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Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man: Learn to Love What's Right Instead of Trying to Fix What's Wrong Paperback – November 18, 2009


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Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man: Learn to Love What's Right Instead of Trying to Fix What's Wrong + Change Your Man: How to Become the Woman He Wants + Tame Your Woman: Be the Man She Needs You to Be
Price for all three: $52.48

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Adams Media; Original edition (November 18, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1605501425
  • ISBN-13: 978-1605501420
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (33 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #991,944 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

This book shows in clear and practical ways how to let go of demands, drama, and expectations in relationships. --David Richo, Ph.D.,  author of Everyday Commitments: Choosing A Life Of Love, Realism, and Acceptance

A book that looks at marriage realistically!  I recommend it for all married women who are struggling to accept their less than perfect spouses. --Evelyn Bassoff, Ph.D., author of Between Mothers and Sons:The Making of Vital and Loving Men

Many books offer only simplistic how-to formulas.  This book goes far beyond that, setting the reader off on a life journey of self-discovery and self development. --Molly Young Brown, author of Growing Whole: Self-Realization for the Great Turning

I recommend this book to any woman who feels stuck and /or dissatisfied in her relationship. --Beverly Engel, LMFT, author of Loving Him without Losing You: How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself

This book breaks new ground for deepening our love and respect for ourselves and others.  It strikes a chord of truth as down-to-earth as it is refreshing. --Hal Zina Bennett, author of The Lens of Perception: A User's Guide to Higher Consciousness

From the Author

I hope that you are able to look again at your good-enough man and realize that it isn't necessary or even desirable that he be a prince or that you find a happily ever after.  There is so much value in accepting both him and yourself the way you are and growing in strength and wisdom as you confront the reality of your life together.  As a woman, just as you've been conditioned to accept an unattainable model of beauty, so have you been sold an unattainable relationship model.  A relationship is just one part of your life and you need to see a bigger picture in order to satisfy yourself and reduce the expectations that a man will be your ultimate fulfillment.

By moving away from suffocating and confining cultual definitions that have trapped you in relationship conflict, you can find your truth, authentic self, and natural power base.  By accepting both your own and others' imperfections and knowing that your worth is not affected by what others say and do, you can stay open, loving, and compassionate.  As an empowered woman you can stand in your truth and ask for what you want without demanding to receive it.  You can reduce the need to contort and deny yourself in order to be loved.  There is enormous benefit for a woman who can conceptualize her task as evolving herself rather than fixing her man.

I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this book and sharing my own life lessons and those of my clients with you.  This book is filled with what I wish someone would have told me when I was a younger woman.  It is imminently satisfying and blesses my life to offer it to you.

More About the Author

For more information about me and my book please visit my website at www.sallywatkins.net.

I've been in private practice for twenty years, licensed as a psychotherapist in California, treating individuals and couples. I graduated from the University of Maryland at Baltimore with a Masters of Social Work degree and before that with a bachelor's degree in education from Carnegie Mellon University. This is my first book, CHANGE YOUR MINDSET NOT YOUR MAN, Learn to Love What's Right Instead of Trying to Fix What's Wrong. I enjoy cooking healthy food, working out, playing tennis, and sailing with my husband in the Pacific Northwest. My two sons are grown.

I was born in Western Pennsylvania and spent my early adult years there. My mother was English major who went on to become a librarian and she introduced me to books at an early age. My first writing course was with the now famous John Barth when he was a professor at Penn State University and he was positive about the short stories I produced. Even when my professional writing took the form of grant proposals, case histories, and promotional materials I was always working on memoirs, short stories, and essays and taking writing classes in my free time. My published work includes a first-person piece for Home Winemaker magazine, a featured cover story for a professional journal, Social Work Today and several articles and a series of columns for the local newspaper, the Folsom and El Dorado Hills Telegraph.

The most important author for me, one who changed my life with his writing, was Eckhart Tolle, when I first read THE POWER OF NOW, and then A NEW EARTH: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. Tolle's imminently understandable westernized version of non-duality allowed me to access my own consciousness. My book is informed by these concepts.

I'm excited to share my own life lessons and those of my clients with you, the reader. This book is what I wish someone would have told me when I was a younger woman. It blesses my life to offer it to you.



Customer Reviews

It is organized in a manner which is very easy to read!
J. Otoole
I believe this book will lead you to personal growth and maturity and the path to empowerment and emotional freedom.
A.Mohan
'Change Your Mindset' will make you think about why you react or behave the way you do in your relationship.
B. McCarthy

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful By B. McCarthy on December 15, 2009
Format: Paperback
I've been having a hard time dealing with some strong emotions I have felt off and on for the last year or so and I wasn't ready to give in to them or to blame them on stress, money, PMS, etc. My negativity- and nastiness- seemed to focus on my insecurities in my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. Not only was I acting really moody, I felt ashamed, unloved, unhappy and scared. However, deep down, I knew it wasn't him or the relationship, and that there was something going on with me that I needed to handle. I am tired of nagging, pouting and complaining. I know my boyfriend is too.

When I found Watkins' book it was after looking at several other books on self-help and relationships. One book I found basically said you could get whatever you wanted in your relationship with strategic break ups ...not the right book for me at all! When I started paging through 'Change Your Mindset,' I saw topics that were relevant to me and what I thought I was going through, questions I had asked myself but didn't know how or what to answer.

'Change Your Mindset' will make you think about why you react or behave the way you do in your relationship. The purpose of reading the book is to gain wisdom about yourself and your feelings, which will enable you to distinguish between appropriate emotions and those that need to be filtered out and are hurting more than helping. Some topics include recognizing the societal pressures to have the 'perfect' relationship with your boyfriend/husband/partner, using your relationship to make up for feelings you felt deprived of during childhood from your parents, and identifying triggers (like babies and weddings/engagements, for me)that bring on the over-emotional behavior or thoughts.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By C. Alley on November 15, 2009
Format: Paperback
It is hard to believe that I just purchased this book 2 weeks ago. I know as I write this review that it may seem unrealistic to think that one book can change your relationship so deeply, (And even impact and empower one person so much) but that is just what this book did. Today, it is common to hear success stories and question their validity, but honestly this was the best money I have ever spent, on anything next to my puppy!! However, it honestly saved my relationship, and got me back on the path to be an empowered, self-sufficient woman and I just so happen to keep my 3 year relationship, and rekindle the romance we once shared.

As I read through this book and the various chapters I realized the walls, expectations from the media and family about relationships, walls that I had established since childhood began to crumble. The issues I was seeing with my partner were no longer there, and at first I felt upset as I began to notice the errors in my ways....However Sally Watkins does not break you down without building you back up and helping you really start to live in the moment and love the relationship you are in. Her words are kind, but also powerful.

All I can say is that if your relationship is on the brink of becoming non-existent, you find yourself moving from relationship to relationship, no other book has helped in the past--this book will put you on the right path to change these things and should be the last book you have to buy.
Words can honestly not express how powerful, honest and eye-opening this book really is. It is a book that every woman needs to have on their bookshelf, and will also be a great gift for your girlfriends and or daughters.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Wiser & Happier on November 6, 2009
Format: Paperback
I've never written a review before but I really like this book. You don't have to slog through lists of problems and complicated solutions like Dr. Phil's books which didn't help me anyway. This book is totally different. The writer knows that men can't be changed and they just get angry and feel criticized when you try to. Finding a new man most of the time just exchanges one set of problems for another. The focus of this book is on the woman and how to get strong, deal with your own issues and not sit around waiting for a man to make you happy. I felt like she was talking directly to me. After many years of marriage I was still waiting for my husband to change and figured if he loved me he would want to change. It helped me accept the reality of my own relationship with him and how I can make my life happier. From conversations I have had with my women friends, I know all of them could be helped by this book. I highly recommend it!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By J. Otoole on November 26, 2009
Format: Paperback
I absolutely loved this book! It is organized in a manner which is very easy to read! The author uses practical and thought provoking ideas about relationships. I have read many relationship books and this is by far the most valuable one I have read personally. I am using her suggestions in my relationship and can already see a huge difference in how I am relating to my spouse. I recommend this book to anyone who is looking for new and fulfilling way to communicate with thier spouse.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Pamela S. Jasper on November 10, 2009
Format: Paperback
what a great book! i bought 3 to give to some girlfriends as a christmas present this year. this book is sure to help anyone who wants to improve their relationship in a positive, long-lasting way.
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