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Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide? Hardcover – December 10, 2003

49 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


"Visioneering is the best book on vision I've seen."

About the Author

Andy Stanley is a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and the founding pastor of North Point Community Church in Atlanta , Georgia , with a youthful congregation of more than 12,000. For the past 12 years of his ministry, he has consistently mentored a young group of future leaders and Christian pastors. He has also hosted conferences for leaders under 40 and spoken at Catalyst Conferences. Andy is the author of Visioneering, the bestseller Like a Rock, and his most recent book, The Next Generation Leader . Andy and his wife, Sandra, have two sons, Andrew and Garrett, and a daughter, Allison.

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 144 pages
  • Publisher: Multnomah (December 10, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1590523296
  • ISBN-13: 978-1590523292
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.6 x 7.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (49 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #199,205 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Communicator, author, and pastor, ANDY STANLEY founded Atlanta-based North Point Ministries in 1995. Today, NPM is comprised of six churches in the Atlanta area and a network of 30 churches around the globe, collectively serving over 60,000 people weekly. A survey of U.S. pastors in Outreach Magazine identified Andy Stanley as one of the top 10 most influential living pastors in America.

The author of 20-plus books, including The New Rules of Love, Sex, and Dating, Ask It, How to Be Rich, Deep & Wide, Enemies of the Heart, When Work & Family Collide, Visioneering, and Next Generation Leader, Andy Stanley holds two degrees, an undergraduate in journalism from Georgia State University and a Masters degree from Dallas Theological Seminary, the impact of which is all too evident in his written work.

In the digital world, his success reaches well beyond local Atlanta-area walls. Two million of Stanley's messages, leadership videos, and podcasts are accessed from North Point's website monthly.

In 2012, Your Move with Andy Stanley premiered on NBC after Saturday Night Live, giving him an even wider audience with which to share his culturally relevant, practical insight for life and leadership. In less than two years, over 36 million episodes have been viewed, underscoring Stanley's impact not only as a communicator but also as a cultural change agent.

But nothing is so personal as his passion for engaging with live audiences, which Stanley has pursued for over a decade, speaking at leadership events around the world. In high demand, he speaks at various events before a yearly audience of both church and organizational leaders of nearly 200,000, including conferences such as Catalyst, Leadercast, Exchange, and the WCA Global Leadership Summit.

"I cannot fill their cups," he often says of the opportunity to impact leaders in business and in ministry, "but I have a responsibility to empty mine."

Andy Stanley and his wife, Sandra, have three grown children and live near Atlanta.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 38 people found the following review helpful By Chad Oberholtzer on November 1, 2007
Format: Hardcover
Andy Stanley has chosen a rather provocative title for this book in which he challenges folks to choose to cheat their employers rather than their families when it comes to priorities and time. I'm hard-pressed to disagree with this general principle, and I think that he offers a compelling case against the workaholism that has plagued generations of American families. And as one can always expect from Stanley, his writing is engaging and easy to read, so this one can be tackled in one or two sittings.

My apprehension about this book stems from its misapplication that I've already observed in some of my peers. As a 29-year-old, I'll be quite frank in declaring that the potential plague of my generation is not workaholism but sloth. I see a generation of my peers who were raised in a world of entertainment and pleasure, who get into the working world and try to find ways to be uncommitted, lazy, irresponsible employees so they can spend their time and money buying and playing with their toys. Within that context, I've seen young singles use the "Choosing to Cheat" concept to avoid hard work, cheat their employers, and invest their energies in self-gratification. This obviously misses Stanley's whole point, but I've seen it happen.

My critique is not so much about the book, then, but about the intended audience. For the 40+ generation who maybe struggles more with the dangers of workaholism, I think this book could be perfect. It's certainly a challenging and interesting book to read. But I won't be sending this to my twenty-something friends, who instead need a book that challenges us to work hard in whatever we do as a means to glorify God.
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful By Darryl Dash on October 18, 2002
Format: Hardcover
I first heard Andy teach on this subject over a year ago. It's a life-changing and necessary book, and I don't know any family that couldn't benefit from its message.
"Choosing to Cheat" is built on the premise that everyone cheats somewhere - there aren't enough hours for everything. Tragically, it's easier to cheat our families than than to cheat at work. Andy not only tells us why we should cheat at work; he also tells us how. Ironically, cheating at work can make us more productive.
I needed to read this message again, because it's always easy to return to old habits. Highly recommended.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By John W. Pearson VINE VOICE on November 11, 2007
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Andy Stanley writes, "Following the principles of God results in the blessings of God." The author's dad, Charles Stanley, says, "God doesn't reveal His will for our consideration. He reveals it for our participation." This may be your most important book purchase of the year--for yourself or your team members.

Do you pledge allegiance to your boss? Andy Stanley says that "your Creator does not define your life by your career achievements or the neatness of your pantry." Writing to both stay-at-home parents and spouses in the workplace, Stanley says you must cheat on your work if you're going to win at home. (Read the book for his definition on "cheating.") He once admonished a struggling fast track executive, "the problem is, you love your family in your heart, but you don't love them in your schedule. And they can't see your heart."

When you read this book, you'll never, ever think of Daniel without recalling Stanley's commentary. "Daniel's choice of diet was an indication of where he placed his loyalty. For us, the chief indicator is time. Daniel's loyalty was tested by what he ate. Ours is tested by what we put on our calendars. Where you spend your time is an indication of where your loyalties lie. In effect, you pledge your allegiance to the person or thing that receives your time."

There are lots of books on balancing work and family. This one is different. It's not a guilt trip. Instead, it's a simple, thoughtful, Christ-centered process to help couples dig deep and ask themselves two or three really tough questions.

Stanley adds, "No where in Scripture are you commanded to lay down your life for your stock options. Or to love your career like Christ loved the church. We are instructed to do our jobs and love our families (see Colossians 3:23). When you love your job and do your family, you've not only stepped outside the bounds of family life, you have stepped outside the will of God."
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31 of 43 people found the following review helpful By Matthew Gunia VINE VOICE on January 3, 2008
Format: Hardcover
Andy Stanley is the senior pastor at North Point Community Church in suburban Atlanta. From his years of shepherding God's people in Atlanta and from his own life, he realizes that workaholism is a serious and growing problem among many American men (and not a few women as well). The effects of workaholism that Stanley primarily concerns himself with is its effect on the family. Loneliness, tears, strained relationships, the rebellion of children, arguments, and divorce are just some of the negative impacts excessive working can have on a family. In "Choosing to Cheat," Stanley shows the reader the dangers of keeping constantly excessive work hours, then provides encouragement and advice for changing this habit.

In the first part of this book, Stanley's focus is on diagnosing the problem. His main arguments are that a) every person is limited to 24 hours in a day and must daily choose how to invest that time b) many men, out of a sense of obligation and attracted by the admiration of co-workers, choose to invest an excessive amount of their time working, c) all those vying for a person's attention directly correlate the amount of time spent with them to the amount he cares about them (e.g. if I spend a lot of time with my dog, it shows that my dog is very important to me; if I spend just a little time with my child, it shows my child is comparatively unimportant), d) because a man's family deeply desires his acceptance, they are willing to put up with great stress so that he can pursue work, and e) there will come a point in time when the individual members of the family can no longer take the stress of an absent father and will simply give up on him; while this shift occurs suddenly, it is preceded by many warning signs.
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