Civility: Manners, Morals, And The Etiquette Of Democracy [Hardcover]

Stephen Carter (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 10, 1998

In this followup to Integrity, Yale law professor Stephen Carter continues to meditate upon the “prepolitical” qualities on which a healthy society is based.Why do people show poorer manners today than in previous ages? How did we come to confuse rudeness with self-expression and acting on our “rights”? Carter looks at these and other important questions with a combination of his personal experiences and an extremely long shelf of reading material, all the while maintaining an informal writing style that continually—but politely—engages the reader, inviting him or her to think about these issues along with Carter.There are important messages here about generosity and trust, about respecting diversity and dissent, and about resolving conflict through dialogue rather than mandate. Stephen Carter would never be so uncivil as to demand your attention, but Civility most definitely compels.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In this followup to Integrity, Yale law professor Stephen Carter continues to meditate upon the "prepolitical" qualities on which a healthy society is based.

Why do people show poorer manners today than in previous ages? How did we come to confuse rudeness with self-expression and acting on our "rights"? Carter looks at these and other important questions with a combination of his personal experiences and an extremely long shelf of reading material, all the while maintaining an informal writing style that continually--but politely--engages the reader, inviting him or her to think about these issues along with Carter.

There are important messages here about generosity and trust, about respecting diversity and dissent, and about resolving conflict through dialogue rather than mandate. Stephen Carter would never be so uncivil as to demand your attention, but Civility most definitely compels.

From Kirkus Reviews

Spirited argument for an uncontroversial position. Complaints about incivility are timeless, but Carter (Law/Yale; The Dissent of the Governed, p. 312, etc.) believes that this time the barbarians really are at the door. Culture warriors promoting their vision of society love this theme, of course, but Carter's agenda is both more specific and more open-minded. His focus on manners is not derived from horror at the thought of using the wrong fork to eat a salad. Rather, he defines civility as ``the sum of the many sacrifices we are called [upon] to make for the sake of living together'' and thereby places manners at the crux of relations between people in social settings. Community life requires that one regularly place the common good above ones own immediate self-interest, even when associating with strangers. Unfortunately, he notes, in today's world, respect for such rules of conduct has been lost in the assertion of individual rights and the growing dominance of the market (with its emphasis on self-interest) in our lives, resulting in an increasingly uncivil social environment. Carter suggests several tonics for this ailment. The most amusing is his prescription for the violent metaphors in our language: ``we must smash them, crush them, track them to their lairs and eradicate every trace.'' The most ambiguous is the family, defined as an act of loving and intimate sacrifice, which still begs the question of who and what constitutes a family. The most important is religion, appropriately identified as the single traditional source of American beliefs not necessarily linked to self-interest. Ultimately, the book comes across as an extended harangue rather than a plan for action, however, leaving Carter's purpose unclear. Some interesting background on manners, but do we really need an argument for not being uncouth? -- Copyright ©1998, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 384 pages
• Publisher: Basic Books; 1ST edition (April 10, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0465023843
• ISBN-13: 978-0465023844
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #245,839 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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28 of 30 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars We Need this Book, December 22, 1999

By 

Jake Sapiens - See all my reviews

This review is from: Civility: Manners, Morals, And The Etiquette Of Democracy (Hardcover)

Stephen Carter brings a moral dimension to the concerns of civility. For himself he bases this on the Christian duty to love our neighbors, but his moral concerns transcend religious and secular boundaries and easily translates into many different world views. This love of neighbors includes all neighbors, not just ones we happen to like or agree with. The metaphor of fellow passengers on the train of life recurs throughout his work with great effectiveness. He describes civility as welcoming the stranger without trying to make an enemy or a brother out of everyone. He brings many poignant examples from the early civil rights movement as well as providing many useful everyday examples.

Professor Carter casts issues of civility both in the religious and political arenas. This doesn't come off as set of rules for etiquette, but rather as a revealing of the deeper reasoning upon which we build such rules. We emerge with a view of civility which neither reflects the unreasonable value abandoning fears of offending others manifest in political correctness, nor the insensitive idealism which the later civil rights movement unfortunately collapsed into. This view allows us to live in a creative harmony in which we can both stick to our ideals and deal civilly with those who do not share them.

As a person who has in the past self-identified as an "atheist," I found that Mr. Carter seems to have some blind spots in understanding that point of view. He clearly directs his message toward an interfaith audience, not strictly Christians though he uses his particular religious understandings to make his points. Regardless, I think even more secular thinkers can profit from his message, and I think they would do themselves a disservice if they skipped his book merely on these grounds. Where he doesn't seem to understand more secular thinking, he certainly acknowledges it and deals with it very . . . well . . . civilly.

I even found his general idea of the properly subversive role of religion in a secular democracy well in tune with the American spirit of the first Amendment free-exercise and non-establishment tradition. I think if more religious people followed this model, they would find themselves more effectively participating in our society and expressing their values rather than reaping the self-constructed backlash alienation which the religious right has sown through their deeply uncivil behavior in the last few decades. He soberly reminds us all that the root of government authority lies in legitimized violence. He does not pull out the hoary libertarian line that, "we should not legislate morality," but rather simply reminds us that the morality which we legislate better prove worth killing for, even going to war over. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. Forgetting that leads to the deepest incivilities of democracy. The most crucial civility for a democracy remains civility toward your opponent. This means generally preferring dialogue over and prior to legislation.

Professor Carter's writing quality reflects his scholarly background but does not come off as overly academic. Definitely not light reading, but not a burden to read either. He doesn't talk down to the reader, and provides thorough notes and references at the end of the book. I think you will find that Stephen Carter's message comes none too early. Beyond just the rhetorical calls for civility which we find so common these days, Professor Carter provides that rare fresh breath of air that we need -- someone who has actually, seriously, intelligently, and compassionately struggled and *thought* through the issues of civility.

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Preachy - but then again, is that a bad thing?, July 22, 2003

By 

Kevin Currie-Knight "Education Grad Student" (Newark, Delaware) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: Civility (Paperback)

I must confess that when I see books like this, I have a tendency to cringe. Most books on civility are 'how to' manuals written by self-styled morally superior curmugeons who want us all to live as they do.

Then again, I though to myself while in the bookstore debating on what to procure, isn't it about time that someone writes an honest, frank book about how to be civil, particularly in the civil arena? After all, democratic politics thrives when discussion, self-government, and liberty without license are at high levels and in case anyone has cared to notice, all are at levels approching an all time low.

So I bought it and my judgement was correct. Professor Carter is not on a high horse, he does not condescend and his comments and observations are astute and viable. (although as an atheist, I felt he gave me no option besides "be a moral christian" or "be uncivil").

The book - broken into three parts - can get repetitive, particularly on part II. The first part, on what civility is, defends Professor Carter's notion of civility against all comers: Sociologists who think uncivility spurs pluralistic politics, psychologists who think it is a good way to air frustration, and philosophers who think civility is just plain opression without the name.

The second part identifies different ways that we are uncivil to eachother. Carter argues that uncivility is generally a result of how easy it has become not to interact with eachother, hence, not spend time identifying eachother as "people, same as us". Instead of writing letters, we use the internet; instead of taking mass transportation like trains, we drive to work alone in our automobile; instead of joining clubs, we watch characters on TV join them. This is where Carter gets preachy. One hears him subtley thinking, "Ahhh. The glory days; let's go back, shall we?"

The third part is the easiest to skip. It is about how to regain civility. We all know how, of course, but generally try to forget that we do. Teach kids 'right' and 'wrong'; set good examples; think about others, sometimes, in lieu of ourselves. These are not hard rules, just common sense ones we've convinced ourselves to be oppresive ones. While this section merely points out the obvious, it is the obvious that we've been overlooking and need to be reminded of.

There are particularly great chapters here. A few chapters are on the art of listening to others views sympathetically, instead of listening so as to construct an immediate retort. Two consecutive chapters are on the rule: "liberty is not licesncse". Just because we have free speech, does not mean we need to, or should, be offensive just because. Another stellar chapter is on the civility of making moral judgements. Too many people are telling us that judging is wrong (which of course, is itself a moral judgement). In reality, moral judgement is necessary to maintain civility, to remind yourself what and what not to do by example, and to let others know that you either approve or disapprove of their actions, which is as powerful as any legislation.

All in all, this was a good, well-thought, succinct and enjoyable book. Occasioinal preachiness and repetitiveness aside, it is one that (as one reviewer noted) should be read in high school, college, and as a pre-requisite to public office. Of course, don't tell the PC police!

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Bravo! The most thought-provoking book I've read in years!, April 9, 1999

By 

"kankenma" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Civility (Paperback)

Mr. Carter has diagnosed the situation correctly. The values and courtesies that we should have learned from our parents, but many seemingly didn't, are reiterated in a well-thought book. There is not only a diagnosis of the malais, but actual recommendations for how we should proceed in the face of incivility. This is the only book I have consistently recommended to friends and family. It is easy to read, it does not preach, and should be part of every political science, sociology, and cultural studies program.