10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
In Chasing Daylight, a terminally ill man offers a unique perspective on living., July 14, 2010
This review is from: Chasing Daylight: How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life (Paperback)
This unique book offers unusual perspective on living through the eyes of a terminally ill man. Gene O'Kelly systematic way of thinking and emotion competence aid him as he plans out how to make the most of his time on earth. O'Kelly's extreme professional success (CEO of KPMG at the onset of his illness) give him an opportunity to have a widely heard voice.
O'Kelly's system of tiering people by the importance of their relationships and then allocating time and energy accordingly is interesting, thoughtful, even if it may come across as mechanical at times. Who's to say how one should live their last 3 months of life?
Unfortunately, I was hoping for more of spiritual depth and perspective. O'Kelly mentions cultural Christianity and something like Buddhism/transcendental meditation, but doesn't suggest much concrete guidance on how his last days might have sharpened his focus or his relationship with God. I found the numerous references to "centering myself" "right myself" and "finding balance" to be distracting and they left me wishing for more from and for him.
I thought the following were real nuggets in the book:
1. Make time "slow down" by really savoring the good things in life, really considering what messages you want to send to people important to you to be thought provoking and inspiring.
2. We should all take time, regularly, to consider our impending deaths (we'll rarely know whether they are far off or just around the corner) and see if we like where we spend our time, energy, and emotion or whether we need to make changes.
3. Don't be too distracted by work. Coming from a man of such great accomplishment professionally, it seems that he could have used more family balance in his life and had some regrets.
4. "You can't control everything." Again hearing this from such an accomplished and driven man, the admission is striking - though obviously true. He describes both his journey to acceptance of his plight and the importance that this acceptance had in allowing him to enjoy and make the most of his final days and months.
5. While time spent is a measure of one's commitment level, the amount of energy and focus spent on the topic or person is even more of a gauge.
6. Have an "Italian mindset" - look at past decisions as truly in the past and focus on the future. "The only decision to focus on is the one you are still able to make." This seems to have wisdom as long as it doesn't preclude learning from our mistakes.
7. His plan to "beautifully resolve" his personal relationships - to bring pleasure to them and himself, to cause himself to think deeply about those close to him.
a. Key moments shared together
b. How they met.
c. What had caused them to become friends
d. Qualities O'Kelly appreciated in them
e. Things he'd learned from each
f. How they'd helped him become a better person.
g. Often the meeting would take place in a special place and/or include a symbolic gift.
h. How much he appreciated close friends telling him "goodbye" at their last meeting as opposed to other things, like "keep the faith".
8. His reflection on how he'd spent too much time at work - to the expense of his family and, he states - possibly to expense of his own productivity and creativity.
9. O'Kelly suggests an intentional focus on things (I'll call them blessings) we've been given - really pausing to take in the beauty of nature, really appreciating the taste of food and drink, really enjoying time with people. I liked this admonition the best in this book. I've noticed I can "get through" almost any experience, even ones I generally like, in a distracted, detached way. I can also focus on and really enjoy them. It is a matter of focus.
10. Norman Vincent Peale quote, "Change your thoughts and change your world."
11. And, from Wife Corinne, who writes the final chapter:
a. How Gene coming to terms with his own death was so key to how he approached dying: "To die in peace, you must first accept that you are dying."
b. "when you are motivated by fear, you are not able to see the best path - whether in death or in life."
In summary, I'm glad I read "Chasing Daylight" because of the helpful perspective the author offers regarding dying, since I too will die someday. More importantly, I hope to live in a way where I avoid some of his regrets and be more intentional about appreciating and enjoying my own blessings.
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