Chocolate Jesus [Paperback]

Stephen Jaramillo (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1, 1998

The deliciously funny new novel from the acclaimed author of Going Postal.

Now, in Chocolate Jesus, Jaramillo introduces Sydney Corbet, a self-proclaimed JFK assassination scholar who has just come up with the idea of a lifetime -- Chocolate Jesus. This semisweet chocolate Messiah offers salvation for many, especially the nearly extinct Bea's Candies, whose Easter promotion just might turn things around for the company. Everyone knows that the Easter Bunny can't compete with the King of Kings. But no one counted on the Reverend Willy Domingo and his vegetarian fitness zealots, who gather on a crusade against a graven image of Christ that consists of nothing more than empty calories...

"Capture(s) the mood and voice of a certain distinctive type of apprentice grown-up". -- New York Times Book Review

"Enormously entertaining moments, reverberating with a cynical wit underscored...with heartbreaking poignancy and disillusion...haunting, honest". -- St. Petersburg Times

"A very funny book... Jaramillo deserves credit for a crisp and funny style, a dead-on ear for dialogue, but more impressive, an emotional honesty that's rare and wonderful". -- Rocky Mountain News

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Hailed for his debut (Going Postal), Jaramillo returns with an amusing but unmemorable novel about a depraved crew of characters whose ridiculous schemes and schlock adventures conspire both to bankrupt a chocolate factory and to redeem the world. In the plebeian town of Valley, Calif., compulsive gambler and phone-sex addict Sydney Corbet lives with his media-watchdog brother Marty, who has just been discharged from the Koala Center for the "mildly neurotic." Together, the two manage to sell Wilbur Bea, debauched heir to a candy fortune, on an idea to market a chocolate Jesus. Peripheral characters include a vegan preacher, a Mexican immigrant smugly named Jesus and Orville Scrimshaw, devotee of Western Union, Remington typewriters and other outdated technologies. Despite a tame, derivative comic sense (think Tom Robbins on a bad day; Mark Leyner on a very bad day), Jaramillo has an endearing sympathy for his goofy characters that belies the novel's rather laboriously cynical tone and lends charm to this pleasant but lightweight weekend read.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

Jaramillo (Going Postal ) lampoons such modern follies as tabloid faith and Internet sex. Sydney Corbet, a lame (literally and figuratively), antisocial, angry-letter writer, recently discharged from a "home for the mildly neurotic," sells his idea for a chocolate Jesus to Mrs. Beals' candy company, which she is defending from takeover by her son. Meanwhile, Reverend Willy, a cable-TV evangelist preaching vegetarianism and fitness ("The prince of peace will kick butt upon returning"), rallies his flock against the chocolate Jesus, ending in an apocalyptic showdown. Sydney's slightly elevated education and loathing for mainstream culture allow commentary on the cultural victims and worshipers who surround him. These include his drunken, gambling brother Marty, who grudgingly houses Sydney but warms when Sydney's idea lands them well-paying jobs at Mrs. Beals; a fanatical German chocolate expert; a Jewish bookie insisting he is a rabbi; two drugged-out, channel-surfing "hit men"; and a power-mad, hamburger franchise manager. Jaramillo's satire makes one laugh, then think. Kevin Grandfield

Product Details

• Paperback: 249 pages
• Publisher: Berkley Trade (May 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0425163091
• ISBN-13: 978-0425163092
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,041,017 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Average Pomo Novel, May 4, 2003

By 

Harkius "harkius" (Laramie, WY) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Chocolate Jesus (Paperback)

This book was basically your average postmodern novel. The characters were the typical screwed up cast: The gambling addict and his neurotic brother who is obsessed with "solving America's Greatest Murder Mystery": Who killed JFK? The crazy old woman who runs her company with an iron fist and her spoiled son who believes that he is the inheritor of Machiavelli's wisdom, the Jewish Bookie who has decided that tortillas qualify as unleavened bread, and Reverend Domingo, the leader of the Church of the Returning Vegetarian Christ.

With a cast like this, I expected quite a bit more conflict. Sydney, who is Marty the gambler's brother, invents the Chocolate Jesus, and you'd think that it would hit the fan quite quickly. Instead, the main conflict of the story is between Marty and Dudes #1 and 2, Chaim Poplotnik's (the Jewish Bookie) enforcers, as they bludgeon each other. In addition to the lack of conflict, so much a requirement of postmodern fiction that Fight Club is basically only conflict, there are seemingly pointless ramblings about El Chupacubra or something quite like that, which appears to be a 600 year old rat or coyote or something that lives in the area and needlessly eats a poor hairless dog.

There were funny parts, but only if you are quite hostile to Christianity. This book makes a good portion of its (decent) humor at the hands of minor Christian cults. I thought those parts were funny.

Sadly enough, those were the most notable things about the book. It seems to lack direction, cohesion, and narrative ability. I was not terribly impressed by it, and I doubt that I will ever read it again. ...
Harkius

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars ONE OF THE FUNNIEST BOOKS I'VE EVER READ, August 22, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Chocolate Jesus (Paperback)

"Chocolate Jesus" is even funnier than Stephan Jarmillo's first book - "Going Postal." Nearly every paragraph had me in stitches. His characters, from Rev. Willie Domingo of the Church of the Returning Vegetarian Christ to Mrs. Bea, owner of Bea's Candies, are all off-the-wall. Sydney Corbet, who is a so-called "JFK Assassination expert," comes up with the idea of marketing a Chocolate Jesus which Bea's Candies is delighted to produce, although Corbet, Mrs. Bea, and her son Wilbur all have different reasons for the venture. Stephan, keep writing these books.

2.0 out of 5 stars Thoroughly disappointing..., November 13, 2001

By 

Kyla Sentes (Edmonton, Alberta Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Chocolate Jesus (Paperback)

I was really excited at the thought of reading this book, I'd been looking for it for a couple of years before I finally snagged a copy. The premise would lead one to think it would be a hilarious book...I was greatly disappointed.
There are too many characters (what the hell was the point of Irene?), the sub-plots are confusing and have little or nothing to do with the main story itself. And worst of all, it's just not funny. Fortunately I only paid (very little) for it, I wouldn't pay much more than that.