Customer Reviews

Chuck Norris Vs. Mr. T: 400 Facts About the Baddest Dudes in the History of Ever

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I could never explain how this book has touched me. But I must try.

This Christmas, my car would not start.

I turned the key ten, maybe twenty times. Nothing. I went outside and popped the hood.

My engine was gone.

Instead, there was a box. I opened it.

Inside the box, there was a box. Inside this box, another box.

I looked around. There was no one.

There was a box, inside a box, inside a box - each unmarked.

Inside the final box, there was a small map. A cold gust of wind blew by my ear. "Follow," it whispered.

I walked three miles to the woods. I walked three miles into the woods. I was led past a small stream. I smelled horses and felt a strange peace.

The path ended in a clearing. The wind rushed into my face. "Dig," I heard - or perhaps, I already knew.

I knelt and tore at the earth with my hands. It was a cold day.

Two hours passed as I worked. I grew tired.

Then, I felt a strange smoothness. I cleared away the soil, ripping it from beneath me.

I removed a small book. This book. It spoke to me, beautiful words, in a thousand languages I could never have known. And I wept.

I read it. I kept it in my jacket. I slept beside it. I ate a few pages. The book - it has changed me.

It will condition your hair.
It will whiten your teeth.
It will get you onto a game show.
It will reduce the appearance of wrinkles.
It will cure leprosy.
It will regrow lost limbs.
It will find your lost puppy.
It will get you laid.
It will watch your fish while you're away.
It will post your bail.
It will give you the power of invisibility, but only when you wish to be invisible.
It will remember your friends' birthdays.
It will defend you in court, even when you are guilty.
It will buy you flowers.
It will hold your love close, but not too close.
It will make you whole.

and

It will never lie to you. Not once.

You will know, as I knew, when the book speaks to you.

You should probably buy two.

This book is so powerful that I didn't read it, and I still memorized it.

Chuck Norris VS Mr. T is the sequel to The Truth about Chuck Norris. This book is really funny. However some of the facts are just so stupid you'll think there has go to be a funnier joke than this one he could have put in the book. Also why is Mr. T in the book? Don't get me wrong. Some of his jokes are pretty funny too; however, this is still the Chuck Norris phenomenon. I recommend this book just don't go in it with high hopes like I did. If you like the first one pick this one up somewhere cheap like me.

It is not you who wants to read the book, it is the book which makes you read it!

Deciding who is more awesome between Chuck Norris and Mr. T is like taking sides between an orangutan in a robot suit wielding a machete and a T-Rex on a Skidoo with a lance. Either way you choose, the decision is right. That's what this book is about, two unstoppable forces meeting up in a random mish-mash of facts about their lives, their supreme dominance over all others, and the singularity that would occur if they simultaneously wandered into the same building at the same time. Don't believe me? Here are a few of the facts that might convince you of how incredibly lucky you are not to have angered either of these men:

On average, there are over a thousand items in a room - including the room itself - with which that Mr. T can kill you. He's so virile that each tablet of Viagra requires a drop of Mr. T's sweat for functionality purposes. Not only that, but one time he killed a ninja, and during the fight he got two of his fingers cut off. These two fingers are now Gary Coleman and Webster. And despite this problem, he can STILL count to ten left-handed! Amazing.

As for Chuck Norris, he takes showers by riding a Grizzly Bear through automatic car washes, can regularly beat a brick wall in tennis, Two and a Half Men was originally just his biographical story, and every time he tries to donate sperm the receptionist gets pregnant. Which is kind of bad news for her, because Chuck Norris has 189 STDs, six of which are found only in sharks. Don't worry though, he can do the research. While he may not have a computer, he does have a basement full of Asian kids who memorize numbers all day.

At first you'll be amazed and laugh at all they can do. Unfortunately, the 400 facts come almost as fast as a Chuck Norris roundhouse. Luckily, however, the laughs last forever, like the shine on Mr. T's gold.

I purchased this book for my oldest son, and before wrapping it for him, I read through some of the book. I gave it to him, but could not in good conscience allow him to keep it. Every single page has at least one "fact" that is completely inappropriate, and sacrifices humor for the sake of low-brow, dirty attempts at comedy. Instead of being creative and funny, as many of the Norris/Mr. T facts have been, this book takes every chance to mention masturbation, sex, male genitalia, more sex, and the list goes on. In discussion with my wife, we thought about simply marking out particular portions that the boy shouldn't see, but determined that there was just too much to be expurgated. I realize some people enjoy that type of humor, but there was nothing in the product description at all that stated there was offensive or adult material in this book, and that disappoints me as well. Eight of the worst dollars I've ever spent, and it currently sits in my garbage can.

This book is great - and much better deal than I have found in any store. You have to wade through some pretty lame sayings, but there are many gems hidden within.

As with the original book that Ian Spector released to our grabby, grabby hands, Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T is filled with hilarity and wit. Chuck Norris facts simply don't get old, and you'll find yourself wanting to read just...one...more... before you put it down. Can't go wrong!

Bought this for someone who refuses to read a Real book. Apparently too much commitment involved. But this was ideal, since he actually read it. Am I creative or what? Oh, and if this is tacky, I don't care: I read it first (before gifting it) and it was amusing, light-hearted reading that occasionally made me laugh out loud.

This really gets old fast. Just sayin. - I wanted that to be the last of this review, but Amazon wanted 20 more words. So Amazon is going to get 20 more words: LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME! LAME!