Customer Reviews

Cerberus

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Being as this was a Sci-Fi original movie, and Sci-Fi Channel's reputation for churning out these kind of crappy movies all the time, I didn't expect much in the way of special effects quality or acting quality. But the end result was too much of a joke to even dismiss as "It's so bad it's good".


The plot is a convoluted mess failing to properly mix elements of Greek mythology, Hunnic history, and Christianity in an abortion of a myth involving a Celtic-looking Attila digging up a rusty sword and making an offering to Satan to make him a god and make his sword make him invincible. For some reason, Satan has Cerberus guard the sword and Attila's corpse in hell.

Then it extends into modern times, with a plot so poorly thought out using modern ideas like "nukes" and ransoming nations and drinking beer, you can't help but think someone here was fired from making spaghetti action films in the early 90s. A rich Asian man hires some empty-headed Americans to steal Attila's breastplate (which amounts to a thin sheet of metal so flimsy it could shatter at any moment) from a museum in some foreign country (as noted by their 'foreign accents'). Because of one of the idiotic American's trigger-happiness, an important potential hostage is killed, and so they have to kidnap another woman and her brother and use them to get to Attila's sword.


What little believable plot is left at this point simply fades away as it turns out this Asian guy mysteriously has a stockpile of nuclear weapons and yet plans on using the sword to threaten nations. The American mercenary who gets the sword starts acting like a drunken idiot, spouting the worst cliche' lines in history and randomly attacking people in some Transylvanian village tavern.


The actors are some of the worst pack you're likely to find outside of pornography, and the dialogue would make some porno movies look like Oscar-worthy performances. Most of the character's lines, especially the Americans, consist of terrible cliche's like "who let the dog out?" and such exchanges about Greek myth like:

American Woman: Orpheus tamed Cerberus using a lyre.
American Doofus: Don't look at me!


HAHAHA! STUPID PUNS!

The special effects are terrible, the ending horribly done, and all in all it was a bad way to spend a lonely Sunday afternoon in the middle of September.

Plot: Steal the sword of Attilla the Hun...unleash a 3-headed dog(made of BAD CGI) to wreak havoc amongst a village in the hills of BFE...bring in good guy and good girl to save the day...

OK, my take on this...

not really a BAD movie...typical plot line...BAD CGI...definitely not worth the $24 to spend on it...I can think of a LOT of other things to spend $24 bucks on...good for maybe 1/2 price rental...

but I actually did like it...would have been better if it had GOOD CGI...goes down as a "good" movie after drinking a few beers late at night

When Ray Harryhausen created Clash of the Titans, his monster plans included Cerberus, the three-headed dog. Animating three heads was a mammoth task for the stop-motion animators, so Harryhausen changed Cerberus to Dioskilos, Greek for two-headed dog - an unnecessary name change as Cerberus has also been depicted with just two heads. The monster's attack, which lasts a few minutes in Clash of the Titans, is still better than this Syfy original about Attila the Hun's Sword of Mars.

What, you expected a movie to be about the titular monster? It appears that Cerberus guards said sword and that whomever wields it becomes invincible. A maniac with a sword isn't very scary by today's standards, so the film does back flips to connect the villain searching for the sword (Garret Sato as Kul Jae Sung) with nuclear weapons. It seems Sung is an ex-North Korean general with some nukes and he's not afraid to use them. A U.S. team of agents, led by Jake Addams (Sebastian Spence), are on a mission to stop Sung from getting the sword, lest it unbalance his fragile state of mind so much that he chooses to use the nukes.

Follow that? It's pretty clear that since Sung has such delicate sensibilities, the agents' job is to keep him from having a bad day: Mission to Keep Sung's Shower Hot, the Mission so Sung Doesn't Get Too Many Stoplights on His Way to Work, and the Mission to Assassinate that Guy Who Didn't Say "Thank You" he Sneezed and Sung Said "Bless You." They must be really busy.

When head thug and U.S. turncoat Marcus Cutter (Greg Evigan) botches the acquisition of a different Attila artifact, Dr. Samanta Gaines (the gorgeous Emmanuelle Vaugier) is unwittingly pulled into this game of cat and also cat. To make matters worse, her idiot brother Zach (Brent Florence mumbling along) is taken hostage.

Throughout Cerberus is a smug streak where director and writer John Terlesky dares you to question the film's logic. Much dialogue is dedicated to justifying Attila's sword (it's true, there really was a Sword of Mars), how Attila was part of Roman mythology (partially true) and why Cerberus guards it (not true). The movie conflates Hell with Hades, substitutes a gothic-style modern sword for Attila's ancient blade, and generally hopes you're not paying attention to much of what's going on because if you stare at Cerberus funny the whole thing falls apart.

But we came to see a giant three-headed dog eat people, right? Cerberus falls flat in the monster department. One of the most unsettling things about Dioskilos was the barking of two dogs at different times. Put quite simply, you could close your eyes and know that the thing had two heads. Cerberus can't even get that right - we just get one loud bark. What we do get is what looks a bit like Scrappy Doo bounding awkwardly along. At least this Cerberus has a snake tail.

The problem is that the majority of the film isn't about Cerberus. It's about the invincible Cutter killing, raping, and pillaging his way through the local town. Cerberus can only be slain by the Sword of Mars (of course) so it's up to our hero to grapple the sword away from Cutter and kill the beast.

Cerberus is a monster movie that is rightfully ashamed of its monster. Which still leaves Dioskilos as top dog(s).

The scifi channel (as usual) manages to try and create a could-be-awesome movie and fails to deliver. They kinda sorta stuck true to the legend and all but everything is ruined by bad CGI, I recommend this movie only to scifi channel movie fans. Its hard rating this one, it'd be more like a 5/10.

I enjoyed this movie tremendously. I often wonder if men of power obtain their success by doing something unusual to obtain it.

The storyline made for a good 2 hours at least and they cut it way down and ruined it. They go from beginning to end very fast and theres not much time for character develoment or any development for that point. The story consernes a Mythology Expert Dr. Samantha Gaines(Emmanuelle Vaugier) and the anciant story of Attila's Magical lost sword. When a group of mercenaries working for a private collector who will pay a hansom price for the sword. but once the merc's ahve a clue to the location of the sword they raise the price of thier services before going completley a-wall and keeping the sword and its power for themselves. This of course really pisses of Cerberus, the gaurdian of hell and the magic bound protector of the sword So he goes on a feasting spree killing and eating everything he sees. Of course Dr. Gaines cant let this happen so she follows the mercenaries and attempts to steal back the sword and end the horrific curse. The film has few Good features due to its small budget an inexperianced director and a small group of amature producers. The acting in the film is sub-par especially considering the cast. The special effect are probebly the most lacking of it flaws as it looks like a computer generated hologram instead of a evil three headed dog. So if you like those sci-fi channel cheap goofs than you might actually sit through the entire film, however if you are a fan of such movies as Jaws or Anaconda, Its not for you at all.

Romania once again is the setting for this Sci Fi Channel movie based on a legend that I've never heard of. Seems Attila the Hun made a pact with the devil to conquer his enemies, and when he was killed on his wedding night, he was buried with his magic sword, that is guarded by Cerebrus, the legendary three headed dog from hell.
The shield/breastplate which maps the location of Attila's grave is stolen by a gang of thieves, headed by smarmy Greg Evigan. The curator is killed and one of his former colleagues, Emmanuelle Vaugnier, is heisted away to help the thieves, which they do by kidnapping her wayward brother. Vaugnier is rescued by hunky government agent Sebastian Spence, who along with his two heroic colleagues (Corey Michael Burke and director John Terlesky) attempt to beat the bad guys before they get the sword.
The effects are decent, though they'll set no standards for future movies, but it's all matinee adventure stuff and should entertain the genre fans.

The center of this movie's plot is a magic sword that makes whoever uses it invincible, which is a common theme in many fantasy movies where a magic item gives its possessor incredible powers. In this case the sword belonged to Attila, a terrible real-life warrior of the past, big enemy of the Roman Empire. Legend says that Attila made a pact with the devil that made his sword magic and granted Cerberus' protection, the huge three headed dog. Now, in our current times a mercenary group wants to find the sword. They initially steal Attila's armour that has hints to find his sword. That action makes them get involved with an historian, Dr. Samantha Gaines, who in turn gets the attention from a secret security group that goes where she goes, and the story develops. The name of the secret security unit is not said but left up to the viewer to name it, although it figures from the movie that it belongs to the USA government.

I didn't bother to make sure the specific claims about Attila's life stated in the movie were true, you can't expect accuracy from acommercial movie after all. Yet, I think this movie went less off than other big productions like "Scorpion King". For example, Cerberus belongs to the Greek and Roman mythology and Attila did have much things to do with the Romans; thus there's a decent link.

It's a bit curious that the actors who played the main characters Dr. Gaines and Jacke Addams (leader of the security group) are not mentioned below in the cast unless you ask the full cast. Gee, they mentioned several extras or people who play pedestrians or mob before her name. Well, in one scene she said "Does he has them?" where did she get her PhD? Or more exactly which school did the writers go to? But this was no reason to rank this movie so low as it has been.

People should pay attention to the Theatrical Release Information where it says the budget was mere 2 million. Thus, you should not expect a "Lord of the Ring" type movie with constant especial high quality effects. This is not so bad, too many special effects bore me sometimes and in fact I often feel some freshness in these small productions which are normally blasted in these reviews.

It was not very convincing that the mercenaries had to kill anybody or steal anything (especially with such easiness) to get the sword because Attila's suit only had clues, but one can imagine many explanations. The plot itself gets a bit more complex and interesting as the movie advances since an insane North Korea ex-general seeks the sword. The real biggest defect of this product is its current price of $24. I would be mad as well if I had paid that for that price which I don't even pay for movies I've been a lifetime fan of.

Steal a sword and unleach the devil ...there is a three headed dog and special effects straight out of sci-fi tv. The acting is not quite as good as a grade 4 drama class and basically we've all seen this type of film before.

Is it watchable ?? Yes but only if you're watching Television for the first time.


Please oh please dont see this...certainly your 1hr 32 mins can be better spent.


I'm the first to review this and certainly I hope to be the last to do so.