Chastened: The Unexpected Story of My Year without Sex [Hardcover]

Hephzibah Anderson (Author)

Book Description

Release date: June 24, 2010

Seeking love in an age obsessed with sex, a journalist chronicles her year without

On the eve of her thirtieth birthday, Hephzibah Anderson glimpsed her college boyfriend going into a jewelry store with a smiling blonde-and in that moment realized it had been years since a man told her he loved her. This discovery led her to question a decade of emotionally frustrating relationships with commitment phobes. As she examined her past, she recognized that most of these relationships went off course at the precise moment sex was involved. Anderson decided it was time to spend a full year without sex to rediscover its meaning and purpose in her life. In this confessional account, Anderson shares the results of that year, narrating each month as she flirts, dates, and swoons but doesn't have sex. The results-her feelings about femininity, her body, and romance-are illuminating.

Told with Elizabeth Gilbertesque candor, Chastened reveals much about our contradictory cultural attitudes towards sex and the ways intercourse has been used as a shortcut to deeper intimacies. An antidote to the growing genre of another-notch-in-the-bedpost memoirs, Chastened is a refreshing look at what's to be gained by going without.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Everything but the sex seems to be the theme of this fluffy dating chronicle by British journalist Anderson. Having recently turned 30 and being determined to break a baffling, bruising cycle of consistently mistak[ing] casual hookups for rose-tinted beginnings, Anderson decided that she'd had enough sex without love; it was time to try love without sex. The purpose? Not, as she hints with feminist bravado, to become faithful to my instincts nor even to achieve emotional self-sufficiency (as she enjoyed some playful banter with potential boyfriends like Dan, Jake, Quiet Guy, the Beau, N, Rafiq, and so on), but to snare a mate—and that sadly didn't happen at the end of this year. Using an unwieldy chronological structure by month, Anderson moves from her resolve to embark on a year of chastity after a final emotional disappointment with Jake in late summer (You sleep with these men too soon, her mother had warned her), through numerous travels and dissatisfying encounters between London and New York. Along with way, Anderson lards each chapter with ponderous emotional reflections, injecting just enough research and quotes from heavies to keep the reader engaged, such as brief mentions of psychotherapist Brett Kahr, a Hepburn-Tracy movie, chastity rites in ancient times, and Samuel Richardson's Pamela.(June)
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From Booklist

Can a smart, attractive 30-year-old woman go a year without nookie? That’s the question pondered in British writer Anderson’s titillating, if surprisingly tepid, memoir. For Anderson, the sight of her college boyfriend exiting a jewelry store with his smiling fiancée makes an unsavory reality crystal clear: it’s been years since a man told her he loved her. Sure, she’s had plenty of sex, but has she—gasp!—been mistaking the physical act for love? To test her theory, she continues to flirt and date but resists succumbing to sweaty sessions between the sheets. Her willpower weakens when she spends time with sweet and sexy Jake, who has a girlfriend he refuses to break up with. (Anderson had been involved with Jake prior to her celibacy vow, and his response to her proclamation is a hearty guffaw.) Anderson interweaves her confessional tales with commentary on the likes of chastity belts, corsets, and porn. Readers may find all this a bit too much information, without the insight to make it worth their while, but the premise alone will keep them reading. --Allison Block

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Viking Adult; First American Edition edition (June 24, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0670021865
• ISBN-13: 978-0670021864
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #817,031 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Hephzibah Anderson graduated from Cambridge University with an English degree and has worked as a journalist ever since. She was the fiction editor at the Daily Mail and covered first novels for the Observer. She has also written about contemporary art, food and futurology, and interviewed the likes of Germaine Greer, Juliette Binoche, and Judy Blume. Her recent work has appeared in Vogue and Bloomberg Muse and on BBC Radio, where she regularly guests on an early-hours books phone-in show.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 6 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars WHEEEE!! September 27, 2011

By Missymaam

Format:Hardcover

WHEEEE!!! LOOK AT ME ME ME. I'M NOT HAVING SEX!!!

Big deal. This woman is just plain silly. Note to author: Nobody cares to begin with, and after this book, REALLY nobody cares.

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars A little boring...perhaps meant for women only March 13, 2011

By A. Mark

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

As a man, I was interested to get the female perspective on dating and sex (or lack thereof). I never fully got a sense of why she withheld herself, and there are several parts about clothing and other female things that (for me) didn't contribute that much to the story. Also historical and film references. I'm not interested why she wore certain outfits or why nuns decided to be chaste.

The writing style is British (though much of the story is in the States), with some slang words that require a visit to Google dictionary.

This could easily have been a short story akin to a teen's version of "What I didn't do this Summer."

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Disillusioned February 10, 2011

By Robert H. Appleby

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

The premise of the story is fascinating. However, the author goes into so much trivial detail that the message is lost.

19 of 34 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must read for the Dating Woman July 11, 2010

By Main Line Mama

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

This book came at the perfect time as I was evaluating my behavior in dating relationships. After two divorces and more dates than I can possible count this book put a lot into perspective. This is not a book from the religious right...it is written by a fairly young woman who is dealing with sexuality in the search for love. This is a very hip analysis on why you really have to use your head and not your hormones to protect your heart and your mental health. Give this to any woman who feels like she is overwhelmed by the choices she needs to make to find a truly appropriate mate.

7 of 14 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars not my thing July 25, 2010

By C. Ledger

Format:Hardcover

I picked this book up at library . I had read a review and thought it sounded intriguing. I tried to give it a fighting chance but I just couldn't get into it... I am giving it 2 stars because in all fairness I didn't get past the first 30 pages or so.. maybe if I had stuck with it I might have gotten something out of it eventually.

1 of 4 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars TThoughtful read August 3, 2010

By shoes4fun

Format:Audio CD|Amazon Verified Purchase

Chastened is read by a lovely British voice and is very enjoyable and soothing. The author is a great writer with a clever wit that comes through in this challenge she made to herself. I was intrigued to find the scholarly references interspersed throughtout the book. My only objection is to the frequent skips in the CD. This has never occured to me except for copies I have made. I wonder if I got an original CD?

A good, thoughtful read by a clever writer.

2 of 7 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Service, very interesting book. August 19, 2010

By Victor R. Crane

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Chastened arrived early, the service was wonderful and I would purchase from them again. The book was very interesting and insightful. I would recommend this to anyone over 30 years old.

Thank you,
V.Crane

17 of 38 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars skandom personified July 11, 2010

By Ann Romney

Format:Hardcover

Durex-Extra Sensitive Condoms, 100ctthis is a brief bit from the latimes reviewe of this trash, which only a few short years ago would have been consigned to the porn industry...

Her appetite for these asides seems to stem from boredom with the her premise, which soon warps from resisting men to teasing accounts of men forced to resist her. Lovers led on then let down are spared complete humiliation through use of pseudonyms and nicknames such as "the Beau," "Mr. Vermilion," "N," "Rafiq," "Pasha" and the "Quiet Guy."

one understands why men have so little respect for women when such as this is published and takes up room in the "book" section.

the picture of this woman shows her with the classic narcissistic smirk of those who are too dumb to be able to pick a decent man and keep him and therefore mmaroon from one to another without regard for the spreading of their germs or the disrespect of other women (she writes of being with another woman's fiancee, for instance).

frank sinatra famously once said that women will sell anything, maybe some day women will be smart enough to not make that true...

one can only hope that women this dumb won't have children and perpetuate the stupidity