Chastened: The Unexpected Story of My Year without Sex [Hardcover]

Hephzibah Anderson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 24, 2010

Seeking love in an age obsessed with sex, a journalist chronicles her year without

On the eve of her thirtieth birthday, Hephzibah Anderson glimpsed her college boyfriend going into a jewelry store with a smiling blonde-and in that moment realized it had been years since a man told her he loved her. This discovery led her to question a decade of emotionally frustrating relationships with commitment phobes. As she examined her past, she recognized that most of these relationships went off course at the precise moment sex was involved. Anderson decided it was time to spend a full year without sex to rediscover its meaning and purpose in her life. In this confessional account, Anderson shares the results of that year, narrating each month as she flirts, dates, and swoons but doesn't have sex. The results-her feelings about femininity, her body, and romance-are illuminating.

Told with Elizabeth Gilbertesque candor, Chastened reveals much about our contradictory cultural attitudes towards sex and the ways intercourse has been used as a shortcut to deeper intimacies. An antidote to the growing genre of another-notch-in-the-bedpost memoirs, Chastened is a refreshing look at what's to be gained by going without.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Everything but the sex seems to be the theme of this fluffy dating chronicle by British journalist Anderson. Having recently turned 30 and being determined to break a baffling, bruising cycle of consistently mistak[ing] casual hookups for rose-tinted beginnings, Anderson decided that she'd had enough sex without love; it was time to try love without sex. The purpose? Not, as she hints with feminist bravado, to become faithful to my instincts nor even to achieve emotional self-sufficiency (as she enjoyed some playful banter with potential boyfriends like Dan, Jake, Quiet Guy, the Beau, N, Rafiq, and so on), but to snare a mate—and that sadly didn't happen at the end of this year. Using an unwieldy chronological structure by month, Anderson moves from her resolve to embark on a year of chastity after a final emotional disappointment with Jake in late summer (You sleep with these men too soon, her mother had warned her), through numerous travels and dissatisfying encounters between London and New York. Along with way, Anderson lards each chapter with ponderous emotional reflections, injecting just enough research and quotes from heavies to keep the reader engaged, such as brief mentions of psychotherapist Brett Kahr, a Hepburn-Tracy movie, chastity rites in ancient times, and Samuel Richardson's Pamela.(June)
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From Booklist

Can a smart, attractive 30-year-old woman go a year without nookie? That’s the question pondered in British writer Anderson’s titillating, if surprisingly tepid, memoir. For Anderson, the sight of her college boyfriend exiting a jewelry store with his smiling fiancée makes an unsavory reality crystal clear: it’s been years since a man told her he loved her. Sure, she’s had plenty of sex, but has she—gasp!—been mistaking the physical act for love? To test her theory, she continues to flirt and date but resists succumbing to sweaty sessions between the sheets. Her willpower weakens when she spends time with sweet and sexy Jake, who has a girlfriend he refuses to break up with. (Anderson had been involved with Jake prior to her celibacy vow, and his response to her proclamation is a hearty guffaw.) Anderson interweaves her confessional tales with commentary on the likes of chastity belts, corsets, and porn. Readers may find all this a bit too much information, without the insight to make it worth their while, but the premise alone will keep them reading. --Allison Block

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Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Viking Adult (June 24, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0670021865
• ISBN-13: 978-0670021864
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 5.9 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 2.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #524,852 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Hephzibah Anderson graduated from Cambridge University with an English degree and has worked as a journalist ever since. She was the fiction editor at the Daily Mail and covered first novels for the Observer. She has also written about contemporary art, food and futurology, and interviewed the likes of Germaine Greer, Juliette Binoche, and Judy Blume. Her recent work has appeared in Vogue and Bloomberg Muse and on BBC Radio, where she regularly guests on an early-hours books phone-in show.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

86 of 115 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Insulting and offensive, July 11, 2010

By 

Dan - See all my reviews

This review is from: Chastened: The Unexpected Story of My Year without Sex (Hardcover)

When thousands of talented authors who have written about important topics are turned down for book contracts, it's a travesty that a book with a premise so vacuous as this should be published. What is so special about an attractive woman who can have sex as often as she wants with whomever she wants going for one (whole!) year without sex? This is like Donald Trump writing a book about abstaining from riding in limos and helicopters for a year, and then claiming to teach us some great philosophical insight from his experiences. What we see here is an example of a conceited, elitist, and over-privileged Cambridge English major turned-"journalist" who thinks her ordinary pedestrian experiences are profound enough to teach the poor masses about the true meaning of love. News flash: lots of people are not having sex, for many reasons. And this book, claiming that a year without sex is some huge sacrifice worthy of publication, is a slap in the face to all of them. Yes, some people just aren't interested in sex. But a great many others, men and women both, can't find sex partners easily (yes, you may mock them as being "losers," "nerds," "fat," or "ugly,"--how kind of you). But some people who go for long periods of their lives without sex do so because they are battling life-threatening diseases like HIV and cancer, have had disfiguring trauma, have spinal cord injuries, have PSTD from experiences in war or being raped, or have been the victims of sexual abuse as children. Sex doesn't come so often or so easily for everyone. Even with this, the majority of people in the world are sensible enough not to confuse sex with love. There are vast numbers of people have had many more trials and severe difficulties in their lives related to love, sex, dating, and relationships than a spoiled 30-year-old who gives herself up to every guy she meets and then wonders, "where's the love?" There are many, many people out there who have amazing stories of loneliness and despair, people who are survivors of unbelievable cruelty and hardships, and then go on to learn lessons of great wisdom and the true meaning of love. These are the people who have truly profound stories to tell. Publishers, please publish their stories and don't pander to the egocentric "Paris Hilton journalists" of the world.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars A little boring...perhaps meant for women only, March 13, 2011

By 

A. Mark "Photoguy" (Salt Lake, UT USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Chastened: The Unexpected Story of My Year without Sex (Hardcover)

As a man, I was interested to get the female perspective on dating and sex (or lack thereof). I never fully got a sense of why she withheld herself, and there are several parts about clothing and other female things that (for me) didn't contribute that much to the story. Also historical and film references. I'm not interested why she wore certain outfits or why nuns decided to be chaste.

The writing style is British (though much of the story is in the States), with some slang words that require a visit to Google dictionary.

This could easily have been a short story akin to a teen's version of "What I didn't do this Summer."

1.0 out of 5 stars WHEEEE!!, September 27, 2011

By 

Missymaam (Seattle) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Chastened: The Unexpected Story of My Year without Sex (Hardcover)

WHEEEE!!! LOOK AT ME ME ME. I'M NOT HAVING SEX!!!

Big deal. This woman is just plain silly. Note to author: Nobody cares to begin with, and after this book, REALLY nobody cares.