Cherishment: A Psychology of the Heart [Hardcover]

Elisabeth Young-Bruehl (Author), Faith Bethelard (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 25, 2000

"Cher-ish-ment," n. F. "cher," dear. Sweet, indulgent love, esp. of children. Emotional equivalent of nourishment; soul food. What the world needs now.

Elisabeth Young-Bruehl and Faith Bethelard give a name to the kind, warm, tender, and affectionate love that babies expect before they can speak of it and that we all desire our whole lives long. As adults, they note, we all desire our whole lives long. As adults, they note, we don't often acknowledge or even understand our need for this "cherishment." Their book is a rare effort to explore that need, to create a "psychology of the heart."

In "Cherishment," Young-Bruehl and Bethelard provide a wholly original way of thinking about familiar concepts such as love, attachment, and care, showing how deep-seated disappointments and fears of dependency keep so many of us from forming healthy relationships. Questioning the traditional, celebratory view of independence and self-reliance, they argue that cherishment is the emotional foundation, formed in childhood, that sustains all kinds of growth-promoting adult bonds.

Blending the philosophical writing that has won Young-Bruehl international acclaim with Bethelard's imaginative sensibility, "Cherishment" is a finely balanced interplay of scholarship, dual-memoir, and intimate therapeutic tales. It draws on ancient wisdom traditions of the East and West, telling many instructive stories of men and women, young and old, who have learned to cultivate the cherishment instinct in themselves as well as in others. It helps readers attune sensitively to the ways people express their need for affection in the details of daily life and relationships. The book narrates a journey ofdiscovery, and any reader on his or her own journey in the realm of the heart will feel cherished by it.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Synthesizing classical Freudian theory and the writings of Japanese psychoanalyst Takeo Doi, biographer Young-Bruehl (Anna Freud, etc.) and psychotherapist Bethelard attempt to improve our understanding of infant psychology. Although Freud's drive theory describes a range of sexual and aggressive desires, it offers little to account for a baby's preverbal expectation of care--what Doi calls amae--which the authors believe is an essential characteristic of infancy. Amae, translated here as "cherishment," can be thought of as the dependence that derives from the self-preservative interests of the ego; therefore, the authors contend, it can be included among Freud's ego instincts. Using a collage of "memoir, dialogue, theoretical exposition, poetry, meditation, travelogue, joke, essay, dreamtext, anecdote and vignette," Young-Bruehl and Bethelard argue that cherishment is a need that persists throughout a person's psychological development and can lead to psychopathology if unfulfilled. Although they succeed in showing the relevance of Doi's theory to modern infant research, they fall short of demonstrating that cherishment truly fills a gap in psychoanalytic language. A vast literature already demonstrates the "preadaptedness" of the infant to recognize its mother and to expect to be loved. Additionally, Ronald Fairbairn long ago attempted to describe human development in terms of striving for "mature dependence." Nonetheless, the authors' personal style and therapeutic tales make their intriguing exploration accessible to general readers. Agent, Georges Borchardt. (Feb.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Young-Bruehl, whose books include biographies of Hannah Arendt and Anna Freud, teams with psychotherapist Bethelard to create a conversational look at developmental and clinical psychology using their own dreams, diary excerpts, and therapy cases. Sparked by the writings of Michael Balint and Japanese psychoanalyst Takeo Doi, with excursions into the I Ching and The Iliad, the book argues that human development has its emotional foundation in "cherishment" (Japanese amae, which holds that infants expect to be wholly loved). Rich with ideas and cross-cultural sophistication, the book reflects what good therapy always has included--acceptance of others' need for love and working through one's inevitable ambivalence about dependency. The mix of Freudian theory, linguistic sleuthing, and informality will disarm some and dismay others, but it represents an important attempt at a friendly takeover of psychoanalysis. Recommended for public libraries and psychology and social sciences collections.
-E. James Lieberman, George Washington Univ. Sch. of Medicine, Washington, DC
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Free Press (February 25, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684859661
• ISBN-13: 978-0684859668
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.4 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,016,897 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Freud, and then some., March 5, 2000

By 

P.J. Walkling (Philadelphia, PA. USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cherishment: A Psychology of the Heart (Hardcover)

As one who considers myself part of the prevailing cultural criticism of Freud I did not expect a pleasant read from a book in which his speculations play such a large role. But Young-Bruehl and Bethelard use Freud's solid ground of insights into the human mind to set sail on a voyage both east and west, ancient and modern. They generously take the reader along on their journey, gratuities included in the ticket price. Cherishment is more than a pleasant read. The book is an adventure for the reader/explorer interested in the ways in which we think about love, intimacy, dependency and primary needs. Voyagers meet an assortment of other pilgrims like Michael Balint, Akhilleus and a little known Japanese psychoanalyst named Takeo Doi. We learn to consider language and the ways its usage forms our understanding of our world. We eavesdrop on some patient sessions and are allowed in to some of the authors very personal dreams. Most interesting is the dialogue between the authors who challenge and compliment each other to advance an idea about our primary need to cherish and be cherished.

9 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Huh?, July 5, 2000

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Cherishment: A Psychology of the Heart (Hardcover)

I was disappointed in this one...I found Cherishment to be a disconcerting and frustrating mix of technical jargon and rambling stream of consciousness. I'm big into self-discovery and learning about how psychothereapy works these days, and certainly understanding the role that cherishment (or lack thereof) plays in the individual and in society at large sounds valuable and interesting, but the authors make you work too hard for too little. The only interesting parts were the segments on the author's patients where they got into some real concrete discussions and examples about the effect of lack of cherishment on these individuals.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Elegant exploration, May 8, 2009

By 

Tombo "Jess" (Japan) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cherishment: A Psychology of the Heart (Hardcover)

This is one of the most elegant explorations of psychology, philosophy, classics, literature, and more that I've read in a long time. This is a beautiful contribution to scholarship, though it fits less into scholarship per se. Its argument--that "cherishment" is a fundamental need for humans--meanders through history, literature, philosophy, psychology without relying excessively on any one field's theories or frameworks. It is part self-reflection between two colleagues/friends and part academic study. The authors do not get hung up on "arguing" their point as much as offering their ideas and intellectual and spiritual journey to the reader to contemplate. Reading this volume was a refreshing and inspiring.