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Children Are From Heaven Hardcover – August 24, 1999


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 400 pages
  • Publisher: Harper; First Edition edition (August 24, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060175656
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060175658
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1.2 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (64 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #973,326 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Psychologist John Gray (he of Men Are from Mars... fame) cites a need to shift from "fear-based parenting" (a punitive and oppressive approach to child rearing) to "love-based parenting" (which accepts children's desires and negative emotions while still setting reasonable limits). With child and teen violence increasing, rampant low self-esteem, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and attention deficit disorder, he says, "the Western free world is experiencing a crisis in parenting. Almost all parents today are questioning both the old and the new ways of parenting. Nothing seems to be working."

He suggests "Five Messages of Positive Parenting" that will facilitate such a shift:

  1. It's okay to be different.
  2. It's okay to make mistakes.
  3. It's okay to express negative emotions.
  4. It's okay to want more.
  5. It's okay to say no, but remember mom and dad are the bosses.

Although his parenting philosophy is not necessarily revolutionary (think "positive discipline"), Gray manages to keep this parenting primer contemporary by weaving in specific challenges of new-millennium families--such as our tendency to be consumer-driven and overscheduled. "When parents learn what their children really need, they are less motivated to create money to acquire things and more motivated to create time to enjoy their family," Gray writes. "The greatest wealth for a parent today is time." --Gail Hudson

From Publishers Weekly

"All children are born innocent and good," asserts Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Getting them to cooperate is merely a matter of arousing their natural desire to please their parents, without breaking their fragile will in the process. Five skills of positive parenting induce cooperation, supported by their five underlying messages, one of which is the author's mantra: "It's o.k. to say no, but remember Mom and Dad are the bosses." In a synthesis of old-fashioned authoritarianism and modern psychological sensitivity ("soft love"), parents are urged to view a child's resistance as natural and healthy, and to listen, empathize and finally assert their authority firmly and unemotionally. If this approach sounds unrealistic, it certainly feels right in the context of Gray's penetrating (and often historically minded) psychological explanations. In the hypnotic style of a therapist, Gray gradually replaces parental advice with empathy, and an emphasis on obedience with an emphaisis on cooperation, supplying a new repertoire of one-liners and age-, gender- and temperament-specific suggestions along the way. While placing the entire responsibility for children's behavior on their parents' shoulders, this book essentially simplifies the business of parenting in order to enable children to grow into their strongest, most responsible selves. (Oct.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

More About the Author

John Gray, Ph.D. is the #1 bestselling relationship author of all time. He is the author of over 20 books, including The New York Times #1 Best-Selling Relationship Book of All Time: MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. His books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages around the world.

John is a leading internationally recognized expert in the fields of communication and relationships. His unique focus is assisting men and women in understanding, respecting and appreciating their differences. John's advice can be easily used to improve relationships at home and in the workplace.

For more than 35 years, John Gray has conducted public and private seminars for thousands of participants. John entertains and inspires audiences with practical communication techniques. John's mission is for men and women to understand, respect, appreciate and work together.

John Gray is a popular speaker on the national and international lecture circuit and often appears on television and radio programs to discuss his work. He has made guest appearances on such shows as Oprah, The Dr. Oz Show, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The CBS Morning Show, Live with Regis, Fox & Friends Weekend, Good Morning New York, Larry King Live, CNN and Company and many others. He has been profiled in major publications across the United States. John Gray lives with his wife and children in Northern California.
Visit www.MarsVenus.com

Customer Reviews

I love Mr. Grays ideas they are easy to follow and make a lot of sense.
Barbara
This book is an easy read and gives great examples of childrens temperments and how to implement positive parenting skills.
S. Bund
This book is excellent and a must read for any parent, or teacher, or anyone who deals with kids on a regular basis.
Redqueen1

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

37 of 41 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on October 28, 1999
Format: Hardcover
I am a huge fan of John Gray's. His books on adult relationships are wonderful. This one confuses me - it's not up to his standards. There are good points made, but the book is a chore to read. Also some conflicting advice throughout. I wish he'd re-think this and re-write it. In the meantime, if you want a good book on positive parenting try one of these: Positive Discipline, Kid Cooperation, The Discipline Book, Perfect Parenting.
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26 of 28 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 19, 2000
Format: Hardcover
I saw IMMEDIATE results when i applied the principles of John Gray's "Children are from Heaven" to my 2-year old daughter. Although I was skeptical Gray's techniques would work, not only did my 2-year old respond, but I became a happier, more relaxed, and more confident mother. I finally had an alternative to the "hard" discipline on which I was raised and the "soft" discipline that was obviously not working on my 2-year old. My pediatrician recommended this book to me and I have been spreading the word ever since! Thank you John Gray!
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39 of 44 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on January 4, 2000
Format: Hardcover
I knew for sure this would be the best parenting book yet. How in the world did it get so much publicity? I am the mother of 5 and it's nothing new and sad to see so much confusion throughout the book by every little thing being repeated over and over. We received another book with much clearer and tried and true kid proof skills, Mommy-CEO, is bascially the same message but much more user friendly. Moms with many children want consise, simple and workable plans and we want it now!
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 31, 1999
Format: Hardcover
John Gray's new book is incredible. If you have children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews it's a must. All teachers, administrators, coaches, day care professionals, or anyone at all who works with or comes into contact with children would benefit greatly from reading this insightful book. There are so many ideas, all of which give adults the tools in being successful in raising loving, compassionate, considerate children. In this day and age of teen violence and confusion John Gray has given us hope. This book will affect parentinglike Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus affected relationships. Putting both into practicewill affect many generations to come. What a world we could have. Thank you John for your insight!
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful By Sandra D. Peters on June 13, 2001
Format: Paperback
As a counsellor, I have long admired and respected John Gray for his vast and learned knowledge and for his ability as a writer. "Children Are from Heaven" is a beautiful concept. Grey reinforces the power of positive attitudes in the role of parenting. He bases his philosophy on the concepts it is okay to be different(we are all unique individuals,) okay to make mistakes(we learn from our mistakes,) it is okay to express negative emotion (children also have negative feelings,) it is okay to want more(wanting more, incourages children to dream, achieve and reach for the stars,) and it is okay to say,"no" but remember Mom and/or Dad are still the boss (children will test limits, both yours and theirs.)
The book contains very accurate and positive information; however, Gray's concept about raising children with a positive attitude is nothing new in our modern-day world. What is extremely disheartening is the fact not all parents understand the importance of, nor do they implement, a nurturing and positive environment for their children. The approach taken here is similar to many found in other professionally written parenting books, except the author has chosen different words and his own unique writing style to relay the concept. I expected to find an expanded version or a new theory in Gray's book but that did not happen. For this reason, the book received a rating of four stars and not five. Regardless of what words are used, the book still contains a valuable message, and it is certainly worth reading...no matter how many times you may have read or heard the message before.
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on October 21, 1999
Format: Hardcover
This book provides some excellent advice to parents in child rearing. I only wish I had this book and knew about postive parenting when my children were first born. I am trying to incorporate the suggestions into dealing with my 13 year old twins boys and my 18 year old daughter. Positive parenting methods are also worthwhile for dealing with adult relationships too.I recommend it to all parents and suggest it as a perfect baby gift.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on April 10, 2004
Format: Paperback
Gray shares a welcome sensible perspective on raising children of all ages that keeps the parents in complete charge while encouraging the parents to respect and understand the kid's feelings. That does not mean the kids always or even usually get their way. My older children (9, 12 and 15) have told me during our calmer more rational discussions, outside the heat of the moment, that they like the change is MY behavior and they feel more like I'm on their side rather than the enemy on their backs screaming, insulting, and punishing like I used to. The younger kids (4 and 6) also seem to cooperate more when I acknowlege their feelings and then clearly state and stick to the boundaries. We are by no means wimpy parents with our 5 kids; however, we have become more aware of separately addresing feelings from behavior. I find myself much calmer and listening a lot more than I used to. The amazing thing is that my husband and I have stopped much of the yelling, threatening, and searching for an even harsher punishment that wasn't really working anyway. Another book that really is very compatible with Gray's thoughts is called "The Pocket Parent". It has hundreds of suggestions to try with your 2-5 year old, focusing on most of the annoying behaviors that often drive even the best parent to the edge of their sanity. I highly recommend both books that specifically teach you how to change your behavior first inorder to get more cooperation from the kids.
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