or repeated times 3. Emotional, verbal or physical abuse 4. Illness, whether physical or mental. 5. Celibacy freely chosen as a means toward spiritual growth 6. Loss of respect for a spouse 7. Same-sex preference acknowledged 8. Inhibited sexual desire (ISD), loss of interest in sex due to life change or crisis 9. Fear of intimacy 10. Low sex drive shared by both partners

When celibacy is not the choice of the wife she mourns the loss of a meaningful part of her life. The often go through a period of overwhelming emotions that puzzles and frightens them. At times they rage with anger, cry in despair, or so depressed they feel themselves just crawling through life without the energy for normal activites.

These are the normal stages of grief that Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced to society in the 1970's. She identified the five stages of grieving as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The lose of sex in your life is akin to the loss of a vital part of yourself.

Celibate Wives does offer solutions to the problems. How to work on your sex life. When to decide to leave. What to do if you decide to stay.

The most important part is to break away from denial and face that the problem exists. Women are sexual beings. They have a right to feel as they do.

Finding a friendly forum in which to share your feelings may help some women. Your local church, community center, women's center, or YWCA might be willing to start a celibate wives self help group. Talking and offering support is very important to a woman in a celibate marriage. Reading Celibate Wives, by Ana and Waltz is a place to start.

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Celibacy and marriage, July 13, 2000

By 

S. Augustine (Elyria, OH USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Celibate Wives: Breaking the Silence (Paperback)

Every woman expects frequent, fulfilling sex in her marriage, but celibacy in a marriage is more common than you think. Avna and Waltz give three solutions for celibate marriages: putting the sex back into marriage, leaving a loveless marriage, and staying in a celibate, but otherwise fulfilling relationship.

The book shows women where they can turn for help, and helps bring you to point where you feel comfortable making a decision about your marriage.