Customer Reviews

Chainsaw Dismemberment

5 star:		(21)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(32)

 

 

This is the first Mortician album I bought and I think it is also the last one.This is the worst metal album I have heard it is awful ! .The music of the 28 tracks is the same ,the vocals are horrible you cannot understand or hear what is the singer trying to say you just hear some moans.and I think my 7 year old brother could play better music the guys who play the guitar and bass don't have any idea of what deathmetal is .This is the lowest quality metal band in the world.This guys should quit music and start working in something else.I you want real metal should buy something of Slayer, Cannibal Corpse or Exhumed.If you buy this cd it is at your own risk!

Mortician do not make "music". They produce proffesional, inhumane, evil noise. Noise that is totally fun to listen to. The perfect c.d. to crank when you go houseboating with your friends. DECIMATE every other boat on the lake.

Mortician's philosophy is simple. "Music? EVERYONE makes music, that's lame".

Furthermore, anyone can get together with a Pro Tools pc, and just program a drum machine as fast as it will go, growl and play with totally downtuned guitars, but to get it to sound as disturbing and wreckless as Mortician?

No way. Mortician are total professionals. They make noise like no-one else.

Mortician are not trying to fool anyone. They are not trying to convince anyone that they have talent. They are trying to make your speakers (and your head) explode. And I say that's a noble goal.

That being said, Mortician are the AC/DC of death metal. They rock. Totally fun to listen to, especially with the bad B-movie horror samples.

Appreciating them is more of an intellectual thing, you have to have that kind of a sense of humor (and no they are not a joke, its not that easy).

I would advise anyone to buy a mortician c.d.

The noisier, the more down-tuned, the stupider, and in general the more completely ***king unlistenable, the BETTER.

BUY THIS C.D. YOU WON'T BE DISSAPOINTED.

These guys have (unfortunately) been around for quite awhile now. They have started building quite a rep in the underground for their "music". How they built this reputation is beyond me. When I first heard these guys several years ago I figured they were so bad they'd disappear. I was wrong. Will Rahmer and friends have released what, for all intents and purposes, sounds like the same album over and over again, only with different cheesy artwork each time. I consider myself an excellent guitar player who understands what it takes to play technical death metal, straight ahead brutal death, etc., but these guys sound like a blind kid with no hands is trying to play a guitar over an awfully programmed drum machine. The vocals are hysterical. The guy (I guarantee) is not saying what the lyrics say he is. He is making indecipherable grunts and probably writes the lyrics later. What a joke. The only people (as far as I can figure) who buy this are Korn fans trying to scare their parents even more! Hail Carcass. Hail Krisiun. Hail Emperor. Hail Dying Fetus. Hail Darkthrone. Hail Death. Hail Abramelin. F-ck this sh-t though. A disgrace to metal!

This is where music really hits rock bottom. This band is proof that even the world's biggest degenerates can get a record contract. This band consists of a drum machine pumping out 500+ blast beats per minute, two chord guitar riffs (What am I saying? There are no riffs on this record), and the most phoney Death metal vocals Iv'e ever heard. Woohoo! Oh, and in response to the reviewer from France I give him this comment: Marduk and Enthroned are light years ahead of these guys in regards to songwriting and musicianship. You'd have to be pretty strung out to find this band entertaining. Check out Immolation's "Close to a world below" instead. I personally find it superior in every area.

I love extreme metal, but Mortician just doesn't cut it. First of all, why use a drum machine? There are plenty of drummers out there that can match the speed of Mortician's computer (ex.: Nick Barker). Guitar-wise, it's heavy and unbelievably repetitive. Vocally, they illustrate why most people think growling and grunting is dumb. It can be a great thing if done properly, but the guy in Mortician just doesn't cut it. The final verdict: Buy some real death/black metal instead.

I wanted to check these guys out, since I enjoy listening to bands on Relapse records like Today Is The Day and Suffocation, but I have to agree with all of the one star reviewers and say that Mortician writes the exact same track 28 times for this. Listening to this made me sleep. I liked one track, and that was it, but when the second track played, I got bored, so I drifted into a sleep. By the time I woke up, the CD has just finished playing. I had a feeling I missed out on a lot of good stuff, so I played it again. Nope, I just kept falling asleep whenever it would get to the second track. Listening to Deicide made me sleep as well, but Mortician? Automatic snoozer.

This would be the perfect music for surgeons to play if they want their patients to fall asleep, and this is without the use of anasthetics. This can also be the perfect music to play to your children when it is their bedtime.

To shorten it up, I'd only download one track and forget about the rest. For death metal, I recommend Cryptopsy, Nile, Suffocation, Obituary, Malevolent Creation and Death.

Great cover, I have a shirt of it. The album...well it just plain sucks.

This is probably the worst band in existence. Honestly, even mediocre to awful death/grind has a rating of about 3.5 or higher on amazon, just because only the fans actually review it. I know people say you're not supposed to take this seriously, that it's a joke... well guess what? It's not funny! You want to pay 15 bucks or more for an unfunny joke? This band is so stupid. If you have to hear them, download one song. If you know one song, you know all 10 of their albums or however many they have.

Don't listen to people who say "if you don't like this you don't know death metal." I'm willing to say, if you LIKE this you don't know death metal. I'll establish my DM cred by saying that there are much better NON POSER bands like suffocation, psycroptic, disgorge, deeds of flesh, spawn of possession, fleshgrind, decrepit birth, hell every death metal band I've ever heard is better than this. Even mediocre stuff is miles ahead of this. If you enjoy this you are obviously a sucker who doesn't know the difference between good death/grind and garbage.
People who like this are just as bad as "posers" who just like whatever MTV tells them to like, because mortician fans just like anything that sounds "bwoootal" and they don't know what good death metal really is. You want good grind? Try From Enslavement to Obliteration. (And if you don't know what that is, never use the term "grindcore" again- you don't deserve to.

This band would be funny if it wasn't serious. This is musical devolution.

It's quite true that either you like Mortician or you hate them. This is mostly because Chainsaw Dismemberment is the same song over and over again. If you liked the first "song" then you'll like the album unless you have a tendency to like albums with variety. If you hated that song then you'll hate Mortician's music.

This band sounds like a muddy gurgle with horror movie samples. The guitars play the same two chord riffs over and over again. The drums,..I mean drum machine is fast. The "vocals" are gutteral and grunted. Fortunately, there are enough points when I can't hear them because they don't sound too much different from the drum machine. I also heard there was a bassist but maybe I was mistaken. False advertising indeed. There are lyrics, but I feel no need to discuss them. Bands like Deicide get a bad rap for their repetitive and often unintelligent lyrics. But this is ridiculous. On the plus side, it's hard to beat Mortician for consistency.

To sum up, some people apparently like this band. That is completely fine. I happen not to. I don't find monotonous riffs over even more monotonous drum riffs and monotonous vocals particularly appealing. Yes, that sentence was redundant. Still it has more variety than this album, at least is uses different words. This is a compilation of brutal nosie for the sake of brutal noise. If you want good death metal, then try Death. You might find a hint of musicianship, meaningful lyrics and real songs. Try Cannibal Corpse if you want brutal, less than technical death metal.

One question still remains, that mortician's fans haven't answer me yet...Why support mortician, when there's billions of other bands who are much better, and can make what we like to call music? Not pointless noise, about nothing, over , and, over, again.Mortician's "chainsaw dismenberment" sounds like everything these guys have already done, and i dont know how any one in their right mind,siriously, enjoy such mediocre crap. Where's the technical sound ? Where's the solo's ?Why grunt so damn low ? i remenber seeing exhumed on tour with mortician and when mortician played ? I just heard the instruments because Will rahmer (bass/vocals) grunted so damn low that, it was impossible to hear him but exhumed did outplayed those posers in mortician!