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Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks Paperback – September 14, 2010


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: It Books; Reprint edition (September 14, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0061733164
  • ISBN-13: 978-0061733161
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.5 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (39 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,133,621 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Book Description

An inside look at the life of Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli, as she dishes on everything from relationships, food, and fat to why once you go black, you never go back

In her jaw-droppingly hilarious and politically incorrect memoir, Lisa reveals all—including the dysfunctional childhood that made her the insult comic she is today, the subject for which she's best known (black men, black men, and more black men), and her hilarious struggles with her addiction to food and hot guys. By telling her story in her very real, very candid, very open way, Lisa shows her audience that it's okay to be yourself, even if it's just one rehab stint at a time. Lisa also takes readers behind the scenes at the roasts that have marked her comedy career and launched her into the comedy elite, and reveals the important "firsts" in her career, including her first time on her hero's program, The Howard Stern Show.

Chocolate, Please is a side-splittingly funny portrait of the woman behind the award-winning insult comedy.

Lisa Lampanelli's Rules to Live By

Husbands and Other Useless Entities in the Delivery Room
Recently, it has become popular to turn the delivery room into a cocktail party with guests enjoying snacks and breezy conversation while Mom is getting tortured. They think it’s going to be fun to watch until they spend some time there. Every type of bodily function is on display and coming at you in 3-D. It’s like a Gallagher concert, except it’s entertaining.

Passing Down the Family Name
People feel the need to pass on their entire name to their offspring, as if the last name ain’t bad enough. Why give the kid both names? It’s a well-known fact that nobody likes sequels.

Family Trees/Genealogy
Family trees only matter if you’re betting on a horse or want to be a made member of the mob. Everyone’s family tree starts with a monkey and ends in disappointment.

Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is the oldest psychological affliction known to man. It’s the reason Cain killed Abel. Their mom, Eve, liked Abel more.

Italian Families vs. Normal Families
Italian families are different from normal families. And by “normal,” I mean WASP families. There are many reasons for these differences. The first is volume. Italians whispering is screaming to a WASP.

Family Vacations
The term “family vacation” is an oxymoron. If you’re stuck with your family, it ain’t no vacation. We should call family vacations what they are: “Countdown to Dad’s public tantrum.”

Interventions
Interventions are a great way to lose a friend. That is because people don’t want to hear the truth about themselves. Addicts know they have a problem. Interventions are as bad as telling someone her boyfriend is cheating on her. Let her find out on her own. Remember: They always shoot the messenger.

Texting While on Dates
Texting on a date is completely inappropriate unless it’s a blind date, and by “blind date,” I mean the other person is blind. What could be more important on a date with me than me?

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Only a few pages into the first chapter, the reader becomes aware that the title does not indicate a collection of dessert recipes but instead refers to comedian Lampanelli's past experiences having sex with black men, which she recalls as her chocolate diet: As I lost more than 60 pounds, I ran an Underground Railroad through my apartment. After more than 30 pages on her search for the perfect black man, Lampanelli moves on to outline her standup career, from handling hecklers to doing the Tonight Show. Her breakthrough came with a 2002 Friars Club roast of Chevy Chase, and since then, as an insult comic, she has become a familiar face at numerous roasts, billing herself as Comedy's Lovable Queen of Mean. Seeking the roots of her humor, she recalls her childhood as an attention whore: Eating to get attention is a behavior that I continued into my high school days. She follows her memories of fat rehab with a variety of topics, from the Virgin Mary to vegans. Much is quite funny, and Lampanelli never pulls her punches. Despite her raw language and raucous writing, honest reflections and stark self-insights emerge as she probes her past. (Sept.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

More About the Author

Lisa Lampanelli Chocolate, Please and Lisa Lampanelli Advance Praise for skyrocketed to comedy fame thanks to her showstopping performances on the Comedy Central roasts of Jeff Foxworthy, Pamela Anderson, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Most recently she served as roastmaster for the roast of Larry the Cable Guy. She is a regular guest on The Tonight Show and The Howard Stern Show, and her live standup show continues to sell out in theaters across the country. Her CD/DVD Dirty Girl was nominated for a Grammy for Best Comedy Album in 2007. Lisa's first HBO special, Long Live the Queen, premiered to spectacular numbers in early 2009.

Customer Reviews

I agree the book is as scandalous as Lisa Lampanelli!
Kevin S
Which, sadly, weren't all that funny and were very aimless.
Tiffani
I love Lisa's comedy, so I was excited to read her book.
Mia

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful By K. Harris HALL OF FAMETOP 50 REVIEWER on September 15, 2009
Format: Hardcover
The reigning queen of insult comedy has got to be Lisa Lampanelli. Brassy, bold and oh-so-naughty, Lampanelli rose to prominence with memorable performances on many of Comedy Central's celebrity roasts. The self proclaimed "lovable Queen of Mean," she has been compared to Don Rickles and has a take-no-prisoners approach to comedy. With Lampanelli, there are no sacred cows--every topic is fodder for her humor. Political correctness goes out the window as she skewers everything from ethnic stereotypes to religion to family to addictions to her own insecurities. Even Lampanelli herself is a prime target for her own material, and I think it's this openness that makes her so likable and accessible even when she's being nasty!

So why the lengthy introduction? Well, if you know Lisa Lampanelli then you know what to expect from her new comedic memoir "Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat and Freaks." Traveling down the road many comedians have journeyed before her, Lampanelli tells a tale that's not all laughs. Often times her own worst enemy, she has struggled to overcome a series of bad decisions, unhealthy relationships, and serious self-worth issues. And it is refreshing to see Lamanelli's critical eye as she turns it upon herself.

But fear not, the self analysis is done in brief comedic vignettes. Don't expect anything too weighty, for even the most serious of topics is filtered through the superficial lens that is focused on a punchline. Come on, what did you expect? Sylvia Plath? "Chocolate, Please" is a fun and fast read even if it lacks the emotional depth and insight you might hope for in a more serious memoir. But this one is FUNNY too. A bonus, though, comes in the last section (after the life story ends) called "Lisa's Rules to Live By." This collection of short essays are as hilarious as they are true! Enjoy.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By S. McKillop on February 10, 2010
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
As a HUGE fan of Lisa Lampanelli I was expecting a book that would have me laughing out loud, encouraging awkward looks from people near me. Unfortunately, this was not the case. The book is a lot more deep than I expected, going into Lisa's rehab days with great detail. Most of the jokes in her book are from her stand-up so I've heard them many times before. As someone who LOVED "Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea" I expected this book to be at par if not better. Definitely didn't even come close!

I'd still recommend this book to any fans of Lisa's. You learn a whole new side of her, and it turns out to be a lot more emotional and human than the person we see on stage.

I still love her!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Tiffani on February 4, 2013
Format: Paperback
First: I read a review where someone noted that they were very disappointed that there wasn't actually a story about chocolate in the book. Which just made me laugh. There's a bare torso on the cover on the cover of an insult comic who is known for her ravenous love of black men. Whom she affectionately refers to as "chocolate". You have to be kind of dense to get this book and think it might actually be about chocolate, haha.

Last: After reading 2 pages of "Part 5" of the book, I thumbed through the rest and closed the book. It was a list of her "Rules to Live By" which were really, by her own admission, just her opinion on everything she could think of. Which, sadly, weren't all that funny and were very aimless.

Overall, the book was so-so. She loves black men, check. She is chubby, check. That's pretty much what every single page reiterated. So by the middle of the book, I was waiting for something to actually happen. Nothing did. Nothing noteworthy in her family life, her school life, any part of her life. Which is disappointing because I usually get a good laugh out of her stand-up specials. And, I love her crazy 1950's outlandish housewife dresses. She doesn't transfer well onto print, her jokes are the type that need to be heard/seen and not read to be funny.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Gloria Eaton on November 10, 2013
Format: Audio CD Verified Purchase
This book started out kind of funny, but she's got a filthy mouth and most of her stories incorporate her delight with sleeping with black men and the things she does with them. She's very crude and although sometimes that's funny, it gets old after the first disc.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By M. Branam on October 8, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Its like reading a recap of one of her stand up routines. I was really excited for this to be my first kindle book to read, and sadly, i havent really touched my kindle much to read this since it all sounds like jokes ive heard before. I guess its cheaper then seeing one of her shows!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Hallauthor on August 5, 2010
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I love Lisa! Let me start there. I think she's absolutely brilliant. I'd seen her live act 3 times and remember her mentioning that she had a book due out, and then never heard of it after that. I only discovered that it had been published last year recently. I wondered why so little pub in the mainstream media? So I ordered it and read it and was underwhelmed...not by the writing itself, but from the book's organization which...shame on the publisher...was ridiculously slipshod. The book ends at page 229, but isn't over until almost 60 pages later.

If you read it, you know what I mean. Those last 60 pages are filled with Lisa-type observations, observations that should have been sprinkled throughout the book itself. It really would hsve helped with the pacing, would have fit in much better. It feels like those pages were simply tacked on.

There is a lot of terrific material here; funny, insightful, revealing. But this could and should have been a book that was a classic.
A good book for her fans, should have been a great book for everybody.
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