Customer Reviews

The Chronicles of Dubya Volume 1: The Defeat of Saddam

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I don't know if it counts, but I found the book to be hilarious. Yes, I wrote it, but it's been a long time since I first wrote the material so I had forgotten just how funny I am. Since I had written the pieces back in 2002 and 2003 has the events were happening, it was also interesting to note how opinions had changed on the war and other political issues (and how many months it was from when it first seemed we were going to go to war with Iraq until the fighting actually happened). So, I think my book is very good. Also, my mom thinks I'm cool.

Another bestseller from Frank J (author of such books as, "Nuking the Moon," "Why France Sucks" and "Defaming Glenn Reynolds for Fun and Profit."

Frank J takes on corporate waste, thermonuclear fusion, and homicidal Rottweilers in this behind the scenes look at GWB's hostile takeover of the Republican party.

This book is worth every bit of your money just for the rib tickling scene where Dubya makes Al Gore cry until his salty tears rust his robot body.

Buy two so that their kids can afford college.

I had read the posts that make up the book as they were being written over the last three years and I waited eagerly for each and every installment of "In My World". They're laugh out loud funny.

FrankJ pokes fun at every political figure using the caricatures that their detractors believe. So for instance, Bush just wants to play Mario Kart, Rumsfeld wants to strangle hippies, Chirac wants to surrender to anybody and Daschle cries while Karl Rove is the mysterious, hooded figure who emerges from the shadows to foretell what has been prophesied.

And, as FrankJ says in the first review, it's absolutely hysterical re-reading those old posts.


One word of warning, don't read this book in public as it creeps people out when strangers are sitting by themselves laughing uncontrollably. I'm a little depressed because I was planning on reading it on the bus, but I didn't want to get kicked off so I just read it at home and laughed my head off.
Again.

Frank J. Fleming's IMWs were funny the first time around, and they're even funnier now that they've been edited for spelling mistakes!

I'm awaiting the second installation with much anticipation. Or something like that.

...and one of the funniest. This kind of humor is hard to pull off; it tends to get mean, stupid, lame, and/or repetitive. Instead, Frank J. manages to keep it funny, entry after entry:

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Rumsfeld laughed heartily, striking fear in the hearts of all the reporters. "After Iraq is obliterated, we will turn our vengeance on the UN and all those unfaithful to America. Most of Europe will be strip-mined and Canada changed into a prison camp."

"So all those protesters who said that America has imperialistic intentions..."

"Were absolutely right...and will be killed."


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"...Now, Mr. Daschle, what does one have to do to become a senator?"

"I think it's a good idea to first become a lawyer. That helps erode away your soul, which is an obstacle in politics. Then I say you need to act concerned about a lot of things and talk down to people. And it's good to have a believable smile." Daschle then smiled, causing the class to cry.

"Make the scary man go away!" cried one girl.

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[French President Jacques Chirac] turned back to the press. "Now, where was I? Oh yes... Silly little nations! How dare you defy France, the pinnacle of humanity?! We're too smart and sophisticated to fight in any wars. We just surrender and wait for everything to turn out all right in the end. America and their infantile talk about good and evil, morality, and justice will mess up the sophisticated business ventures we have with Saddam."

=======================

"Anyway, on to the tech demos." On a screen behind [National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice] appeared a picture of a small electronic device with a drill. "This is a special projectile that homes onto a target's head, slowly drills into his skull, and then explodes. Honestly, it offers no tactical advantage over just shooting a target with normal bullets, but we all thought it was pretty cool and can't wait to see it work on some actual enemy combatants. By the way, if someone has a use for a dozen headless monkeys, talk to me after the press conference."

"Wouldn't a weapon like that violate the Geneva Conventions?" asked a disgusted-looking reporter.

"The what?" Rice asked, appearing confused....


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"So there is nothing that the Democrats can do to keep us from getting our tax cuts," Ari [Fleischer] announced to the press. "Nothing can stop us."

"Nothing at all?" asked a reporter.

"Well, nothing...unless they fled to Canada," Ari said. "But that would be a bold move, and they would never do it. Instead, they'll stay here in DC, where there is soon going to be a big march of the AAGO, the Association of Angry Gun Owners."

"But isn't it illegal for people to march around DC carrying guns?"

"Bah! Laws are for those who don't have guns!"

"Is this all a trick so that you can slaughter the Democrats en masse after they have left US soil?" asked a reporter. Suddenly darkness surrounded him, and he burst into flames.

"New rule," Ari announced. "If you spontaneously combust, I don't have to answer your question."

"Why is it that when it seems a reporter is getting close to the truth," one reporter asked, "he is then killed by some demonic force and...?" A thought struck the reporter, and he suddenly became frightened. "Forget what I was just saying; I have a different question. Uh...does the president like kittens?"

"Yes, he finds them cute and easy to throw."


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And so on. Buy it. ..bruce..

Frank J. Fleming provides a perspective on the Bush Administration and its efforts in Iraq that no one else could. From the humanizing touches - in-depth explorations of the motivations of Donald Rumsfeld ("the Rumsfeld Strangler) - to its investigations of new war-making technology ("Happy Bombs"), this masterwork makes it clear just how much the mainstream media has failed to tell us about the real story of the start of the Iraq war up to the capture of Saddam.

I offer a rating of 5 stars with one reservation: The back cover makes the patently false assertion that this is "the dumbest book ever written about the Bush administration." The publishers have clearly not encountered the writings of Molly Ivins or Calvin Trillin.

Most people's reviews would be long winded and boring. Since Frank J. has the attention span of a goldfish (which may be an accomplishment if you have watched the Mythbusters), I will keeps this short... His book is the best thing since beer came in a can!

Many people fail to understand that the presidency involves a lot more than what you see on the news. Many of the presidents most important tasks are done far away from public view. What Mr. Fleming has done with this book is to strip away the veil of the public facade and show us what the presidency involves on a day-to-day basis.

It is thanks to George W. Bush that we no longer have to fear the specter of Cyber-Lenin or the haunted portrait of Mao Zedong. It is Bush's courage and strength that allowed him to find and wield the mystic blade Crat-cutter and defeat the demon O'Yama, preventing him from gaining the democratic nomination in 2004. The only mystery of Presiden Bush's administration Mr. Flemming's crackerjack journalism could not uncover was the identity of the mysterious Rumsfeld Strangler. Who was this shadowy figure who strangled hippies and left indecipherable messages like "I, Donald Rumsfeld, personally strangled this hippy."? The world may never know.

In short, this book has quickly become one of my most prized possessions and will be an heirloom to pass down to my decendents. My hat is off to you Mr. Fleming and I eagerly await Vol II.

I have a real problem with this book. It is trying to decide which one of the vignettes/characters is my favorite. For characters, I tend to oscillate between the "I, Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of War for the United States, killed this hippy", notarized, signed and dated DoD stationary affixing Rumsfeld Strangler ("described by DC police as 'a teenaged latina with one wooden leg'"), the Finland-nuking, military coup plotting, giant robot with Gatling guns for arms obssessed Condoleeza Rice, or the kung-fu wielding, demolition-derby winning, child-reading Laura Bush. On consideration, I think the episode where Condoleeza Rice launches a military coup against the US government from her DC suburb volcano headquarters because George Bush calls her a sissy girl is the best. To further her evil plans, she hires Jenna and Barbara as her henchpersons ( the girls need to do SOMETHING for summer spending money). However, it all starts to come apart after the girls make the mistake of trying to snipe at their mother as she is approaching the secret volcano headquarters. Boy, does THAT get them in trouble!

Read it, buy it, enjoy it, and wish that we too could live in a world like Frank Js.