Amazon.com Review
Psychologist John Gray (he of
Men Are from Mars... fame) cites a need to shift from "fear-based parenting" (a punitive and oppressive approach to child rearing) to "love-based parenting" (which accepts children's desires and negative emotions while still setting reasonable limits). With child and teen violence increasing, rampant low self-esteem, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and attention deficit disorder, he says, "the Western free world is experiencing a crisis in parenting. Almost all parents today are questioning both the old and the new ways of parenting. Nothing seems to be working."
He suggests "Five Messages of Positive Parenting" that will facilitate such a shift:
- It's okay to be different.
- It's okay to make mistakes.
- It's okay to express negative emotions.
- It's okay to want more.
- It's okay to say no, but remember mom and dad are the bosses.
Although his parenting philosophy is not necessarily revolutionary (think "positive discipline"), Gray manages to keep this parenting primer contemporary by weaving in specific challenges of new-millennium families--such as our tendency to be consumer-driven and overscheduled. "When parents learn what their children really need, they are less motivated to create money to acquire things and more motivated to create time to enjoy their family," Gray writes. "The greatest wealth for a parent today is time." --Gail Hudson
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From Publishers Weekly
"All children are born innocent and good," asserts Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Getting them to cooperate is merely a matter of arousing their natural desire to please their parents, without breaking their fragile will in the process. Five skills of positive parenting induce cooperation, supported by their five underlying messages, one of which is the author's mantra: "It's o.k. to say no, but remember Mom and Dad are the bosses." In a synthesis of old-fashioned authoritarianism and modern psychological sensitivity ("soft love"), parents are urged to view a child's resistance as natural and healthy, and to listen, empathize and finally assert their authority firmly and unemotionally. If this approach sounds unrealistic, it certainly feels right in the context of Gray's penetrating (and often historically minded) psychological explanations. In the hypnotic style of a therapist, Gray gradually replaces parental advice with empathy, and an emphasis on obedience with an emphaisis on cooperation, supplying a new repertoire of one-liners and age-, gender- and temperament-specific suggestions along the way. While placing the entire responsibility for children's behavior on their parents' shoulders, this book essentially simplifies the business of parenting in order to enable children to grow into their strongest, most responsible selves. (Oct.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
