Customer Reviews

Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide?

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I first heard Andy teach on this subject over a year ago. It's a life-changing and necessary book, and I don't know any family that couldn't benefit from its message.

"Choosing to Cheat" is built on the premise that everyone cheats somewhere - there aren't enough hours for everything. Tragically, it's easier to cheat our families than than to cheat at work. Andy not only tells us why we should cheat at work; he also tells us how. Ironically, cheating at work can make us more productive.

I needed to read this message again, because it's always easy to return to old habits. Highly recommended.

Andy Stanley has chosen a rather provocative title for this book in which he challenges folks to choose to cheat their employers rather than their families when it comes to priorities and time. I'm hard-pressed to disagree with this general principle, and I think that he offers a compelling case against the workaholism that has plagued generations of American families. And as one can always expect from Stanley, his writing is engaging and easy to read, so this one can be tackled in one or two sittings.

My apprehension about this book stems from its misapplication that I've already observed in some of my peers. As a 29-year-old, I'll be quite frank in declaring that the potential plague of my generation is not workaholism but sloth. I see a generation of my peers who were raised in a world of entertainment and pleasure, who get into the working world and try to find ways to be uncommitted, lazy, irresponsible employees so they can spend their time and money buying and playing with their toys. Within that context, I've seen young singles use the "Choosing to Cheat" concept to avoid hard work, cheat their employers, and invest their energies in self-gratification. This obviously misses Stanley's whole point, but I've seen it happen.

My critique is not so much about the book, then, but about the intended audience. For the 40+ generation who maybe struggles more with the dangers of workaholism, I think this book could be perfect. It's certainly a challenging and interesting book to read. But I won't be sending this to my twenty-something friends, who instead need a book that challenges us to work hard in whatever we do as a means to glorify God.

Andy Stanley is the senior pastor at North Point Community Church in suburban Atlanta. From his years of shepherding God's people in Atlanta and from his own life, he realizes that workaholism is a serious and growing problem among many American men (and not a few women as well). The effects of workaholism that Stanley primarily concerns himself with is its effect on the family. Loneliness, tears, strained relationships, the rebellion of children, arguments, and divorce are just some of the negative impacts excessive working can have on a family. In "Choosing to Cheat," Stanley shows the reader the dangers of keeping constantly excessive work hours, then provides encouragement and advice for changing this habit.

In the first part of this book, Stanley's focus is on diagnosing the problem. His main arguments are that a) every person is limited to 24 hours in a day and must daily choose how to invest that time b) many men, out of a sense of obligation and attracted by the admiration of co-workers, choose to invest an excessive amount of their time working, c) all those vying for a person's attention directly correlate the amount of time spent with them to the amount he cares about them (e.g. if I spend a lot of time with my dog, it shows that my dog is very important to me; if I spend just a little time with my child, it shows my child is comparatively unimportant), d) because a man's family deeply desires his acceptance, they are willing to put up with great stress so that he can pursue work, and e) there will come a point in time when the individual members of the family can no longer take the stress of an absent father and will simply give up on him; while this shift occurs suddenly, it is preceded by many warning signs. The tone of this section is emotional as Stanley attempts to shock the reader into WANTING to change.

The second part of this book provides advice and encouragement for cutting down on the hours at work and spending more time with the family. Using the Biblical account of Daniel as a model, Stanley advises the reader to 1) figure out what concrete things are non-negotiable and devise a new work schedule to honor those non-negotiable points, 2) calmly ask your employer if your job could accommodate these points, 3) prepare yourself to endure potential consequences of this request, 4) be prepared for God to be active in the midst of this change.

The book contains an appendix of discussion questions based on each chapter.

Stanley certainly provides sound secular advice. He correctly analyzes and presents a societal/cultural problem. He is further correct in his urging men and women to allow their primary (yet not sole) loyalty be to their family. He states truth when he points out that there exist thousands of people who can do your job better than you, but there is nobody who can take your place in your family. Stanley understands the positive benefits the family will enjoy if the family members are each dedicated to one another, and he gives sound advice for approaching your employer about changing your schedule. If he would have stuck with these points, his book would have been much better.

But Stanley goes too far. A major premise of Stanley's book is that God promises to bless a person who re-prioritizes his life in such a way that family takes precedence over work. Nowhere does God make such a promise. Although Stanley relies heavily upon the account of Daniel, but the Bible's account of Daniel is DESCRIPTIVE, not PRESCRIPTIVE. In truth, Stanley buys into the popular (on television at least) "health, wealth, and prosperity gospel." That is to say, Stanley argues that if a person aligns his life to conform with God's will, he will enjoy earthly blessings. To be more specific to this book, Stanley argues that if you give up wealth and career advancement for the sake of your family, God will bless you with MORE wealth and a BETTER career than that which was given up. There is no Biblical support for this--in Scripture or in "Choosing to Cheat." Aside from that, even assuming that his (false) premise is true, why would he want to focus on the "fringe benefits" of Christian living as opposed to the ultimate reward for faith? The true reward God gives us for the gift of faith, is forgiveness of sins, life, and salvation; a promotion at work pales in comparison.

In short, Stanley presents good a good paradigm for aligning values (e.g. family above career) and assists the reader in lining up his life with those values. This book is especially helpful for those caught in workaholism and is primarily geared toward men. However, the underlying premise, that God will materially bless you for realigning your priorities is not necessarily true; He may or He may not. Neither recommended nor not recommended.

Andy Stanley writes, "Following the principles of God results in the blessings of God." The author's dad, Charles Stanley, says, "God doesn't reveal His will for our consideration. He reveals it for our participation." This may be your most important book purchase of the year--for yourself or your team members.

Do you pledge allegiance to your boss? Andy Stanley says that "your Creator does not define your life by your career achievements or the neatness of your pantry." Writing to both stay-at-home parents and spouses in the workplace, Stanley says you must cheat on your work if you're going to win at home. (Read the book for his definition on "cheating.") He once admonished a struggling fast track executive, "the problem is, you love your family in your heart, but you don't love them in your schedule. And they can't see your heart."

When you read this book, you'll never, ever think of Daniel without recalling Stanley's commentary. "Daniel's choice of diet was an indication of where he placed his loyalty. For us, the chief indicator is time. Daniel's loyalty was tested by what he ate. Ours is tested by what we put on our calendars. Where you spend your time is an indication of where your loyalties lie. In effect, you pledge your allegiance to the person or thing that receives your time."

There are lots of books on balancing work and family. This one is different. It's not a guilt trip. Instead, it's a simple, thoughtful, Christ-centered process to help couples dig deep and ask themselves two or three really tough questions.

Stanley adds, "No where in Scripture are you commanded to lay down your life for your stock options. Or to love your career like Christ loved the church. We are instructed to do our jobs and love our families (see Colossians 3:23). When you love your job and do your family, you've not only stepped outside the bounds of family life, you have stepped outside the will of God."

Choosing To Cheat is a must read for anyone in ministry from the church board to the lead pastor! Any helps us people realize the importance of what is really important.. Your family!
Seriously READ THIS BOOK!!!

This book is small, and short. I picked it up and read it in two days, in about three short sittings. The size belies its value, though. Stanley makes the case that we all -- men, women, parents, career managers and stay-at-home moms -- cheat something. We cheat our family by choosing to work long hours instead of spending time with them. We cheat our churches by bailing because of a big weekend project. We even, in rare cases, cheat our jobs to spend more time at home with our family... usually in a time of crisis.

Stanley's premise is that since we'll always cheat something -- there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything -- we should CHOOSE to cheat our work. By cheating, he means prioritize our families, in very specific and tangible ways. He spends a lot of time talking about how you then have to work harder, more efficiently, and even effectively at work. In fact, most people (myself included) become more effective when we "cheat" work, as we have to do more in less time

I read this book as part of an Introduction to Christian Ministries class. I found it to be a quick read but a profound one. As part of my assignment, I had to choose quotes that were meaningful to me. I highlighted over thirty! As a direct result of the impact the principles in this book had in my life, I made a commitment to be more available to my wife and growing family. This is a must-have title for anyone looking for good resources on practical, godly living. I share ideas from it with many of my friends and I must say that the choice of title is a nice touch, as it has prompted several discussions because it has a certain amount of "shock value".

This book is spot on, and provides a challenge for anyone who tries to balance all life throws at them with their responsibilities to God and family. It has great practical examples, an engaging writing style, and due to its relative short length, a quick read for even the slowest reader. BUYER BEWARE: This book will challenge you to rethink everything you have ever thought about time management, prioritization, career development, and goal setting. If you aren't ready to be challenged you may not be ready to get the most out of this book.

This is a good as well as a challenging read.

The choice before those of us trying to "prioritize our time" is made clearly and succinctly. We can follow a lot of pathways in our rationale, but they still lead to the same crossroad. There is no "non-choice" option. One will come away from the book having made their decision.

Stanley provides the information necessary to make sure that decision is the right one.

This book has turned around the heads and the lives of many and will continue to do so. It demands a response.

Reading this book has changed my perspective on how I've been living my life. I've fooled myself into believing that I needed to make work my priority in order to make sure my family's life would be safe and secure. I was wrong. If you work too much, please read this book.