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Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide? Hardcover – December 10, 2003

4.7 out of 5 stars 50 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Visioneering is the best book on vision I've seen."

About the Author

Andy Stanley is a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and the founding pastor of North Point Community Church in Atlanta , Georgia , with a youthful congregation of more than 12,000. For the past 12 years of his ministry, he has consistently mentored a young group of future leaders and Christian pastors. He has also hosted conferences for leaders under 40 and spoken at Catalyst Conferences. Andy is the author of Visioneering, the bestseller Like a Rock, and his most recent book, The Next Generation Leader . Andy and his wife, Sandra, have two sons, Andrew and Garrett, and a daughter, Allison.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 144 pages
  • Publisher: Multnomah (December 10, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1590523296
  • ISBN-13: 978-1590523292
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.6 x 7.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #142,496 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Hardcover
Andy Stanley has chosen a rather provocative title for this book in which he challenges folks to choose to cheat their employers rather than their families when it comes to priorities and time. I'm hard-pressed to disagree with this general principle, and I think that he offers a compelling case against the workaholism that has plagued generations of American families. And as one can always expect from Stanley, his writing is engaging and easy to read, so this one can be tackled in one or two sittings.

My apprehension about this book stems from its misapplication that I've already observed in some of my peers. As a 29-year-old, I'll be quite frank in declaring that the potential plague of my generation is not workaholism but sloth. I see a generation of my peers who were raised in a world of entertainment and pleasure, who get into the working world and try to find ways to be uncommitted, lazy, irresponsible employees so they can spend their time and money buying and playing with their toys. Within that context, I've seen young singles use the "Choosing to Cheat" concept to avoid hard work, cheat their employers, and invest their energies in self-gratification. This obviously misses Stanley's whole point, but I've seen it happen.

My critique is not so much about the book, then, but about the intended audience. For the 40+ generation who maybe struggles more with the dangers of workaholism, I think this book could be perfect. It's certainly a challenging and interesting book to read. But I won't be sending this to my twenty-something friends, who instead need a book that challenges us to work hard in whatever we do as a means to glorify God.
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Format: Hardcover
I first heard Andy teach on this subject over a year ago. It's a life-changing and necessary book, and I don't know any family that couldn't benefit from its message.
"Choosing to Cheat" is built on the premise that everyone cheats somewhere - there aren't enough hours for everything. Tragically, it's easier to cheat our families than than to cheat at work. Andy not only tells us why we should cheat at work; he also tells us how. Ironically, cheating at work can make us more productive.
I needed to read this message again, because it's always easy to return to old habits. Highly recommended.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Andy Stanley writes, "Following the principles of God results in the blessings of God." The author's dad, Charles Stanley, says, "God doesn't reveal His will for our consideration. He reveals it for our participation." This may be your most important book purchase of the year--for yourself or your team members.

Do you pledge allegiance to your boss? Andy Stanley says that "your Creator does not define your life by your career achievements or the neatness of your pantry." Writing to both stay-at-home parents and spouses in the workplace, Stanley says you must cheat on your work if you're going to win at home. (Read the book for his definition on "cheating.") He once admonished a struggling fast track executive, "the problem is, you love your family in your heart, but you don't love them in your schedule. And they can't see your heart."

When you read this book, you'll never, ever think of Daniel without recalling Stanley's commentary. "Daniel's choice of diet was an indication of where he placed his loyalty. For us, the chief indicator is time. Daniel's loyalty was tested by what he ate. Ours is tested by what we put on our calendars. Where you spend your time is an indication of where your loyalties lie. In effect, you pledge your allegiance to the person or thing that receives your time."

There are lots of books on balancing work and family. This one is different. It's not a guilt trip. Instead, it's a simple, thoughtful, Christ-centered process to help couples dig deep and ask themselves two or three really tough questions.

Stanley adds, "No where in Scripture are you commanded to lay down your life for your stock options. Or to love your career like Christ loved the church. We are instructed to do our jobs and love our families (see Colossians 3:23). When you love your job and do your family, you've not only stepped outside the bounds of family life, you have stepped outside the will of God."
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I honestly can’t remember why I ordered this book. I am sure someone recommended it to me, given the fact that not only have I been an accomplished cheater, but my wife and I are heavily involved in our church’s “marriage mentoring” ministry.
I read it in two days. Andy Stanley is an accomplished writer and I have a feeling it comes naturally. I am not suggesting he does not put a lot of work into his writing, but only that he may not have spent hours studying and taking courses on how to be a top-notch writer. I’m sure that’s something I’ll ask him if we ever meet.
Choosing To Cheat surprises its readers in two ways. First, sorry to disappoint you – it’s really not about having a romantic affair, not directly anyway. Secondly, Stanley comes out and tells you early in the process (and keep in mind he’s a Christian pastor) that it’s okay to cheat and you even have to. Wow. Now you’re ready to ready the book.
The author tells you about the most important and most complex cheating situation one can have in life – that between ones loved ones (think spouse, children) and ones work. And unless you’ve figured out how to make that situation a perfect win-win one, Stanley tells you, you’re cheating one of them and the bets are on that it’s your family. But it gets worse. If you’re cheating here, the author says you are on a collision course if you haven’t had a crash already. He has a perfect “holding the rock” analogy he shares. And the bottom line is “picking up a rock that shattered into fragments after it got dropped and trying to put together again is next to impossible”.
Stanley is careful not to make assumptions about your own specific situation, but neither does he let you off the hook. Your excuses just won’t fly.
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