Customer Reviews

Charmers & Con Artists & Their Flip Side

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I read this book at the suggestion of my mother who sent one by mail to me with the admonition to drop everything else I was reading and concentrate solely on this. Charmers and con artists are not limited to one gender or the other. At one point or another, each of us has been taken in by a male or female "smooth talker." This book helps you to identify the characteristics so you don't become the same fool twice or even three times for that matter. The tools they use are universal. Discrediting credibility is first. Know that you're not crazy as they may imply. If it doesn't feel "good" then its not good. We need to start paying closer attention to the internal meter. It would save us a lot of headaches and heartaches. I have recommended this book to everyone that I can. I haven't run into anyone yet who didn't identify with what is written on the back cover. The information in this book will help you better understand how not to play into the charmer and con artists' hand. Read this book immediately if not sooner!

I read this book after getting a hand out in a recovery class. The hand out was on Charmers and Con Artist. It had this book title on it. I have never been so glad to have bought a book. If your in an abusive relationship or not you must read this book. You probably know someone who fits the profile and you will save yourself and others a lot of angish. Be enlightened know the signs, read this book.

I now know I have been in a relationship with a charmer for the past 11 years and trying to get this charmer out of my life for the past year and a half. It has been hard trying to convince myself and others that this person was not who they pretended to be... I fell in love with who this person wanted to be, who my charmer pretended to be, I wasn't allowed to see the REAL person until it was too late and then I didn't trust what I saw and felt.

it seemed no one believed this person could be like that. Too bad I couldn't invite the world behind our doors. But as I read this book I just knew my life was the case study. Thanks to this book, I'm learning to trust my judgements, my gut feelings and just because other people can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. I lived it, they are watching the made for TV version.

Now that I've read this book. I know better what I am dealing with, I can see the charmer characterists in business associates, relatives, they are everywhere. But, now I know what I'm dealing with and I can also see that 'my charmer' is turning the corner to con artist. Knowledge is the best weapon. Read this book and be prepared. You'll be glad you did.

I expected a scientific and organized casebook of charmers and con artists. What I got was a book full of unsubstantiated opinion, undocumented and arbitrary definitions, and emotional response to the author's experience. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, but I find no depth or professional experience in her references or footnotes. Read "Without Conscience", by Dr. Hare for a much more comprehensive discussion of well defined and empirically classified case studies on psychopaths. This book by Ms. Scott is arbitrary, rambling, and probably wrong. She is angry at men, and politically biased in this book as well. I feel sick for having spent the money to buy it, even as a used book.

I would like to address the 'knightofthelance' reviewer. I appreciate your review; however, I think your statement that the author's admisssion that she has also been a victim and that you saw that as tainting her work with bitterness, etc., does not jell with so many other self-help books written by victims who finally 'see the light'. Most victims are encouraged by knowing the author knows whereof he/she speaks. To them, it lends further credibility to the author's understanding of the issue and greater insight to their own experience. I think the other reviews show that. This subject matter may not touch you as deeply if you have not been victimized. While you seem to try to be objective, victims are, of necessity, subjective. The feedback from them is that the message is water in the desert, validation that they are not crazy, and gives a ray of hope for recovery. For them, it is life changing.

The 2 negative reviews, obviously written by men who felt threatened by the information contained in the book because it fit their profiles so perfectly is what convinced me to purchase this MAGNIFICENT book! Thanks to the author for writing the book and for being bold enough to not remove the negative comments of 2 charming con artists.

I am very critical of this book, and I'll tell you why.

In short, I've lost my marriage and family because, in part, of my wife's improper application of this book to me. We were married for 16 years and the only reason she gave me was to "read this book with an open mind". That was two years ago and me & my three children have been utterly devastated. I'm just now beginning to heal from the sadness of this crushing blow to our lives. I was a Christian minister for 15 years and took a much needed leave of absence from that work when my wife literally lost her mind with unwarranted suspicions, ideas, and notions of me due to her own issues of trust (she was sexually abused as a child by a family 'friend' and I had to deal with the fallout of that for our entire marriage). I absolutely adored my wife and never abused her in ANY way. In my questioning about why this happened to me, I went to her diary (it was actually ours together - it was our prayer journal as well) to try to understand her confusion. You should know that her family is rampant with professionally diagnosed mental illnesses (her father's father died in an asylum in Oregon, her dad is not "normal", her brother has spent parts of his life institutionalized with manic depression, bi-polar disorder, and her mom has been diagnosed with dissociative disorder also known as multiple personality disorder, to name but a few - bi-polar is rampant in her family). When she found this book and listened to other divorced women in her life who were coaching her, I could not win her no matter what I did, whether taking her to counselors, praying and fasting, or showing her as much love as I could muster in the midst of my intense pain, or just reasoning with her. I believe this book gave her some sort of justification for what she was doing and now I've somehow been labelled in her mind as being a Con-artist or "charmer". In reality I'm just a man who loved her, was faithful to her, and had some faith questions arise in my mind that i needed to process, and felt that integrity demanded I do that away from the ministerial office for a while (something I've now done). This made her conclude that I had been faking my faith for all those years, which is simply ridiculous. I believe now that my being a church leader gave her some kind of security in this world, since her dad is a fanatical wild-eyed hyper-religious type.

I'm sure there are people who are like what the author describes in her book. However, if my tragedy is the result of her work - to further empower unbalanced people to justify their selfish and destructive actions and be able to pass the responsibility to others simply because they are confused and have found a label they relate to somehow, then she's just selling books unethically. Anyone can call someone else names and label them. If the author's so-called expertise is being used by women (as it was in my case) to justify their lack of commitment to their husbands in America today, it seems to me the author may be to blame for causing a LOT of PAIN. I sure did in my family, and that pain continues to bear its fruit in my children. I'm angry. I wonder if she thought of that possibility when she wrote it. Perhaps my wife would have found some other reason to destroy our family (who knows), but this book was a BIG part of our problem apparently. What a load of garbage if it doesn't properly distinguish for readers her supposed "science" from a reader's dysfunctional biases. Readers come in all kinds, and it's probably mostly anyone who thinks they are a 'victim' already. Maybe they are and maybe they aren't.

Be careful how you apply or misapply the opinions of others, no matter what their "credentials". My father is a psychotherapist and I can tell you they draw many wrong conclusions all the time. They are products of their schools. They themselves usually come from broken backgrounds, which is why they choose their career paths. Hopefully they find themselves before they make even bigger messes in those they "counsel".

Not everyone who is considered charming is a 'charmer' and not everyone who is artful is a con-artist. My wife had a lot more freedom when she was with me, ironically, than she does today. I never told her what to do or where to go and I always sought to help her achieve her own goals. I would like to see a chapter added which honestly distinguishes the difference between the real con artists and those who are just getting her labels. From where I'm standing, the author is the most destructive manipulator of my life.

Fort Worth, Texas

I was a victim of the charmer/con artist/abuser. This book was detailed, informative and insightful. I could not put it down. My son now wants to read it after having me read several excepts aloud to him. As I read on the train to work, people would ask me where they could get the book (just from viewing the title). My one disappointment in the book, however, is that it didn't offer a viable and/or Spiritual manner of resolution to the problem. I plan to order two more for my Pastors.

I love this book. It really tells it like it is. It is informative, presented in a Godly manner and gives many examples of what kinds of personalities to watch out for. Who are safe people to be around? One can really become more aware of the people that have these traits after reading this book. At least one will know that the sadness, craziness and self-doubt that can be felt while being with these personalities is not because of something that one has done or said. The truth comes out when the victim approaches the personality with common sense, facts and much truth directly speaking and sticking up for oneself. One will learn to not be a "victim" and how to manage or escape the world of these personalities and gain the confidence that the Lord wants all of us to have in HIM.

if only those famous words we all say when we find we are once again in a bad relationship that has us manuipulated by a con artist or charmer!!! I find my if only moment came at the first chapter when I had wished someone had given me a copy of this book BEFORE I stepped into a bad, controlling, abusive marriage....! Read it, and study it, find your pattern in this book if you are in one of those relationships....It will save you heartache!

I found Sandra Scott's book when I was searching for insights to help me understand abuse that did not involve physical violence. This book illuminates the thought processes and behaviors that make these relationships dangerous. What makes this book so valuable is that it chronicals how the basic self-serving nature within all people (and YES, we all will do things for our own interest) left unchecked devolves into behaviors and attitudes that are nothing less than full blown abuse.

The author states upfront that recovery from this type of abuse is a process unto itself. By showing us how to recognize behaviors and patterns, Sandra has handed us a key to step out of this cycle of abuse. This book invites the reader to recognize the charmer / con-artist within themselves and others. It is said that the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. This book is an excellent first step in recovering from an abusive relationship.