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Chicken Poop for the Soul: Stories to Harden the Heart and Dampen the Spirit
 
 
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Chicken Poop for the Soul: Stories to Harden the Heart and Dampen the Spirit [Paperback]

David Fisher (Author)
3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)

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Book Description

October 1, 1997

Is "Chicken SOup" Too Sweet for Your Soul?

When you take the road less traveled, do you get lost? When bad things happen to other people, do you feel good? Do self-help books make you feel selfish and helpless? Congratulations, you're one of us. Welcome to the farthest side of reality -- and the first collection of stories sure to harden your heart and dampen your spirit.

Chicken Poop for the Soul

Here is the story of "Step-Mother Teresa" who turned an orphanage in Calcutta into a sweatshop...and "The True Meaning of Love," romance as seen from a stalker's point of view. Explore the positive side of feeling bad in "The Joys of Depression." Learn the code of the urban teacher who vows "I will never respond to a student's demands, no matter how outrageous, with the phase 'Over my dead body.'" Read the multimillion-dollar government study that discovered that the primary cause of anxiety in America is government studies. And, finally, learn the true secret of happiness.

Ruthlessly hilarious, this is the world's first "sinspirational" book, a guide absolutley guaranteed never to be a selection of Oprah's Book Club.


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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

David Fisher has dedicated his life to eliminating hypocrisy at a profit. He is a man of intrigue and mystery. He is the author of the prize winning novella Conversations with my Cat, Hard Evidence: Inside th FBI's Sci-Crime Lab, /I> as well as the best-sellers Gracie with George Burns, The Empire Strikes Back with Ron Luciano, and the reference book What's What he lives in New York City with his fantasies.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

From: Dad's Lessons

Sometimes late at night, when the house is so quiet, I can hear the familiar complaints of the friendly old floorboards stretching their limbs, and the house is warmed by love, I tiptoe into my four-year-old son's room and sit on the floor in a corner, and I just watch him sleep. His clothes are always strewn around the room, while his baseball cap hangs proudly on the doorknob. I always have to be careful not to trip over his "Big League Football," which I know to be lying somewhere in the dark. He sleeps so peacefully, so securely, I could sit there all night. And as I watch him, in these quiet moments, I can't help but remember my old man and the lessons he taught me about life.

While once I thought my dad was just about the biggest man in the whole wide world, in fact he was quite small, and thin, and his face was as cracked and pockmarked as the old leather seats of his beloved '52 Pontiac.

Dad had grown up dirt-poor on the great American plains. As a boy he had watched the once fertile farmland turn into the infamous Dustbowl. He often told me, "They called it the Dustbowl 'cause every night my momma would take me and my brother outside with our wooden bowls and fill 'em to the top with dust. 'That's it, boys,' she'd tell us. 'Eat up.'"

My old man never forgot his hardscrabble days, even long after he grew up and could afford the nice things in life. By the time I was born he knew he'd never have to worry where his next meal was coming from, but it was important to him that his sons learn the hard lessons life teaches. He wanted to make sure that I would be tough enough to survive and prosper as he had done. To him, life was one big hard lesson.

I guess the first important lesson my dad taught me was to be independent. I was just four years old when he took me out to the shopping center and left me there. I'll never forget that feeling as I watched him drive away, with just that little loving wave. A few days later, when that nice policeman brought me home, my dad and I both knew I'd learned a very important lesson.

Life on the plains, where twisters seem to spring right out of the good earth, had taught my dad how to deal with emergencies. "When you have to react real quick," he always said, "you learn the stuff you're made of." In the small town where I was raised there weren't too many opportunities to test how I would respond to unexpected problems, so he tried to help.

I'll never forget the day of my ninth birthday. Dad was driving and I was next to him in the passenger seat. Suddenly he screamed, "Think fast!" and leaped right out of the car.

I had to learn how to drive right there on the spot. But as long as I live, I'll never forget that broad, proud smile on his face when I pulled that old car up the driveway. That was my old man.

My dad also understood the value of a good sense of humor. "Back in the old days," he often told me, "we were so poor we had to beg for jokes." So sometimes, when I was fast asleep, dreaming of the home runs I would hit, he would gently lean over my bed and shout into my ear, "Russian bombers! Russian bombers! Run! Run!" And then he would laugh and laugh.

But as Dad got older and that cough became worse, he knew he wasn't going to always be there for me, and he wanted to make sure I could handle the real tough times. I was fourteen years old, I remember, when the police came to the high school to arrest me. As they booked me, they explained that "an anonymous caller" had informed them that I had held up a convenience store. I smiled. That was my old man, I knew, teaching me how to deal with adversity. But two days later he was right there to bail me out.

Oh, sometimes the lessons were hard. I sure did miss my little brother after that tragic "accident." And when my dad spent all the money I'd saved for college, it helped me learn that I could survive on almost nothing. But there wasn't one single day when I doubted his love for me.

My old man isn't here anymore, but I've never forgotten the lessons he taught me. So sometimes, late at night, when I'm sitting there on the floor, I look at my son, sleeping like an angel, and I know that one day soon I'll be taking him to the mall. Just like my old man.

William Garvey

Copyright © 1997 by David Fisher


Product Details

  • Paperback: 160 pages
  • Publisher: Pocket Books; Original edition (October 1, 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0671014420
  • ISBN-13: 978-0671014421
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #908,755 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

David Fisher is senior pastor of Plymouth Church in Brooklyn, New York. He was formerly senior pastor of Colonial Church in Edina, MN.

 

Customer Reviews

17 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
3.5 out of 5 stars (17 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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51 of 52 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A lifesaver for those in the hospital, January 9, 2000
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This review is from: Chicken Poop for the Soul: Stories to Harden the Heart and Dampen the Spirit (Paperback)
I have just finished a four-week stay in the hospital after a disastrous accident. A friend brought me this book as my first get-well present. This book should be distributed at hospitals to all incoming patients. By the end of the week all the nurses wanted copies. Terminal patients roared with laughter as they and I recalled some of the wickeder stories. My cracked ribs hurt when I laughed but this book was better than painkillers. And I want to state that it is great for the morale--and certain other conditions one has in hospital. This book is better than flowers or candy! My mother was redfaced and in hysterics when reading the "True Meaning of Love" my personal fave along with the tale of the Dear Old Dad.

Thank you thank you dear author, for offering an antidote to the sweetsie neatsie stuff that does no good at all when you are really ill...

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27 of 32 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Cheered me up more than the chicken soup books, March 14, 2000
This review is from: Chicken Poop for the Soul: Stories to Harden the Heart and Dampen the Spirit (Paperback)
Now, here is something that truly made me laugh and feel good about things, as opposed to those wretched chicken soup books, filled with cancer, car accidents, and other such things that leave the reader feeling as though she should jump off an overpass onto the highway because she has not suffered as others. Seriously though, I'm not disparaging the Soup books. I'm just saying that this one made me laugh more and put me in a better mood than the other ones. And as for the reader who decided that this mocks the word of God, I'd like more information about the church whose gospel consists of an old, hand copied edition of Chicken Soup for the Soul...
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars Just a Pun. Not Fun., June 2, 2009
This review is from: Chicken Poop for the Soul: Stories to Harden the Heart and Dampen the Spirit (Paperback)
I bought this book because of the title alone. Who wouldn't? It's a great pun on the "soul" books, unfortunately actual chicken poop is probably more exciting than this garbage. Most of the stories are based on the same ironic and unfortunate events that sort of all have the same motive...someone ends up in the hospital with a life threatening illness just before he should go to prison for a crime he committed, a business man or child misses out on that "special moment in life" just before their business fails or they die. People decide to be mean to each other because it makes them feel good.

As you can see, it is indeed quite a stretch. And most of the stories are not funny. They are just bland. I almost wanted to throw the book down several times, but suffered through the entire thing. There are maybe four or five stories in it that are clever enough to retell or remember, but the rest is...for lack of a better word...crap.

There are also fillers such as poems and famous quotes from political figures which really have nothing to do with the premise of the book. They are just useless page fillers. Dig deep in this mess if you are looking for something funny, but it'll still be a waste of time. Watching chickens scratch in the dirt is just about as entertaining. Clever idea, but in the end, all the author had was a title. No concept and poor execution.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
Dad had grown up dirt-poor on the great American plains. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
little raindrop, repeat first verse
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
New York, Step-Mother Teresa, Notre Dame, Richard Langsam, Howard Stern, Reality Therapy, Buck Fisher, Larry Carty, Guinness Book of World Records, Howard Stem, Workaholics Anonymous
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